While my blog is entitled "Living with No Regrets" it is true that I have one. I am making myself vulnerable and open to criticism so please do not mock me when I admit my one true regret. If I had followed my true calling I would maybe not be promoting the merits of abstinence today, instead you would find me on a stage in New York belting out the latest Broadway role. It is my regret that I never even attempted to do this secret desire. Maybe I am needed in this arena of abstinence and luckily I love being a part of it. All of this intro to today's blog, is simply to set up my topic for today.
A couple of weeks ago on a Sat morning I happened to see that the movie, "Man of LaMancha" was on TV. I first saw this movie about 15 years ago with my father. He said it was one of his favorites, I figured Raquel Welch had a lot to do with it as well. A quick summary of the play is this: A noble knight, Don Quixote, is on a quest to bring compassion to all. This fine man does not realize that chivalry has died. He meets Aldonza the whore, but calls her instead, Dulcinea, the fair lady. Now Aldonza acts like a whore because that is how she sees herself. In the end, as Don Quixote is dying she sits by his bed and finally sees herself through his eyes and changes her name to Dulcinea. It gives me chills every time. ( I know nerd alert)
As I watched this very familiar scene play out on my TV, it struck me that it really is current in it's message. No, this play was not written last year, but how timeless is the concept. It takes just a minute on a myspace page to see which girls see themselves as Aldonza. They are the ones advertising on their page through their pictures what they can do for you. I wonder what makes someone think so little of themselves. This is a theme that repeatedly appears in my blogs. Why do some people think the only value that have to give is that which they can offer flat on their back? There is no love of oneself or respect of oneself in a person who can't stand who they are? And while many hide their true feelings behind big smiles, there is a great sadness the smile tries to conceal.
Secondly where are the Don Quixote's of today? I know that I married one, but I don't believe chivalry has died. If you are one of my male readers, then surly you have met your fair share of Aldonzas, but hopefully you have met some Dulcinea's as well. Have you ever tried to help an Aldonza see herself as anything more? Who would you rather be, the noble knight or the one that takes advantage of the girl with no self respect. With chivalry, compassion and respect Don Quixote convinces Dulcinea to live a moral life where she can love herself. If in the end, you are looking for a life long mate, your marriage will be certain to fail if you marry someone who does not have love and respect for her/himself. As you go on your quest to find someone to spend your life with, what are you leaving in your wake? Is there a path of destruction where you are tearing others down, or have you left a path of compassion where you have built others up and given them something to believe in? "To Dream the Impossible Dream", just maybe its not that impossible when the answer is so obvious and lies inside each of us.
In closing I am leaving you the words to Aldonza's song. See the hate she has for herself and see the beauty he knows lies within. Go forth Noble warriors and bring self respect to everyone you meet!
http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/manoflamanchadonquixote/aldonza.htm
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Natlie Dylan Selling her virginity
I am sure you have been waiting to hear what I have to say about the 22 year old California college grad, who is selling her virginity. Reportedly "Natalie Dylan" (not her real name) has decided to sell her virginity to the highest bidder in a Nevada bordello to pay off her grad school fees. Truth be told, this story did not outrage me, it simply made me feel sad.
With the youth today having sex younger and younger, I guess you could say for her to graduate from college with her virginity intact no small feat. I wonder then, what was she saving it for in the first place? At some point she had to think of her virtue as something of value, and I don't mean a monetary one. I also wonder if she is worried she will not make a decent living in the field in which she has decided to get her graduate degree. Most people who go on to graduate studies expect to repay their loan based on the salary they will make once they have completed their program. Why would she sell her virginity to relieve herself of this debt? And the next time she is in debt, what will she sell then?
This only goes to prove my point that society has devalued sex. When I was researching this story, the article said, "Natalie is a virgin and would like to sell this priceless and rare commodity in a very exclusive and private setting," I agree that what she is attempting to sell is rare and priceless, but 1 minute after the deed is done, her virginity is gone forever. There is NO value left and all she has become is a high priced hooker. The idea of calling her virginity a "commodity" says that it is an object and speaks nothing of her as a human being, or someone containing any semblance of character and integrity.
I try to imagine this Natalie, by herself an hour after the money has been left on the night stand. At first she is jubilant, she has made enough money and then some. Probably more money than some people will see in a lifetime. And then I picture her crying jagged heart wrenching sobs, because she realizes she just sold herself. She has taken her worth and traded it for a debt free life. How will she find a way to respect herself after this? What is her self esteem now, if everything she thought she was worth she sold one night never to get back?
When you abstain from sex until marriage, you first realize that you have so much more to offer than your body. You are offering to your spouse a best friend, a confidant, and yes even a lover bonded in your trust and respect for one another. Sex is not an object, rather and act of love and intimacy shared between a husband and wife. I think about Natalie and wonder what she sees when she looks in the mirror? Is all that she has to offer is what she can do flat on her back? How does she imagine this night playing out. There is nothing in this act that resemble the art of making love. This is not going to be some big romantic night. It is going to be the guy who could write the biggest check: fat, bald and sweating on her. ICK! But no one mentions that part in the article. It is all about the bordello using this girl for their own agenda, and the girl who is going to pay off her debt. We are quickly becoming a society without a conscience and there is going to be hell to pay! My prayer for Natalie, is that she finds herself worthy of everything life has to offer without having to sell herself to achieve it. My other prayer is that young women everywhere see how sad and pitiful Natalie is, and feel sorry for her and choose not to follow her.
With the youth today having sex younger and younger, I guess you could say for her to graduate from college with her virginity intact no small feat. I wonder then, what was she saving it for in the first place? At some point she had to think of her virtue as something of value, and I don't mean a monetary one. I also wonder if she is worried she will not make a decent living in the field in which she has decided to get her graduate degree. Most people who go on to graduate studies expect to repay their loan based on the salary they will make once they have completed their program. Why would she sell her virginity to relieve herself of this debt? And the next time she is in debt, what will she sell then?
This only goes to prove my point that society has devalued sex. When I was researching this story, the article said, "Natalie is a virgin and would like to sell this priceless and rare commodity in a very exclusive and private setting," I agree that what she is attempting to sell is rare and priceless, but 1 minute after the deed is done, her virginity is gone forever. There is NO value left and all she has become is a high priced hooker. The idea of calling her virginity a "commodity" says that it is an object and speaks nothing of her as a human being, or someone containing any semblance of character and integrity.
I try to imagine this Natalie, by herself an hour after the money has been left on the night stand. At first she is jubilant, she has made enough money and then some. Probably more money than some people will see in a lifetime. And then I picture her crying jagged heart wrenching sobs, because she realizes she just sold herself. She has taken her worth and traded it for a debt free life. How will she find a way to respect herself after this? What is her self esteem now, if everything she thought she was worth she sold one night never to get back?
When you abstain from sex until marriage, you first realize that you have so much more to offer than your body. You are offering to your spouse a best friend, a confidant, and yes even a lover bonded in your trust and respect for one another. Sex is not an object, rather and act of love and intimacy shared between a husband and wife. I think about Natalie and wonder what she sees when she looks in the mirror? Is all that she has to offer is what she can do flat on her back? How does she imagine this night playing out. There is nothing in this act that resemble the art of making love. This is not going to be some big romantic night. It is going to be the guy who could write the biggest check: fat, bald and sweating on her. ICK! But no one mentions that part in the article. It is all about the bordello using this girl for their own agenda, and the girl who is going to pay off her debt. We are quickly becoming a society without a conscience and there is going to be hell to pay! My prayer for Natalie, is that she finds herself worthy of everything life has to offer without having to sell herself to achieve it. My other prayer is that young women everywhere see how sad and pitiful Natalie is, and feel sorry for her and choose not to follow her.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
If you give away the milk for free...
This morning while driving carpool, the song "All the Single Ladies" by Beyonce Knowles came on the radio. If you haven't heard it let me assure you it is a catchy little tune. Today some of the lyrics started to sink in so I came home and googled the entire song's lyrics. Just as I suspected she was indeed singing what I thought she was singing: "If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it".
A quick scan of the lyrics is all it takes to get a quick overview of the tale being spun. Apparently she dated/slept with the guy for 3 years, he never proposed, she left him, he sees her at a club rubbing up on someone else and he gets jealous. Her reply is "Pull me into your arms say I'm the one you own. If you don't you'll be alone and like a ghost I'll be gone." I am just wondering what this does for the feminist movement...but I digress.
My mom always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?' This is so true. If you build a relationship on the physical foundation of sex it is like building a house on a bed of sand...it will crumble. I hear the saying, "it's the 3rd/ 4th date..the sex date". How can you possibly know enough about someone after 3 short dates to decide that he or she is worthy of the most intimate part of yourself you have to give? What are you saying about yourself when the only thing you have to offer someone is what is in between your legs? Is that all you are? Is that all you want to be? I should hope you think more of yourself.
I dated my husband for 9 months. He proposed and we were engaged for another 9 months. We had 18 months of really getting to know each other. After getting married, we went on a 9 day honeymoon to St John, where our relationship that had been constructed on a foundation of trust, and friendship finally reached the physical level. I woke up on the second day of my honeymoon and never had a moments regret or doubt. I knew he would call again, I knew he loved me. I was the luckiest girl in the world. And guess what...I still am!
A quick scan of the lyrics is all it takes to get a quick overview of the tale being spun. Apparently she dated/slept with the guy for 3 years, he never proposed, she left him, he sees her at a club rubbing up on someone else and he gets jealous. Her reply is "Pull me into your arms say I'm the one you own. If you don't you'll be alone and like a ghost I'll be gone." I am just wondering what this does for the feminist movement...but I digress.
My mom always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?' This is so true. If you build a relationship on the physical foundation of sex it is like building a house on a bed of sand...it will crumble. I hear the saying, "it's the 3rd/ 4th date..the sex date". How can you possibly know enough about someone after 3 short dates to decide that he or she is worthy of the most intimate part of yourself you have to give? What are you saying about yourself when the only thing you have to offer someone is what is in between your legs? Is that all you are? Is that all you want to be? I should hope you think more of yourself.
I dated my husband for 9 months. He proposed and we were engaged for another 9 months. We had 18 months of really getting to know each other. After getting married, we went on a 9 day honeymoon to St John, where our relationship that had been constructed on a foundation of trust, and friendship finally reached the physical level. I woke up on the second day of my honeymoon and never had a moments regret or doubt. I knew he would call again, I knew he loved me. I was the luckiest girl in the world. And guess what...I still am!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Thanks W!
I promised myself that I would keep the focus of my blogs on abstinence and away from politics. However, I would be remiss if I did not thank George Walker Bush for everything he has done for the abstinence movement. This morning as I watched the coverage on the inauguration, I swore I would not blog on it. But here I sit and I have decided that I will write about this today or nothing at all.
Eight years ago, I believe it was the day after President Bush was inaugurated, he proposed legislation preserving the rights of the unborn. I remember being giddy that he had acted so swiftly. Not long after that, he set aside money for those working in the abstinence movement. I did not apply for any of those grants so shame on me. With President Bush in the white house, I felt I had an ally in the abstinence movement. Even more importantly those with no voice were given one.
Whether or not you were a fan of President Bush, I don't think anyone could call into question his character. He was not ashamed to seek counsel from his Almighty God. And every time he asked God to Bless America he said it with such conviction. This alone was more than enough for me.
We can be sure that soon, congress will readdress the issue of the FOCA. This is a move congress did not dare to do with President Bush in office. He would not hesitate to turn away such horrid legislation that would undo the rights of the unborn that he had worked so hard to attain. Under President Obama, I am not ready to surrender this fight. I will pray for him to have a change of heart on the precious value of the unborn life. I along with millions of others will give a voice to those who cannot yet speak for themselves. President Obama has already called for an increase in funding for safe sex education. I still hold onto hope that he will leave some money on the table for those involved in the abstinence movement.
No, saying thanks to George W. Bush is not a popular move on my part. Today as he leaves office with dignity, while others continue to try to rob it for him, I cannot let him depart without my heartfelt thanks and gratitude.
Eight years ago, I believe it was the day after President Bush was inaugurated, he proposed legislation preserving the rights of the unborn. I remember being giddy that he had acted so swiftly. Not long after that, he set aside money for those working in the abstinence movement. I did not apply for any of those grants so shame on me. With President Bush in the white house, I felt I had an ally in the abstinence movement. Even more importantly those with no voice were given one.
Whether or not you were a fan of President Bush, I don't think anyone could call into question his character. He was not ashamed to seek counsel from his Almighty God. And every time he asked God to Bless America he said it with such conviction. This alone was more than enough for me.
We can be sure that soon, congress will readdress the issue of the FOCA. This is a move congress did not dare to do with President Bush in office. He would not hesitate to turn away such horrid legislation that would undo the rights of the unborn that he had worked so hard to attain. Under President Obama, I am not ready to surrender this fight. I will pray for him to have a change of heart on the precious value of the unborn life. I along with millions of others will give a voice to those who cannot yet speak for themselves. President Obama has already called for an increase in funding for safe sex education. I still hold onto hope that he will leave some money on the table for those involved in the abstinence movement.
No, saying thanks to George W. Bush is not a popular move on my part. Today as he leaves office with dignity, while others continue to try to rob it for him, I cannot let him depart without my heartfelt thanks and gratitude.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Love at the Movies
Saturday night my husband and I decided to take the kids to the movies. They LOVE going to the movie theater. We bought our tickets online spent a small fortune on popcorn and sprite and then entered the theater. "Hotel for Dogs" was being shown in one of the smaller theaters so we had to search for 4 perfect seats. I thought I saw 4 seat together dead center of the top row, I told my six year old to lead the way. As we are climbing the steps to the top, I notice that right next to the supposed 4 seats were two kids. I saw them gaze into each others eyes and then proceed to make out.
I processed the situation very quickly. Before Caroline even noticed the prepubescent lovers, I redirected her to 4 seats near the front of the theater. Once we got settled in our seats, I thought about Romeo and Juliet sitting on the top row. I took a moment to really determine their age. I would guess 6th grade; maybe you could push it and say 7th. Perhaps it was divine intervention (for them and my kids) that the seats next to the love birds were not empty. I can only imagine how long I would have held my tongue before I started in on the two of them. What I really wondered was where were their parents? Obviously they had been dropped off. How could the parents have thought this was a good idea. The way those two were going at it, makes me understand why kids are sexually active at a younger age. Seeing that much action at 12, what is left to do at 14 but go all the way.
The young mind takes a long time to develop, most studies indicate it is around age 22. While our children don't want us meddling in their social lives, we must protect them from behaving in a risky manner. Once those hormones kick in, they certainly cannot be responsible for themselves. They may hate us and think we are too strict. I for one am very thankful for my strict parents, protecting me from myself. The more I thought about the situation over the weekend I realized the blame that must lay at the parent's feet. We cannot be held accountable for the actions are kids make, but we are accountable if we place them in precarious situations. We should not condone dating in the 3rd grade. You don't go out and buy your child's girlfriend/boyfriend a Christmas present in the 4th grade. Society is already forcing our children to grow up way too fast, so why would we enable this process? Remember we are the parents not the best friend. There will be plenty of time to be friends with our kids...after they grow up!
I processed the situation very quickly. Before Caroline even noticed the prepubescent lovers, I redirected her to 4 seats near the front of the theater. Once we got settled in our seats, I thought about Romeo and Juliet sitting on the top row. I took a moment to really determine their age. I would guess 6th grade; maybe you could push it and say 7th. Perhaps it was divine intervention (for them and my kids) that the seats next to the love birds were not empty. I can only imagine how long I would have held my tongue before I started in on the two of them. What I really wondered was where were their parents? Obviously they had been dropped off. How could the parents have thought this was a good idea. The way those two were going at it, makes me understand why kids are sexually active at a younger age. Seeing that much action at 12, what is left to do at 14 but go all the way.
The young mind takes a long time to develop, most studies indicate it is around age 22. While our children don't want us meddling in their social lives, we must protect them from behaving in a risky manner. Once those hormones kick in, they certainly cannot be responsible for themselves. They may hate us and think we are too strict. I for one am very thankful for my strict parents, protecting me from myself. The more I thought about the situation over the weekend I realized the blame that must lay at the parent's feet. We cannot be held accountable for the actions are kids make, but we are accountable if we place them in precarious situations. We should not condone dating in the 3rd grade. You don't go out and buy your child's girlfriend/boyfriend a Christmas present in the 4th grade. Society is already forcing our children to grow up way too fast, so why would we enable this process? Remember we are the parents not the best friend. There will be plenty of time to be friends with our kids...after they grow up!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Remember to recommit to abstinence
Last week I had the privilege of addressing an 8th grade class. Over the weekend, one of the students emailed me that she had decided to remain abstinent until she is married. She even gave me her reasoning behind her decision. I reminded her that she was just at the beginning of a very long road and if she was ever questioning her decision, or felt like she was the only one to make that choice to feel free to contact me. It is not enough to say in the 8th grade that you will wait until you are married and then think that is the end of it.
Choosing abstinence must be done time and time again. As you mature, your reasons for abstaining will change. It is your job to remember to recommit to your decision. I have heard all about: purity rings, signing abstinence pledges, there are even dances where you wear a big beautiful gown and promise your daddy you will wait until you are married. None of these ideas will work if you think it is a one time decision. I have heard the other side tear each of these ideas apart. Honestly some of them make me raise an eyebrow as well. But if putting on a gown and going to a dance with your father is the motivation you need to save yourself from regretful decisions later, then by all means buy the dress! Just know that attending this dance may not hold the same meaning for you a few years down the road.
My reasons for abstaining in high school were not the same reasons in college. The same goes for the years following college until I married my wonderful husband. The only thing that did not change was my commitment to abstinence, and now I can look back on the decision and say with all certainty that I have no regrets about it.
Choosing abstinence must be done time and time again. As you mature, your reasons for abstaining will change. It is your job to remember to recommit to your decision. I have heard all about: purity rings, signing abstinence pledges, there are even dances where you wear a big beautiful gown and promise your daddy you will wait until you are married. None of these ideas will work if you think it is a one time decision. I have heard the other side tear each of these ideas apart. Honestly some of them make me raise an eyebrow as well. But if putting on a gown and going to a dance with your father is the motivation you need to save yourself from regretful decisions later, then by all means buy the dress! Just know that attending this dance may not hold the same meaning for you a few years down the road.
My reasons for abstaining in high school were not the same reasons in college. The same goes for the years following college until I married my wonderful husband. The only thing that did not change was my commitment to abstinence, and now I can look back on the decision and say with all certainty that I have no regrets about it.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
What are you saying about yourself?
It seems teens are expressing themselves in a whole slew of ways these days: myspace, Youtube, facebook, and even on their own bodies. Last night I was watching American Idol (I already mentioned that I am a reality TV junkie so back off). There was the most stunning girl I have ever seen. And, no, I am not talking about the cheap girl in the bikini. ( I really hope she looks back on her appearance on AI and cringes at how she was dressed and how she behaved) Back to the beautiful girl, she had a classic beauty, her skin was flawless, her make-up was just right and her hair was coiffed to perfection. She looked like a glamorous movie star out of the 40s. Then they did the full body pan and that is when I noticed she was covered in ink. From her shoulders down to her toes she had tattoos.
She talked about how deliberately the tattoos had been done so as to be sure she never has a stuffy office job. Let's just suppose that this music thing does not work out for her. Perhaps she even falls in love, marries and has beautiful babies. But after a while her wonderful husband says, you need to get a paying job to help take care of our family. Well the nice paying office job is out, thanks to her infinite wisdom at 18. My husband said, "I hope she is good at saying do you want fries with that?" None of us know what the future holds for us, but I can tell you what has been ruled out for her.
A few years ago I was watching a morning news program. They were interviewing teens who were getting breast implants as a birthday or graduation present from their parents. Nothing says a parent loves you more than receiving bigger boobies! The interviewer asked one of the girls, doesn't it bother you that you will not be able to breast feed your babies one day. The girl responded, "No, I don't think that is anything I want to do". At 16 I didn' think it was anything I would want to do either, but I am glad that when I did have babies and my opinion on breast feeding had done a 180 I still had the option available to me.
Decisions are being made that take away future opportunitites. But thanks to the shortsightedness, and superior intelligence of today's teens they don't see a problem with the ink, or the nude pictures they post on their web pages. Before you do anything: naked pics, tattoos, smoke a joint, drink and drive, think of the consequences. Is there an imediate negative consequence to the action you are about to take? What about in 5 years or 10 years from now? I am all for seizing the day as long as you are not destroying the bridges to your future. Just a closing thought because it bothers me, if you think the ink makes you unique take a look around you are just another sheep among the herd. Luckily, for the tattoo industry there is a sucker born every minute, it just doesn't have to be you!
She talked about how deliberately the tattoos had been done so as to be sure she never has a stuffy office job. Let's just suppose that this music thing does not work out for her. Perhaps she even falls in love, marries and has beautiful babies. But after a while her wonderful husband says, you need to get a paying job to help take care of our family. Well the nice paying office job is out, thanks to her infinite wisdom at 18. My husband said, "I hope she is good at saying do you want fries with that?" None of us know what the future holds for us, but I can tell you what has been ruled out for her.
A few years ago I was watching a morning news program. They were interviewing teens who were getting breast implants as a birthday or graduation present from their parents. Nothing says a parent loves you more than receiving bigger boobies! The interviewer asked one of the girls, doesn't it bother you that you will not be able to breast feed your babies one day. The girl responded, "No, I don't think that is anything I want to do". At 16 I didn' think it was anything I would want to do either, but I am glad that when I did have babies and my opinion on breast feeding had done a 180 I still had the option available to me.
Decisions are being made that take away future opportunitites. But thanks to the shortsightedness, and superior intelligence of today's teens they don't see a problem with the ink, or the nude pictures they post on their web pages. Before you do anything: naked pics, tattoos, smoke a joint, drink and drive, think of the consequences. Is there an imediate negative consequence to the action you are about to take? What about in 5 years or 10 years from now? I am all for seizing the day as long as you are not destroying the bridges to your future. Just a closing thought because it bothers me, if you think the ink makes you unique take a look around you are just another sheep among the herd. Luckily, for the tattoo industry there is a sucker born every minute, it just doesn't have to be you!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
When did Virgin become a dirty word?
Three years ago when I first started toying with the idea of speaking about abstinence, I originally thought I would call my company: Virgins until Marriage. Many people warned me that virgin had become a bad word and that would give me an uphill battle from the get go. At first I was persistent. I thought let's take the word back! I even went as far as to hire a graphic designer and had a logo made. It is a great logo I am just sorry you don't see it. I gave up and decided my battle was going to be tough enough; I didn't need to add more to my fight.
This weekend I had the privilege of giving 3 talks. (I so love getting to do this) Last night I was checking my email and one of the attendees had written me a quick message. She loved the talk and she had decided to remain a "virgin until marriage." I just stared at the screen; she had taken the word back without even thinking about it. I myself don't think I have even used that phrase in my blogs or my talks because of the bad connotation that comes with that word. How did such a word become "dirty"?
No one snickers when we think of the Virgin Mother. So it didn't happen there. When I think of Virgin Records I just think of the very famous entrepreneur Richard Branson. But heaven forbid you say the word virgin in relation to someone's sexuality and there it goes. You are either criticizing someone for what you think they are, or you are using it as a slam against someone. And its not just kids affected by this. Now that I give abstinence talks people feel very comfortable sharing all kinds of stories with me. Once a woman in her 50s was telling me a story of when she was dating her husband. As her story progresses, she says to me, "and of course at that time I was still a". She goes quiet and then says, "you know". I said, "No, I don't know. You were a what?" She whispers to me the word "virgin". I fell out laughing. A grown woman with two grown daughters was embarrassed to tell me she was a virgin.
I checked the dictionary out of curiosity. As expected, there was the old standard definition: one who has never had sexual intercourse. But there was more: uncorrupted, not used. Now that seems like a nice thing to say about someone. There goes Sally she is uncorrupted or there goes Luke he has not been used as someone's scratching post. No, I am not sure we will ever get the word back and quite frankly I don't know that I want to fight for it. But I will fight for what it means. I want everyone out the to be uncorrupted on their wedding day.
This weekend I had the privilege of giving 3 talks. (I so love getting to do this) Last night I was checking my email and one of the attendees had written me a quick message. She loved the talk and she had decided to remain a "virgin until marriage." I just stared at the screen; she had taken the word back without even thinking about it. I myself don't think I have even used that phrase in my blogs or my talks because of the bad connotation that comes with that word. How did such a word become "dirty"?
No one snickers when we think of the Virgin Mother. So it didn't happen there. When I think of Virgin Records I just think of the very famous entrepreneur Richard Branson. But heaven forbid you say the word virgin in relation to someone's sexuality and there it goes. You are either criticizing someone for what you think they are, or you are using it as a slam against someone. And its not just kids affected by this. Now that I give abstinence talks people feel very comfortable sharing all kinds of stories with me. Once a woman in her 50s was telling me a story of when she was dating her husband. As her story progresses, she says to me, "and of course at that time I was still a". She goes quiet and then says, "you know". I said, "No, I don't know. You were a what?" She whispers to me the word "virgin". I fell out laughing. A grown woman with two grown daughters was embarrassed to tell me she was a virgin.
I checked the dictionary out of curiosity. As expected, there was the old standard definition: one who has never had sexual intercourse. But there was more: uncorrupted, not used. Now that seems like a nice thing to say about someone. There goes Sally she is uncorrupted or there goes Luke he has not been used as someone's scratching post. No, I am not sure we will ever get the word back and quite frankly I don't know that I want to fight for it. But I will fight for what it means. I want everyone out the to be uncorrupted on their wedding day.
Monday, January 12, 2009
A Conundrum
While researching for today's blog, I came across a most dreadful website. The conundrum is whether or not to mention its name; I would hate to give this monstrosity a single visitor. I have answered my own question I will not give them any more traffic. The site boasts of it's feminist virtues and is awfully preachy. If there is a parallel universe where on the other side everything is the exact opposite, this site is mine. It goes against everything I believe in.
I find it very interesting those that want to bring down the abstinence movement have the most ridiculous arguments. They actually had the most absurd article on their web site stating, that 95% of Americans are sexually active before they are married (which by the way is an inaccurate statistic, you should see the study they referenced) the article says because of this fascinating statistic "Then you couldn't make folks feel all slutty and bad for doing what pretty much everyone else is also doing" Has this woman, the author of this insane article, not been told from her mom about the bridge everyone is jumping off of? Her tenure is so superior throughout the web site. It is obvious that if you disagree with her then you are just ignorant. She talks of how judgemental the people in the abstinence movement are. Ask one student who has attended my speeches if I have ever made them feel judged? I am not ignorant, on the contrary I have seen with my own eyes the damage done by engaging in sex outside of marriage. I offer kids today an alternative to risky, regretful decisions.
You, author of insidious web site, say you are a feminist and you want to protect women. If that were true you would tell them that they are precious, a gift of God made in His likeness. You would tell them that they are worth the wait. Instead you treat them like animals, that do not have the ability to say no to their impulses or sexual desires. Ladies, we are not required to have sex because everyone else is doing it. Dare to stand against this movement with me. You are not less of a person because you do not engage in sex outside of marriage, if anything your value increases. When you cherish yourself, then it is easy for others to cherish you. If you treat yourself as anything less than the wonderful person you are, then you are allowing others to do the same. Who knows maybe I will start my own feminist movement where women get to be the beautiful beings God intended them to be! Man, she has set me on a rant. I guess if I ever need blog material I know where to go!
I find it very interesting those that want to bring down the abstinence movement have the most ridiculous arguments. They actually had the most absurd article on their web site stating, that 95% of Americans are sexually active before they are married (which by the way is an inaccurate statistic, you should see the study they referenced) the article says because of this fascinating statistic "Then you couldn't make folks feel all slutty and bad for doing what pretty much everyone else is also doing" Has this woman, the author of this insane article, not been told from her mom about the bridge everyone is jumping off of? Her tenure is so superior throughout the web site. It is obvious that if you disagree with her then you are just ignorant. She talks of how judgemental the people in the abstinence movement are. Ask one student who has attended my speeches if I have ever made them feel judged? I am not ignorant, on the contrary I have seen with my own eyes the damage done by engaging in sex outside of marriage. I offer kids today an alternative to risky, regretful decisions.
You, author of insidious web site, say you are a feminist and you want to protect women. If that were true you would tell them that they are precious, a gift of God made in His likeness. You would tell them that they are worth the wait. Instead you treat them like animals, that do not have the ability to say no to their impulses or sexual desires. Ladies, we are not required to have sex because everyone else is doing it. Dare to stand against this movement with me. You are not less of a person because you do not engage in sex outside of marriage, if anything your value increases. When you cherish yourself, then it is easy for others to cherish you. If you treat yourself as anything less than the wonderful person you are, then you are allowing others to do the same. Who knows maybe I will start my own feminist movement where women get to be the beautiful beings God intended them to be! Man, she has set me on a rant. I guess if I ever need blog material I know where to go!
Friday, January 9, 2009
A reality tv world
Remember when reality TV began? I think the first show I remember was MTV's "Real World"; I know for a fact "Survivor" and "Big Brother"played into it big time. I loved how the producers of series TV shows were anxious for the fad to end. No, I think reality TV is here to stay. My dirty secret is that I am addicted. I am guilty of watching and loving: Top Chef, Project Runway, Top Design, Deadliest Catch, The Real Housewives of Orange County, and my absolute favorite..Biggest Loser! I am sure there is a 12 step program out there for me, but I just don't want the help.
I do see a down side to this trend. It is as if the youth of today don't see a need to keep anything secret. Don't believe me? Have you been on My Space or Facebook? Before you say anything, I am not a hypocrite just because I have a facebook account. My status updates are never overtly revealing. The problem is that teens and college students for that matter are using these social networks to do 2 things. First they want to advertise. Now why on earth you want to put a picture of yourself licking a friends face is beyond me. But your message is loud and clear...you are easy and up for anything. The second thing I think these sites are being used for is their own reality TV show. You want to be an open book and let everyone see everything. There is something to be said for keeping some secrets. A little mystery is good for you.
There was a time when the idea of "Big Brother" was bad. Nobody wanted 'big brother' watching, but now we are encouraging a bunch of exhibitionist and for that matter voyeurs. Unfortunately many of today's youth do not realize the true power of the Internet. What you think is funny and harmless today, may not be to a future university you want to attend, or a future employer who holds the keys to your dream job. People are acting without thinking through the consequences and I see a lot of regret in their future if this does not change. Your life is yours and it is okay to share glimpses, but I can't believe it is like having to tell someone to close the bathroom door. I wonder what ever happened to common sense. If you see it tell it I said hi and we sure could use some right about now.
I do see a down side to this trend. It is as if the youth of today don't see a need to keep anything secret. Don't believe me? Have you been on My Space or Facebook? Before you say anything, I am not a hypocrite just because I have a facebook account. My status updates are never overtly revealing. The problem is that teens and college students for that matter are using these social networks to do 2 things. First they want to advertise. Now why on earth you want to put a picture of yourself licking a friends face is beyond me. But your message is loud and clear...you are easy and up for anything. The second thing I think these sites are being used for is their own reality TV show. You want to be an open book and let everyone see everything. There is something to be said for keeping some secrets. A little mystery is good for you.
There was a time when the idea of "Big Brother" was bad. Nobody wanted 'big brother' watching, but now we are encouraging a bunch of exhibitionist and for that matter voyeurs. Unfortunately many of today's youth do not realize the true power of the Internet. What you think is funny and harmless today, may not be to a future university you want to attend, or a future employer who holds the keys to your dream job. People are acting without thinking through the consequences and I see a lot of regret in their future if this does not change. Your life is yours and it is okay to share glimpses, but I can't believe it is like having to tell someone to close the bathroom door. I wonder what ever happened to common sense. If you see it tell it I said hi and we sure could use some right about now.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Mississippi, I can help you
On my morning drive today, I was thinking of blog ideas. My thoughts were interrupted by the radio, the news reported that Mississippi now has the distinction of being the state with the highest number of teenage pregnancies. I say with great affection to a state I spent a wonderful 6 years living in, there is help. Let me help you! Really, what do you have to lose? Now for those of us throughout the country, try not to get too cocky the news is not good for us as a whole. For the first time since, 1991 we are seeing an increase in teenage pregnancy.
I quickly scanned the study released by the CDC reporting the increase. It was not difficult to find news articles writing about the report. A disagreement seems to be brewing between those teaching abstinence and those teaching safe sex. Supporters of safe sex say that the increase instruction of abstinence has led to this because kids did not know how to practice safe sex. Supporters of abstinence pointed out that little has stopped being taught about safe sex so the report must represent that safe sex is failing. If both sides could stop squabbling I will tell you the problem; nobody wants to tell these kids the truth: there are serious consequence to sex.
If you read the report ( http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr57/nvsr57_07.pdf ) the teens that are most at risk are: African American, and Hispanic. I wonder about the socio-economic factors involved. Additionally, I wonder about the role of the parents in the households of these teens. I doubt neither safe sex or abstinence is talked about. I am sure there is a cycle being perpetuated from generation to generation. So what are we going to do about it? We need to get to ALL teens and tell them of ALL the consequences related to sex outside of marriage.
I know it does not need to be said, but I will say it anyway, condoms have never protected someone from the emotional and psychological damage done from regret filled sex. That is why if given the opportunity to go into these underprivileged areas I will continue to only promote abstinence. As for those of you enjoying the comforts of a private education, let me remind you, the risks are still just as great for you. Herpes and HPV do not discriminate based on your parent's socio-economic status.
The news report today was sad. But it did bring me some hope. Apparently this crazy passion of mine will not have to end anytime soon. It seems there is much work for me to do. I do long for a day when the pendulum swings and society is backing the abstinence movement. Oh happy day I can't wait to see you!
I quickly scanned the study released by the CDC reporting the increase. It was not difficult to find news articles writing about the report. A disagreement seems to be brewing between those teaching abstinence and those teaching safe sex. Supporters of safe sex say that the increase instruction of abstinence has led to this because kids did not know how to practice safe sex. Supporters of abstinence pointed out that little has stopped being taught about safe sex so the report must represent that safe sex is failing. If both sides could stop squabbling I will tell you the problem; nobody wants to tell these kids the truth: there are serious consequence to sex.
If you read the report ( http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr57/nvsr57_07.pdf ) the teens that are most at risk are: African American, and Hispanic. I wonder about the socio-economic factors involved. Additionally, I wonder about the role of the parents in the households of these teens. I doubt neither safe sex or abstinence is talked about. I am sure there is a cycle being perpetuated from generation to generation. So what are we going to do about it? We need to get to ALL teens and tell them of ALL the consequences related to sex outside of marriage.
I know it does not need to be said, but I will say it anyway, condoms have never protected someone from the emotional and psychological damage done from regret filled sex. That is why if given the opportunity to go into these underprivileged areas I will continue to only promote abstinence. As for those of you enjoying the comforts of a private education, let me remind you, the risks are still just as great for you. Herpes and HPV do not discriminate based on your parent's socio-economic status.
The news report today was sad. But it did bring me some hope. Apparently this crazy passion of mine will not have to end anytime soon. It seems there is much work for me to do. I do long for a day when the pendulum swings and society is backing the abstinence movement. Oh happy day I can't wait to see you!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Get real!
Last night I switched the TV over to ABC Family to watch the season premier of "The Secret Life of the American Teenager". I confess that I only watched about 6 minutes before I turned it back to the Fiesta Bowl. I wanted to see how the show was going to address the teenage pregnancy issue. Obviously I disapproved, since I only watched 6 minutes, trust me the game was just as good as I thought it would be.
In my blog yesterday, I praised Stephanie Meyer in her handling of the issue of sex outside of marriage. I wish I could have such praise for this 'family" drama. It was just so hard to watch the 15 year old teenagers decide that the best way to handle their situation was to get married. Are you kidding me? What do you get with a pregnant 15 year old girl and you marry her to her 15 year old boyfriend? You get an even bigger mess than you had before.
I saw only one other scene, where the girl's mother is asking her father for a divorce. I could not tell if it was the writing or acting that was so bad. Either way it did not matter I switched back to a really great ball game. I asked my car pool buddy today how the rest of the show played out. Turns out they got fake ids and got hitched. Even my 13 year old friend said that it was a really stupid soap opera at this point.
What a waste. The idea and title of the show made me think it may have potential. This show has failed miserably. It could have actually been a little more realistic and helpful to teenagers without being preachy. It is far from realistic, and instead of showing how to do things correctly, it just illustrates ways to further screw up an already difficult situation. As teenagers are watching this, without their parents, they are thinking that at least these two characters love each other. After all he is not even the father of her baby. He loves her so much he wants to marry her...at 15? I don't know about you, but I am so glad I did not end up with my crush at the tender age of 15. But I do remember how sure I was that he would be perfect for me for the rest of my life. It is important to recognize that most teenagers feel this way about love, but it is up to us to remind them of how many more crushes there are out there waiting to be to explored.
No, I will not watch this huge waste of time again, not even 6 more minutes. I am sorry that an opportunity presented itself and it was not seized. Oh well, maybe there is a writer out there who can do it better. Until then I will not stay tuned.
In my blog yesterday, I praised Stephanie Meyer in her handling of the issue of sex outside of marriage. I wish I could have such praise for this 'family" drama. It was just so hard to watch the 15 year old teenagers decide that the best way to handle their situation was to get married. Are you kidding me? What do you get with a pregnant 15 year old girl and you marry her to her 15 year old boyfriend? You get an even bigger mess than you had before.
I saw only one other scene, where the girl's mother is asking her father for a divorce. I could not tell if it was the writing or acting that was so bad. Either way it did not matter I switched back to a really great ball game. I asked my car pool buddy today how the rest of the show played out. Turns out they got fake ids and got hitched. Even my 13 year old friend said that it was a really stupid soap opera at this point.
What a waste. The idea and title of the show made me think it may have potential. This show has failed miserably. It could have actually been a little more realistic and helpful to teenagers without being preachy. It is far from realistic, and instead of showing how to do things correctly, it just illustrates ways to further screw up an already difficult situation. As teenagers are watching this, without their parents, they are thinking that at least these two characters love each other. After all he is not even the father of her baby. He loves her so much he wants to marry her...at 15? I don't know about you, but I am so glad I did not end up with my crush at the tender age of 15. But I do remember how sure I was that he would be perfect for me for the rest of my life. It is important to recognize that most teenagers feel this way about love, but it is up to us to remind them of how many more crushes there are out there waiting to be to explored.
No, I will not watch this huge waste of time again, not even 6 more minutes. I am sorry that an opportunity presented itself and it was not seized. Oh well, maybe there is a writer out there who can do it better. Until then I will not stay tuned.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Twilight
Before you moan or judge just hear me out. I too have been captured by the "Twilight" frenzy. I just finished the 3rd book yesterday and boy it did not disappoint. Now for those of you living in a cave let me catch you up. Author Stephanie Meyer, has written 4 books known as the Twilight series. The books center around a teenage girl, who is living in Forks, Washington. She meets and falls in love with Edward a "17" year old vampire. I thought it sounded absurd too, but this book was recommended to me time and time again. The 8th grader that carpools with me that hates to read could not put it down and told me I had to read it! My friend that is a senior at LSU read all 4 books in a week. The Godmother to my daughter, who is 10 years my senior could not put these books down. So I did it. Stephanie Meyer is a wonderful author who not only captivated me, but millions of others!
I know you are thinking this has got to tie into abstinence in some way, and you are in luck it does! Warning! Spoiler alert if you have not read the 3rd book yet! Having read the first two books I watched the two main characters, Bella and Edward fall in love. There was no sex just normal hugging and kissing. I would see young girls walking around with copies of this book and think to myself, I hope their parents know what they are reading. I would bite my lip and be afraid to give an opinion when I did not as of yet know where this relationship was going physically. This Sat, while reading the book I could not believe my eyes. Stephanie Meyer devoted almost a whole chapter of the book to sex. And her hero, Edward, explained to Bella how he would not have sex with her until they were married.
My mouth hit the floor. But that was not all! He spoke of God's will. Here a character that had been deprived of his soul for over 70 years was still wanting to please God just in case there was a chance for him to share in the eternal life with his maker. He spoke of Virtue. Bella trying to persuade otherwise laughed and said you don't need to worry about my virtue, and he said, then what of mine? It was so powerful and thrilling to see that this pop culture craze was finally on my side of the battle of sex and it's portrayal in society.
Too often we are ready to give up something like our virtue and just shrug our shoulders at the matter. The most intimate thing we have to offer our one true love we often give away too early, because society says times have changed. Edward who comes from a time when a person's virtue mattered, and though time had changed he had not. Even though Bella used this as an argument that he needed to live in her time, he questioned was hers really all that much better. Are people happier with times changing? The high increase in STDS does not seem like a positive; it is a horrible reminder that times are changing! We as a society need to start fighting for our virtue again. And I am going to go join the Stephanie Meyer fan club. How wonderful that this author has million of teens reading her novels and she uses the platform for good.
I know you are thinking this has got to tie into abstinence in some way, and you are in luck it does! Warning! Spoiler alert if you have not read the 3rd book yet! Having read the first two books I watched the two main characters, Bella and Edward fall in love. There was no sex just normal hugging and kissing. I would see young girls walking around with copies of this book and think to myself, I hope their parents know what they are reading. I would bite my lip and be afraid to give an opinion when I did not as of yet know where this relationship was going physically. This Sat, while reading the book I could not believe my eyes. Stephanie Meyer devoted almost a whole chapter of the book to sex. And her hero, Edward, explained to Bella how he would not have sex with her until they were married.
My mouth hit the floor. But that was not all! He spoke of God's will. Here a character that had been deprived of his soul for over 70 years was still wanting to please God just in case there was a chance for him to share in the eternal life with his maker. He spoke of Virtue. Bella trying to persuade otherwise laughed and said you don't need to worry about my virtue, and he said, then what of mine? It was so powerful and thrilling to see that this pop culture craze was finally on my side of the battle of sex and it's portrayal in society.
Too often we are ready to give up something like our virtue and just shrug our shoulders at the matter. The most intimate thing we have to offer our one true love we often give away too early, because society says times have changed. Edward who comes from a time when a person's virtue mattered, and though time had changed he had not. Even though Bella used this as an argument that he needed to live in her time, he questioned was hers really all that much better. Are people happier with times changing? The high increase in STDS does not seem like a positive; it is a horrible reminder that times are changing! We as a society need to start fighting for our virtue again. And I am going to go join the Stephanie Meyer fan club. How wonderful that this author has million of teens reading her novels and she uses the platform for good.
New Year Resolutions
Happy New Year! At first I was fearful about what 2009 has in store for us, but I have decided to let 2009 see what I have in store for it! This is going to be a great year! My husband and I sat down to think about what we would like do different in 09. And then separately I have added a few more items to my list. Only one affects you, my reader, I will blog 5 days a week. That's right you will now get my witty insights and my strong personal stance on abstinence 5 days a week.
If I am going to start to revolutionize the way society thinks about sex then I can't achieve my goal in 4 blogs a month. I am also going to start a marketing campaign so I can make more personal appearances. My first talk of the new year is this Friday, I can hardly wait to get in that room and recruit more players for my team! If you want to help, just share my blog with any and all, I would be most appreciative.
I am off to write the "real" blog for today the first day of my New Year's Resolution!
If I am going to start to revolutionize the way society thinks about sex then I can't achieve my goal in 4 blogs a month. I am also going to start a marketing campaign so I can make more personal appearances. My first talk of the new year is this Friday, I can hardly wait to get in that room and recruit more players for my team! If you want to help, just share my blog with any and all, I would be most appreciative.
I am off to write the "real" blog for today the first day of my New Year's Resolution!
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