We are in heat!

Recently our puppy, Penny has come into heat. This is a whole new experience for me! My husband encouraged me not to get the dog fixed so our girls could have the joy of puppies. Against my better judgement I went along with his plan and now our little girl has become a woman. We have the perfect male for her to date in six months and if all goes according to my husband's scheme we will have puppies for Christmas.

All of this has really taken me aback, my sweet dog keeps trying to eat through our fence to get to potential suitors. Random dogs hang around our house trying to get a glimpse of that girl emitting pheromones. And when we try to take Penny for a casual evening stroll it has turned into something resembling a roller derby trying to keep her virtue intact. It reminded me that often I hear from teens I talk to, "I just don't know if I have the self-control to stop". Heads up! We are thinking, rational beings, not animals! My poor dog has an excuse, this same excuse will not fly with me when my girls enter their teen years.

If Penny goes behind my back and gets knocked up, that becomes my problem. She is not a girl that will have to really be concerned with the consequences of her actions. I on the other hand would have to figure out how to sell the by products of her poor choice in men! So yes, we have hormones and we have physical desires, but God gave us the ability to think and rationalize our decisions. He also gave us free will. Now you have a choice you can go out there and act like a dog and actually suffer the consequences. Or you can put on the brakes when things start to heat up with your girlfriend/ boyfriend and act like the rational human being I know you to be!

Bristol Palin has a regret

Months ago when the news broke that Bristol Palin was pregnant I did a blog on it. I am not going to rehash that tonight. Instead I will tell other teens to learn from her. If You have ever heard me speak on the topic of abstinence then you know that many times my choice to not have sex often came from my observing the consequences of others who chose to have sex. How many times have we said, "If I knew then what I know now I would never have done it that way". As they say hind sight is 20/20. But how much easier when we can look at the experiences of others and have no need for hind sight.
Bristol Palin looking very young, and tired said that she loves her son, but she wishes it had happened 10 years down the road. As things stand now, she is 17, with a 2 month old baby, living at home and trying to find a way to attend college and be a mom. She pointed out that if she had waited until she was 27, she could have been educated, employed, married and a homeowner. This situation she finds herself in is not ideal, but it is the result of her choosing to have sex as a teen.
When you choose to have sex outside the boundaries of marriage, the consequences that arise are very complicated. Last summer, all Bristol was thinking about was her upcoming senior year and where she would apply to college. When she discovered she was pregnant, she said that she was sick with the fear of having to tell her parents the news. In fact she was so scared she couldn't get the words out her friend had to tell them. When asked how they responded, she said that she was so upset that she hardly remembers anything they said.
When deciding whether or not you want to engage in sex outside of marriage, I beg you to look at all of the possible outcomes of your decision. When I tell you the negative consequences way outnumber anything you can come up with as a good consequence then you should use your noggin and just say no!
I don't want to hear excuses about hormones or losing self control, because that is just it...an excuse. Who do you want to be held accountable to? Yourself? Your parents? God? The child you may conceive? What is it going to take to make you understand that you and your future are worth far more than the few minutes of physical pleasure you are searching for. You know that you have the self control to holster your hormones so as to not make a life altering decision. How do you know it is life altering when you haven't even done the deed yet? That's easy just ask Bristol Palin how much her life has changed. Why repeat the same mistake others have made. Learn from them and take the easy way out say no to sex outside of marriage and enjoy the journey to your exceptional future!

Dad at 13!

Late last week I came across an article about a boy who fathered a child with his girlfriend. The baby was born and the story mainly revolved around the 13 year old father and 15 year old mother. I decided to blog on the story because of one line in the article. The line that stood out to me said that this was a first sexual experience for both of them that ended up in the conceiving of this little baby girl, Maisie.
One of the key reasons I think teens are having sex today without the fear of consequences is because they truly believe they are immune to them. Somehow they don't need to worry about getting pregnant or an STD because that happens to someone else. I remember what it was like to believe I was invincible as a teen. More than anything I desperately wanted a jeep! It was all I could talk about, it never happened, my parents had what we now recognize as common sense. But back to the jeep, I remember one day a man opening up to me about a friend of his that had suffered major brain trauma from an accident in their jeep. Their friend's bright future was gone in an instant. I can remember muttering my sorrow for them, but in the next breath saying, "but that was them it could never happen to me". How egotistical we are in our teens, the absolute belief in our own immortality. Back to the article, this boy Alfie and his girlfriend Chantelle were just messing around, exploring each other and now they have a baby. I don't know what they were thinking, but I do know they were obviously not worried about what could happen as a result of their little bedroom adventure.
Since I first read the article last week, there have been two updates added. First their was the news that they now had the baby at home. The second update was that several boys had come forward demanding a DNA test; they believe that the child could belong to any one of them. According to these boys Chantelle has had a bit of a revolving door on her bedroom. If it is true that she has been having reckless sex with countless partners, then one wonders what she was doing and why? Was she intentionally trying to get pregnant? Was she looking for love in all the wrong places? At only 15 I can't help but feel she was the predator with this 12 year old boy. That's right I said 12. He was 12 when they conceived the child.
To the parents who read my blog, stop thinking like your kids. I realize that this sensationalized story took place half way across the world in England, but what is to prevent it from happening in our very own home? Teens should not be allowed to date until they are 16. Teens of the opposite sex should not be in a home unsupervised. We should be openly talking to our kids every opportunity we get so as to avoid catastrophic consequences. And make no bones about it I do think Alfie and Chantelle's story is catastrophic for the innocent baby they had and are now determined to raise on their own. What chance of success does Maisie have when her daddy is playing video games, that is after he finishes his homework.
This story makes me sad, because I know that Alfie and Chantelle are not the odd ones out. They are just like many other 13 year olds sure that they are ready and mature enough to handle sex. I just wonder what we are going to do about it? I am including the link to the story at the end of the blog today. One of the reasons this story got so much attention is due to the picture of Alfie. He has a baby face and he is small in stature. I say 13 is 13 whether they look 8 or 18, it is time to be outraged about kids having to grow up too fast and if the image of Alfie does not light a fire in your belly then nothing will. http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2238252.ece

Spread the word

In the last 2 months I have had the opportunity to do one of my most favorite things. I love giving talks about abstinence. Typically after a talk, I receive a handful of emails. I love hearing from the teens that were in the audience. One of the emails I received, was from a girl who thanked me for coming to talk to her class. She went on to say that she never thought sex was a big deal and was sure that she would have been active before long, that is until she heard me talk. Now she is excited and wants to wait until she is married. So her email got me thinking...who knows why I started this crazy journey, that does not really matter. But if no one else heard me that day, but that one girl and she can now convince just one other person that abstinence is the best way then maybe the domino effect will take place.
I sit in my office a few times a week and write this blog. The best part of blogging so far has been tracking my readers. Google offers the greatest tool which allows me to see how many people read my blog each day and where they are from (insert shout out to England here). This month alone I have had readers in Turkey, Malta, India, Portugal, Australia, England and of course the good old US of A. Over 19 states have been logging on this month alone! What if everyone who read my blog forwarded the link to just one other person? On this blog, we constantly talk about the up hill struggle we face changing society's view of sex. Why wait for someone else to do it? Why not us? Why not now?
There are so many naysayers who tell me that they like that I do this, but I should give it up. There is no way I can turn the way society views sex. Maybe not, but I can sure try to change a few individuals and so on and so on. Not to mention I am not in this battle alone. I did not invent the concept of abstinence I just happen to really believe it makes life less complicated. So I have decided to press on full steam ahead. Now who wants to get on board? Do your part spread the word!

Unprotected sex on the rise

It hardly makes sense knowing everything we know, that unprotected sex is on the rise. The advocates for safe sex point the finger at the advocates for abstinence. They say, "see, abstinence does not work". Huge misnomer since we know that no one has ever gotten an STD or pregnant while practicing abstinence. I saw a report that said approximately 65 million Americans are living with STDs and the numbers are trending up.
I am not an advocate for safe sex for several reasons, one being that a condom has never protected someone from a broken heart. Secondly there is no form of protection out there that is 100% effective. So where does the ignorance come from that induces people to have unprotected sex in this day and age. I think that when people hear the statistics about STDs they think they are not in that demographic. Only dirty, trashy, poor people get STDs. There seems to be a misconception on who is passing these viruses and bacteria around. STDs are not thinking organisms. They are not going to stop to ask how much does your daddy make and what does he do for living, before deciding to infect you or not.
For every sexual partner you sleep with, you are not just sleeping with that one person. Their sexual history becomes your sexual history, so if they have had 6 partners so have you. People especially women tend to lie about the number of partners they have had. You cannot rely on some one's word when deciding to have sex or not. I bring this up today to say that we need to encourage one another to say no to sex outside of marriage. These numbers will continue to rise until we do something about them. We can reverse this trend by not being afraid to talk about it. There are many teens out there who just think that none of the negative consequences of sex outside of marriage can happen to them. It is up to you to help them understand that if they choose to have sex, they too will be a number/statistic before long. It's not like you get to choose the consequence either, will you get pregnant? Will you get a bacteria that can be cleaned up with an antibiotic, or will you get a virus with no cure like Herpes or HIV?
The downside to abstinence is maybe you get dumped. Boo hoo! If he or she is going to dump you for not having sex then they were not worth your time in the first place. The bright side is you can look forward to a future healthy relationship. A physically fulfilling marriage where neither of you ever has to worry about STDs.

Happy Birthday Caroline!

Today my oldest is 7! I can hardly believe it. The crazy insane part is I feel like I am still a newly wed, so how is it I have a 7 year old kid? I had my reasons for remaining abstinent until marriage, but I did not realize all of the other perks that would come along with it. After I dropped Caroline off at school today, it hit me. That little girl came into this world healthy as a horse! At no point did I have to worry about what STD I was passing on to her. Never does she meet an old boyfriend of mine and have to worry if that nice man saw her mommy naked!
I know I am being flippant, but I just can't help but feel how lucky I am! Chris and I will celebrate our 9 year wedding anniversary and for the life of me I don't see how that is possible. I love going on dates with him. I love having family nights, playing wii, making pizza, renting movies. Part of me thinks that this wonder stays with me because I wasn't busy playing house before I got married.
I have never said that God was the reason behind my abstinence decision; I wasn't mature enough in my relationship with Him to do that. But I can't help but think He was pleased with my decision, because from the moment I met my husband the blessings have been abundant. In hind sight, knowing what I know now, not only would I not change anything, but I may have even been more determined. So today as we celebrate this precious little girl my prayer for her is that she will have the wisdom needed when facing adult decisions in her teens and that God will bless her with the same happiness that I have to come to know.

Stolen Youth

I would like to report a crime. The innocence of today's youth is being stolen right in front of my very eyes. Of course this is not a new revelation but it struck me again how swiftly this is being done. Thursday night hubby and I went on a movie date. On the drive home, I heard some old school Madonna. The song was "Holiday". No, this is not the song that set me off to report this crime. But it was the song that started my thoughts a churning. That particular tape also had the song "Material Girl". The song was released in 1985. I was in the 7th grade and I thought the song was about a girl who did not need the material things in life. I guess I missed the whole point of the song. But I do remember how beautiful she looked in the pink dress as she sang in a very Marilyn Monroe style in the music video. I don't tell you all of this to show how ignorant I was. I tell you this to show you how innocent I was.
Society is forcing our kids to grow up and we are just watching it happen. We shrug our shoulders and say, "Well what are you going to do about it? It's just the way things are." Is it fair that kids in Jr high are expected to act like kids in high school? And then what of the kids in high school that are behaving as if they are in college? I understand the challenges we face as parents. But I would rather face those challenges, than have my daughter have to bear them. Because kids are making adult decisions in jr high and high school the obstacles to living a carefree tween/teen years are becoming insurmountable.
On a Friday night in high school, I would typically go to a football game and then out to eat with my girlfriends. Often on a Sat night, my mom and dad would let me have countless friends over( boys and girls) to watch movies and visit. My parents gave me an alternative to what else was out there for me. I know I was missing the keg parties and endless opportunities of having really bad sex, but I never felt like I was missing out. Maturity wise, I wasn't there yet. Because in my house I was allowed to be 15 or 16, in fact I was encouraged to embrace my age and to live it to the fullest.
This Wednesday, my Caroline is turning 7. It is all she has talked about since November. I told her this morning that, while I am not okay that she is turning 7 she has to promise to love being 7 and she may not even turn her thoughts to 8 until next January. She promised. I don't have the answers and I wish I did. But I know that I am focusing on my children embracing their age acting their age and waiting to grow up. The saying "good things come to those who wait" is true. If I can convince my kids to wait for the grown up experiences for when they are truly grown ups I think I just might win this war with society. I have not nor do I plan on surrendering the childhood of my precious girls. I will fight for mine will you fight for yours?