Three years ago when I first started toying with the idea of speaking about abstinence, I originally thought I would call my company: Virgins until Marriage. Many people warned me that virgin had become a bad word and that would give me an uphill battle from the get go. At first I was persistent. I thought let's take the word back! I even went as far as to hire a graphic designer and had a logo made. It is a great logo I am just sorry you don't see it. I gave up and decided my battle was going to be tough enough; I didn't need to add more to my fight.
This weekend I had the privilege of giving 3 talks. (I so love getting to do this) Last night I was checking my email and one of the attendees had written me a quick message. She loved the talk and she had decided to remain a "virgin until marriage." I just stared at the screen; she had taken the word back without even thinking about it. I myself don't think I have even used that phrase in my blogs or my talks because of the bad connotation that comes with that word. How did such a word become "dirty"?
No one snickers when we think of the Virgin Mother. So it didn't happen there. When I think of Virgin Records I just think of the very famous entrepreneur Richard Branson. But heaven forbid you say the word virgin in relation to someone's sexuality and there it goes. You are either criticizing someone for what you think they are, or you are using it as a slam against someone. And its not just kids affected by this. Now that I give abstinence talks people feel very comfortable sharing all kinds of stories with me. Once a woman in her 50s was telling me a story of when she was dating her husband. As her story progresses, she says to me, "and of course at that time I was still a". She goes quiet and then says, "you know". I said, "No, I don't know. You were a what?" She whispers to me the word "virgin". I fell out laughing. A grown woman with two grown daughters was embarrassed to tell me she was a virgin.
I checked the dictionary out of curiosity. As expected, there was the old standard definition: one who has never had sexual intercourse. But there was more: uncorrupted, not used. Now that seems like a nice thing to say about someone. There goes Sally she is uncorrupted or there goes Luke he has not been used as someone's scratching post. No, I am not sure we will ever get the word back and quite frankly I don't know that I want to fight for it. But I will fight for what it means. I want everyone out the to be uncorrupted on their wedding day.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
A Conundrum
While researching for today's blog, I came across a most dreadful website. The conundrum is whether or not to mention its name; I would hate to give this monstrosity a single visitor. I have answered my own question I will not give them any more traffic. The site boasts of it's feminist virtues and is awfully preachy. If there is a parallel universe where on the other side everything is the exact opposite, this site is mine. It goes against everything I believe in.
I find it very interesting those that want to bring down the abstinence movement have the most ridiculous arguments. They actually had the most absurd article on their web site stating, that 95% of Americans are sexually active before they are married (which by the way is an inaccurate statistic, you should see the study they referenced) the article says because of this fascinating statistic "Then you couldn't make folks feel all slutty and bad for doing what pretty much everyone else is also doing" Has this woman, the author of this insane article, not been told from her mom about the bridge everyone is jumping off of? Her tenure is so superior throughout the web site. It is obvious that if you disagree with her then you are just ignorant. She talks of how judgemental the people in the abstinence movement are. Ask one student who has attended my speeches if I have ever made them feel judged? I am not ignorant, on the contrary I have seen with my own eyes the damage done by engaging in sex outside of marriage. I offer kids today an alternative to risky, regretful decisions.
You, author of insidious web site, say you are a feminist and you want to protect women. If that were true you would tell them that they are precious, a gift of God made in His likeness. You would tell them that they are worth the wait. Instead you treat them like animals, that do not have the ability to say no to their impulses or sexual desires. Ladies, we are not required to have sex because everyone else is doing it. Dare to stand against this movement with me. You are not less of a person because you do not engage in sex outside of marriage, if anything your value increases. When you cherish yourself, then it is easy for others to cherish you. If you treat yourself as anything less than the wonderful person you are, then you are allowing others to do the same. Who knows maybe I will start my own feminist movement where women get to be the beautiful beings God intended them to be! Man, she has set me on a rant. I guess if I ever need blog material I know where to go!
I find it very interesting those that want to bring down the abstinence movement have the most ridiculous arguments. They actually had the most absurd article on their web site stating, that 95% of Americans are sexually active before they are married (which by the way is an inaccurate statistic, you should see the study they referenced) the article says because of this fascinating statistic "Then you couldn't make folks feel all slutty and bad for doing what pretty much everyone else is also doing" Has this woman, the author of this insane article, not been told from her mom about the bridge everyone is jumping off of? Her tenure is so superior throughout the web site. It is obvious that if you disagree with her then you are just ignorant. She talks of how judgemental the people in the abstinence movement are. Ask one student who has attended my speeches if I have ever made them feel judged? I am not ignorant, on the contrary I have seen with my own eyes the damage done by engaging in sex outside of marriage. I offer kids today an alternative to risky, regretful decisions.
You, author of insidious web site, say you are a feminist and you want to protect women. If that were true you would tell them that they are precious, a gift of God made in His likeness. You would tell them that they are worth the wait. Instead you treat them like animals, that do not have the ability to say no to their impulses or sexual desires. Ladies, we are not required to have sex because everyone else is doing it. Dare to stand against this movement with me. You are not less of a person because you do not engage in sex outside of marriage, if anything your value increases. When you cherish yourself, then it is easy for others to cherish you. If you treat yourself as anything less than the wonderful person you are, then you are allowing others to do the same. Who knows maybe I will start my own feminist movement where women get to be the beautiful beings God intended them to be! Man, she has set me on a rant. I guess if I ever need blog material I know where to go!
Friday, January 9, 2009
A reality tv world
Remember when reality TV began? I think the first show I remember was MTV's "Real World"; I know for a fact "Survivor" and "Big Brother"played into it big time. I loved how the producers of series TV shows were anxious for the fad to end. No, I think reality TV is here to stay. My dirty secret is that I am addicted. I am guilty of watching and loving: Top Chef, Project Runway, Top Design, Deadliest Catch, The Real Housewives of Orange County, and my absolute favorite..Biggest Loser! I am sure there is a 12 step program out there for me, but I just don't want the help.
I do see a down side to this trend. It is as if the youth of today don't see a need to keep anything secret. Don't believe me? Have you been on My Space or Facebook? Before you say anything, I am not a hypocrite just because I have a facebook account. My status updates are never overtly revealing. The problem is that teens and college students for that matter are using these social networks to do 2 things. First they want to advertise. Now why on earth you want to put a picture of yourself licking a friends face is beyond me. But your message is loud and clear...you are easy and up for anything. The second thing I think these sites are being used for is their own reality TV show. You want to be an open book and let everyone see everything. There is something to be said for keeping some secrets. A little mystery is good for you.
There was a time when the idea of "Big Brother" was bad. Nobody wanted 'big brother' watching, but now we are encouraging a bunch of exhibitionist and for that matter voyeurs. Unfortunately many of today's youth do not realize the true power of the Internet. What you think is funny and harmless today, may not be to a future university you want to attend, or a future employer who holds the keys to your dream job. People are acting without thinking through the consequences and I see a lot of regret in their future if this does not change. Your life is yours and it is okay to share glimpses, but I can't believe it is like having to tell someone to close the bathroom door. I wonder what ever happened to common sense. If you see it tell it I said hi and we sure could use some right about now.
I do see a down side to this trend. It is as if the youth of today don't see a need to keep anything secret. Don't believe me? Have you been on My Space or Facebook? Before you say anything, I am not a hypocrite just because I have a facebook account. My status updates are never overtly revealing. The problem is that teens and college students for that matter are using these social networks to do 2 things. First they want to advertise. Now why on earth you want to put a picture of yourself licking a friends face is beyond me. But your message is loud and clear...you are easy and up for anything. The second thing I think these sites are being used for is their own reality TV show. You want to be an open book and let everyone see everything. There is something to be said for keeping some secrets. A little mystery is good for you.
There was a time when the idea of "Big Brother" was bad. Nobody wanted 'big brother' watching, but now we are encouraging a bunch of exhibitionist and for that matter voyeurs. Unfortunately many of today's youth do not realize the true power of the Internet. What you think is funny and harmless today, may not be to a future university you want to attend, or a future employer who holds the keys to your dream job. People are acting without thinking through the consequences and I see a lot of regret in their future if this does not change. Your life is yours and it is okay to share glimpses, but I can't believe it is like having to tell someone to close the bathroom door. I wonder what ever happened to common sense. If you see it tell it I said hi and we sure could use some right about now.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Mississippi, I can help you
On my morning drive today, I was thinking of blog ideas. My thoughts were interrupted by the radio, the news reported that Mississippi now has the distinction of being the state with the highest number of teenage pregnancies. I say with great affection to a state I spent a wonderful 6 years living in, there is help. Let me help you! Really, what do you have to lose? Now for those of us throughout the country, try not to get too cocky the news is not good for us as a whole. For the first time since, 1991 we are seeing an increase in teenage pregnancy.
I quickly scanned the study released by the CDC reporting the increase. It was not difficult to find news articles writing about the report. A disagreement seems to be brewing between those teaching abstinence and those teaching safe sex. Supporters of safe sex say that the increase instruction of abstinence has led to this because kids did not know how to practice safe sex. Supporters of abstinence pointed out that little has stopped being taught about safe sex so the report must represent that safe sex is failing. If both sides could stop squabbling I will tell you the problem; nobody wants to tell these kids the truth: there are serious consequence to sex.
If you read the report ( http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr57/nvsr57_07.pdf ) the teens that are most at risk are: African American, and Hispanic. I wonder about the socio-economic factors involved. Additionally, I wonder about the role of the parents in the households of these teens. I doubt neither safe sex or abstinence is talked about. I am sure there is a cycle being perpetuated from generation to generation. So what are we going to do about it? We need to get to ALL teens and tell them of ALL the consequences related to sex outside of marriage.
I know it does not need to be said, but I will say it anyway, condoms have never protected someone from the emotional and psychological damage done from regret filled sex. That is why if given the opportunity to go into these underprivileged areas I will continue to only promote abstinence. As for those of you enjoying the comforts of a private education, let me remind you, the risks are still just as great for you. Herpes and HPV do not discriminate based on your parent's socio-economic status.
The news report today was sad. But it did bring me some hope. Apparently this crazy passion of mine will not have to end anytime soon. It seems there is much work for me to do. I do long for a day when the pendulum swings and society is backing the abstinence movement. Oh happy day I can't wait to see you!
I quickly scanned the study released by the CDC reporting the increase. It was not difficult to find news articles writing about the report. A disagreement seems to be brewing between those teaching abstinence and those teaching safe sex. Supporters of safe sex say that the increase instruction of abstinence has led to this because kids did not know how to practice safe sex. Supporters of abstinence pointed out that little has stopped being taught about safe sex so the report must represent that safe sex is failing. If both sides could stop squabbling I will tell you the problem; nobody wants to tell these kids the truth: there are serious consequence to sex.
If you read the report ( http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr57/nvsr57_07.pdf ) the teens that are most at risk are: African American, and Hispanic. I wonder about the socio-economic factors involved. Additionally, I wonder about the role of the parents in the households of these teens. I doubt neither safe sex or abstinence is talked about. I am sure there is a cycle being perpetuated from generation to generation. So what are we going to do about it? We need to get to ALL teens and tell them of ALL the consequences related to sex outside of marriage.
I know it does not need to be said, but I will say it anyway, condoms have never protected someone from the emotional and psychological damage done from regret filled sex. That is why if given the opportunity to go into these underprivileged areas I will continue to only promote abstinence. As for those of you enjoying the comforts of a private education, let me remind you, the risks are still just as great for you. Herpes and HPV do not discriminate based on your parent's socio-economic status.
The news report today was sad. But it did bring me some hope. Apparently this crazy passion of mine will not have to end anytime soon. It seems there is much work for me to do. I do long for a day when the pendulum swings and society is backing the abstinence movement. Oh happy day I can't wait to see you!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Get real!
Last night I switched the TV over to ABC Family to watch the season premier of "The Secret Life of the American Teenager". I confess that I only watched about 6 minutes before I turned it back to the Fiesta Bowl. I wanted to see how the show was going to address the teenage pregnancy issue. Obviously I disapproved, since I only watched 6 minutes, trust me the game was just as good as I thought it would be.
In my blog yesterday, I praised Stephanie Meyer in her handling of the issue of sex outside of marriage. I wish I could have such praise for this 'family" drama. It was just so hard to watch the 15 year old teenagers decide that the best way to handle their situation was to get married. Are you kidding me? What do you get with a pregnant 15 year old girl and you marry her to her 15 year old boyfriend? You get an even bigger mess than you had before.
I saw only one other scene, where the girl's mother is asking her father for a divorce. I could not tell if it was the writing or acting that was so bad. Either way it did not matter I switched back to a really great ball game. I asked my car pool buddy today how the rest of the show played out. Turns out they got fake ids and got hitched. Even my 13 year old friend said that it was a really stupid soap opera at this point.
What a waste. The idea and title of the show made me think it may have potential. This show has failed miserably. It could have actually been a little more realistic and helpful to teenagers without being preachy. It is far from realistic, and instead of showing how to do things correctly, it just illustrates ways to further screw up an already difficult situation. As teenagers are watching this, without their parents, they are thinking that at least these two characters love each other. After all he is not even the father of her baby. He loves her so much he wants to marry her...at 15? I don't know about you, but I am so glad I did not end up with my crush at the tender age of 15. But I do remember how sure I was that he would be perfect for me for the rest of my life. It is important to recognize that most teenagers feel this way about love, but it is up to us to remind them of how many more crushes there are out there waiting to be to explored.
No, I will not watch this huge waste of time again, not even 6 more minutes. I am sorry that an opportunity presented itself and it was not seized. Oh well, maybe there is a writer out there who can do it better. Until then I will not stay tuned.
In my blog yesterday, I praised Stephanie Meyer in her handling of the issue of sex outside of marriage. I wish I could have such praise for this 'family" drama. It was just so hard to watch the 15 year old teenagers decide that the best way to handle their situation was to get married. Are you kidding me? What do you get with a pregnant 15 year old girl and you marry her to her 15 year old boyfriend? You get an even bigger mess than you had before.
I saw only one other scene, where the girl's mother is asking her father for a divorce. I could not tell if it was the writing or acting that was so bad. Either way it did not matter I switched back to a really great ball game. I asked my car pool buddy today how the rest of the show played out. Turns out they got fake ids and got hitched. Even my 13 year old friend said that it was a really stupid soap opera at this point.
What a waste. The idea and title of the show made me think it may have potential. This show has failed miserably. It could have actually been a little more realistic and helpful to teenagers without being preachy. It is far from realistic, and instead of showing how to do things correctly, it just illustrates ways to further screw up an already difficult situation. As teenagers are watching this, without their parents, they are thinking that at least these two characters love each other. After all he is not even the father of her baby. He loves her so much he wants to marry her...at 15? I don't know about you, but I am so glad I did not end up with my crush at the tender age of 15. But I do remember how sure I was that he would be perfect for me for the rest of my life. It is important to recognize that most teenagers feel this way about love, but it is up to us to remind them of how many more crushes there are out there waiting to be to explored.
No, I will not watch this huge waste of time again, not even 6 more minutes. I am sorry that an opportunity presented itself and it was not seized. Oh well, maybe there is a writer out there who can do it better. Until then I will not stay tuned.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Twilight
Before you moan or judge just hear me out. I too have been captured by the "Twilight" frenzy. I just finished the 3rd book yesterday and boy it did not disappoint. Now for those of you living in a cave let me catch you up. Author Stephanie Meyer, has written 4 books known as the Twilight series. The books center around a teenage girl, who is living in Forks, Washington. She meets and falls in love with Edward a "17" year old vampire. I thought it sounded absurd too, but this book was recommended to me time and time again. The 8th grader that carpools with me that hates to read could not put it down and told me I had to read it! My friend that is a senior at LSU read all 4 books in a week. The Godmother to my daughter, who is 10 years my senior could not put these books down. So I did it. Stephanie Meyer is a wonderful author who not only captivated me, but millions of others!
I know you are thinking this has got to tie into abstinence in some way, and you are in luck it does! Warning! Spoiler alert if you have not read the 3rd book yet! Having read the first two books I watched the two main characters, Bella and Edward fall in love. There was no sex just normal hugging and kissing. I would see young girls walking around with copies of this book and think to myself, I hope their parents know what they are reading. I would bite my lip and be afraid to give an opinion when I did not as of yet know where this relationship was going physically. This Sat, while reading the book I could not believe my eyes. Stephanie Meyer devoted almost a whole chapter of the book to sex. And her hero, Edward, explained to Bella how he would not have sex with her until they were married.
My mouth hit the floor. But that was not all! He spoke of God's will. Here a character that had been deprived of his soul for over 70 years was still wanting to please God just in case there was a chance for him to share in the eternal life with his maker. He spoke of Virtue. Bella trying to persuade otherwise laughed and said you don't need to worry about my virtue, and he said, then what of mine? It was so powerful and thrilling to see that this pop culture craze was finally on my side of the battle of sex and it's portrayal in society.
Too often we are ready to give up something like our virtue and just shrug our shoulders at the matter. The most intimate thing we have to offer our one true love we often give away too early, because society says times have changed. Edward who comes from a time when a person's virtue mattered, and though time had changed he had not. Even though Bella used this as an argument that he needed to live in her time, he questioned was hers really all that much better. Are people happier with times changing? The high increase in STDS does not seem like a positive; it is a horrible reminder that times are changing! We as a society need to start fighting for our virtue again. And I am going to go join the Stephanie Meyer fan club. How wonderful that this author has million of teens reading her novels and she uses the platform for good.
I know you are thinking this has got to tie into abstinence in some way, and you are in luck it does! Warning! Spoiler alert if you have not read the 3rd book yet! Having read the first two books I watched the two main characters, Bella and Edward fall in love. There was no sex just normal hugging and kissing. I would see young girls walking around with copies of this book and think to myself, I hope their parents know what they are reading. I would bite my lip and be afraid to give an opinion when I did not as of yet know where this relationship was going physically. This Sat, while reading the book I could not believe my eyes. Stephanie Meyer devoted almost a whole chapter of the book to sex. And her hero, Edward, explained to Bella how he would not have sex with her until they were married.
My mouth hit the floor. But that was not all! He spoke of God's will. Here a character that had been deprived of his soul for over 70 years was still wanting to please God just in case there was a chance for him to share in the eternal life with his maker. He spoke of Virtue. Bella trying to persuade otherwise laughed and said you don't need to worry about my virtue, and he said, then what of mine? It was so powerful and thrilling to see that this pop culture craze was finally on my side of the battle of sex and it's portrayal in society.
Too often we are ready to give up something like our virtue and just shrug our shoulders at the matter. The most intimate thing we have to offer our one true love we often give away too early, because society says times have changed. Edward who comes from a time when a person's virtue mattered, and though time had changed he had not. Even though Bella used this as an argument that he needed to live in her time, he questioned was hers really all that much better. Are people happier with times changing? The high increase in STDS does not seem like a positive; it is a horrible reminder that times are changing! We as a society need to start fighting for our virtue again. And I am going to go join the Stephanie Meyer fan club. How wonderful that this author has million of teens reading her novels and she uses the platform for good.
New Year Resolutions
Happy New Year! At first I was fearful about what 2009 has in store for us, but I have decided to let 2009 see what I have in store for it! This is going to be a great year! My husband and I sat down to think about what we would like do different in 09. And then separately I have added a few more items to my list. Only one affects you, my reader, I will blog 5 days a week. That's right you will now get my witty insights and my strong personal stance on abstinence 5 days a week.
If I am going to start to revolutionize the way society thinks about sex then I can't achieve my goal in 4 blogs a month. I am also going to start a marketing campaign so I can make more personal appearances. My first talk of the new year is this Friday, I can hardly wait to get in that room and recruit more players for my team! If you want to help, just share my blog with any and all, I would be most appreciative.
I am off to write the "real" blog for today the first day of my New Year's Resolution!
If I am going to start to revolutionize the way society thinks about sex then I can't achieve my goal in 4 blogs a month. I am also going to start a marketing campaign so I can make more personal appearances. My first talk of the new year is this Friday, I can hardly wait to get in that room and recruit more players for my team! If you want to help, just share my blog with any and all, I would be most appreciative.
I am off to write the "real" blog for today the first day of my New Year's Resolution!
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