Sunday, August 31, 2008

Preparing for Gustav

Well the Tigers played on Saturday and they won convincingly; however there was little time to celebrate. We have been watching Gustav for days anxiously awaiting news of where it will land. On Thursday I took the imitative to buy water and batteries. On Friday, I bought dry goods and items I can cook on our gas stove top. Each day I get a little bit more and little bit more anticipating when and where this thing will land. Today is Sunday for sure we "think" Gustav will strike sometime tomorrow morning, but we are more than likely going to start getting it's outer rain bands tonight. My girls have bedrooms upstairs and we are downstairs, so tonight we will let them "camp out" in the living room. (This is a very big deal for my two angels). Additionally we bought a generator today. We have never had one before, but I think it will change how we handle the storm. We will be able to keep our refrigerator and TV running. Unfortunately it will not keep the AC going, but we have survived that before. So what does all of this have to do with living a life of abstinence until marriage.

Like in a hurricane you must be prepared ahead of time, so must you be prepared when deciding to remain abstinent until marriage. It has been a process of 4 days getting our family hurricane ready. You must constantly access and commit to living an abstinent life. First you must figure out WHY you are not going to have sex. The reasons are different for all of us. Recently a friend that often talks to me about the struggles of a "sex free life in college" blurted out to me, "Jennifer, I am not having sex, but it is not for the reasons you would want me to have". I quickly explained that I don't care what her reasons are as long as it is keeping her out of mischief. She said, "that it is just too risky, with the pregnancy and rampant STD epidemics that it is just not worth it". She went on to say that she wants to have sex, but that the consequences are too high for her to "do it". The idea is you need to decide why you won't have sex. And this is not a constant variable, this is something that will change as you change. My reasons for not having sex at 16 were vastly different from my reasons at 26, but I constantly thought about my stance on sex, reevaluated were I was and reaffirmed my position.

You cannot wait until the back seat of some one's car to decide what your opinion on sex outside of marriage is. Once you are in the throws of making out, the decision will be made for you, and the inevitable regret will follow. Just like tomorrow at 9am when Gustav hits land I can't decide to go get my supplies it will be too late, so goes for making the decision about sex in your boyfriend/girlfriend's basement. Decide now what you will and will not do and decide WHY. It can't be someone else's values or reasons it is what matters to YOU. WHY are YOU going to wait? Prepare! Prepare! Prepare! Before your life becomes like that of a hurricane! Total, uncontrolled chaos!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The most wonderful season of all...

I can't believe it is here! My favorite season has finally arrived! No, not fall (it's Louisiana we don't have a fall). It's time for football. Only 3 more days and my heart will start pounding, my hands will get clammy, I will hardly be able to catch my breath as the LSU Golden Band from Tiger Land will take the field for pre-game. I regret that I am a petite girl that never got to play the bone crushing, thrilling game of football. And now I am relieved that I have two beautiful daughters that will never play the bone crushing, thrilling game of football. So how in the world do I talk about my favorite sport and tie it in to living a life without regret? Hang with me I think I can make it work.
The title of my blog and website, living with no regrets, while centered on the idea of abstinence can really work in every aspect of your life. Take for example your studies. Let's say you have a big test coming up. You can choose to study and make an A or you can slack off, watch TV and talk on the phone and wind up making a pretty poor grade. For every decision you make there is a consequence: some good and some bad. For sex outside of marriage every consequence is going to be negative. When you have sex outside of marriage, you wonder the next day, is he/she going to call? Was I used? If you think of the consequences of your actions for almost everything you do you will more than likely have life with fewer complications. To study or not study. To have sex or not have sex. In both instances you can probably gather which may be the better option. You may not want to study, but alternatively you know you don't want to fail. You mom and dad will be on your case, you could get grounded and have trouble getting into the college of your choice. So if you sacrifice one night of TV or talking on the phone to study, you will do well on your test. Your parents will be proud, maybe even extend your curfew by an hour for being so responsible. See...good consequences.
In football, you can study the play book and game film and work really hard at practice. You may miss some time with the guys or girls hanging and having a good time, but hard work gets recognized. Coaches see the improvement and the next thing you know you are starting at this weekends game. Or how about Michael Vick. No one would ever doubt his God given talent. But certainly everyone knows how dumb he was. Forget how repulsive dog fighting is, he at some point had to make the decision to enter the world of illegal dog fighting. Knowing it is illegal he immediately knew that one consequence had to be jail time. And if serving jail time, he would be unable to fulfill his duties on the field. His income would be gone, his endorsement deals would be pulled. Had he just thought it through before he acted he could be on the sidelines with the Falcons, instead he is serving time and just filed for bankruptcy.
You may really want to have sex. You may really like the person. You probably are envisioning your future. What does that future look like if you decide to have sex, before marriage? Do you see where they dump you to sleep with someone else. Do you see the baby you are left to take care of on your own? Do you see the lifetime of battling the STD he/she just gave you? On the other hand, you wait to have sex. Best case scenario, you can see your wedding day and a life of healthy, guilt free, stress free sex. Or maybe they dump you because you won't, in which case you know, whew you just dodged a bullet. Pretty lame to compare this to football I know, but what can I say...this sport just makes me crazy!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

No Sex outside of marriage goes for you too!

Yesterday I found out some friends of mine are having marital problems. A split appears imminent; I hope I am wrong. But then I started thinking, the same thought process I apply to teens is also the same for divorced adults. I don't know why adults think the rules do not apply to them because of their age? Just as I tell teens, sex outside of marriage does not make you a grown up or mature, it makes you susceptible to all kinds of regrets and risks. The risks seem somehow greater when you have your own children involved in your mistakes.

Do you realize how many times our children do as we do and not as we say? I know many parents who want the same things I want for my children. Specifically no sex outside of marriage...it is too complicated and extremely risky. Some of my friends know this first hand, and because of their experiences want better for their kids. So to all of my unmarried peers, no sex until you are married again. Just because you are in your 30s, 40s etc it does not make you immune to STDs and emotional consequences. Furthermore, when sex is a factor you are not thinking straight, you are making poor decisions that once again do not just effect you! I get the feeling many will not like what I have written today, but as I say with the teens "trust me on this, my way is MUCH easier than yours!"

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Life is short


Yesterday we had to put our 5 month old puppy to sleep. We were devastated by our loss, but it got me to thinking. Life is too short who wants it full of regret? My husband and I were talking about Lady and if we had known it was her last day we would have...given her a hamburger for breakfast, let her sleep in our bed etc.

The truth is we don't know how long we are going to be on this planet, but do we really want to fill that time with moments of regret? Two days before our wedding, my husband and I hosted a party for all of our friends in the wedding. (we thought it was the only time we would have free to actually enjoy their company and not running around a rehearsal) It was at this dinner I was joking and laughing with a group of girlfriends. I made a joke about wedding night jitters and one of my friends stopped me and said, "Wait you and Chris haven't had sex?" And when I confirmed her suspicions she started to cry and say how beautiful that was and that she wished she had waited. Here was a friend that had been married for over 3 years and was crying with the regret that she had not saved herself for her husband. It dawns on me that people never cry because they regret not sleeping with someone...instead they cringe with regret because they did. I did not get married until I was 28. I don't think my life pre-Chris is missing anything. I think I lived fully and loved deeply without having sex outside of marriage. And best of all Chris, can meet ex-boyfriends and know that none of them have bibical" knowledge of me. If you are trying to decide whether or not sleep with someone right now, think about what I just said, you will never regret NOT sleeping with someone...if you are meant to spend the rest of your life with them, then you will have the rest of your life to...."sleep" ;)

All that being said, I still can't believe our precious puppy, Lady Jane is gone but I have no regrets knowing that her life would come to such a short end I would give her all of my love again and take all of her love she had to offer.



Saturday, August 16, 2008

Is Birth control a get out of jail free card?

My husband told me not to blog on this subject matter, he warned me of the slippery slope. I think I can manage it. I understand the teachings of our church on birth control and I understand it is a decision that should be between a husband, wife and God. But today's blog is about birth control outside the boundaries of marriage. Which then opens the ugly door of the teachings of abstinence versus safe sex. Everyone that knows me, knows that I lean completely towards abstinence. There are NO pitfalls when one chooses abstinence, but when one chooses safe sex there are many; physically and emotionally.
I quickly read a study this week about the dangers of oral contraceptives and how it interferes with a woman's hormones making her choose bad partners for life. At first glance I was completely irate. I mistakenly thought the article was implying that women are constantly dating and sleeping with the wrong guy because of the pill. Thus taking away all ACCOUNTABILITY on the woman's part. As if to say, "don't worry you are not some cheap floozy that will sleep with anyone the pill is making you do that"! I do not think the pill or any birth control should be a reason to have risky sex with multiple partners. Treating sex in this way cheapens it and takes it from being a very intimate thing to be shared among spouses, to a recreational sport that takes all value and intimacy out of it.
After stewing for several days, I went back and reread the article slowly. The article is actually a warning that because oral contraceptives can mess with a woman's hormones, instead of choosing an opposite in a mate is makes you choose someone like you, which apparently according to the study, is not how nature intended it to be. The idea is that if you are on "the pill" when looking for a mate you will choose the wrong one to go through life with. Quite frankly I don't know what to think about this study. But I would guess that if what it says is true then the only "safe" thing to do, is not take the pill and rely on good old abstinence to help lead your heart and your brain.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

How fast should our kids grow up?

Last night, with the urging from an 8th grader, I sat down to watch "The Secret Life of the American Teenager". I had seen promos for the show advertising the teenage pregnancy...high drama! I was so dumbfounded by the show I did not know how to respond. There is a scene where a 15 year old boy is talking to his dead mother about how he is in love with the pregnant teen (by the way he is not the daddy), and he is sure he will spend the rest of his life with her. I know all about thinking you have found true love at 15, but how do we convince this younger generation that there is a whole world of people and opportunity waiting for them. Your life does not have to be decided at 15. So I started tracking the problem.
Five years ago, I could turn on the Disney channel in the morning and let Caroline watch the TV safely while I tended to household business. I would say the programing was "safe" until noon. Today, if I turn on Disney in the morning, "safe" programming is over by 9:30. As much as I love "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" and "My Friends Tigger and Pooh" many mornings I skip it and put on Noggin, educational programs for the kiddos. I am not condemning Hannah Montana, The Suite Life with Zach and Codi, etc, but they are like middle school soap operas. They use phrases like shut up and stupid. These are not phrases we use in our house, but when said on TV with the canned laughter children learn that not are they only acceptable, but funny.
The most valuable lesson my parents taught me was to wait to grow up. Not to be in such a hurry. I didn't always like hearing or learning that lesson but somehow or another it stuck. I think that is why I get so ANGRY that today's youth are having their childhood stolen from them. They don't even know better to be angry about this. I think they don't know better because of the TV shows they are watching. These shows are asking them to not wait to grow up. You have TV shows talking about marriage at 15 and these kids just know that these two will end up together. And if the fairy tale can work for these fictional characters why not me. I promise you that what fiction they are watching on TV is becoming their REALITY. If what your children are watching on TV is not YOUR reality then don't let it into your homes. Turn off the TV, or switch to safe programming. Make sure your kid's are not robbed of their youth.
I would like to end this saying that after watching, "The Secret Life of the American Teenager", they did do a public announcement about kids talking to their parents about sex and vice versa, It is not enough to shut off the programming and hope it doesn't get into your house some other way, you must talk to your kids and let them know your values and your principles.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Look, Mom I'm pregnant!

These are the words I hear at least once a day from my oldest. And every time I turn to look I see she has stuffed a t-shirt or some other material up her shirt to give herself a protruding belly. I can't help myself; I go to a very dark, scary place. The only time I ever want to hear her utter this phrase is maybe on her second wedding anniversary. Instead when she says this, I picture huge regret on my part....how did I fail her?...did I not adequately warn her of the pitfalls of sex outside of marriage? What will be her life now? I know this is silly that I instinctually go to this scary place but I am very well informed on what is happening out there in society. For her to not be sexually active until she is married she will be an anomaly. Look at me I was WAY in the minority on my wedding day. At the time, I did not realize how in the long term I was going to be pleased with that decision. But I get weekly signs where I am thankful for my lack of regrets.

I should not cringe when Caroline tells me to look she is pregnant. After all God calls us to all different kinds of vocations: some are called to the convent or the priesthood, I was called to Motherhood, and my calling came at a very early age. I know this to be true, because I was probably Caroline's age when I too was stuffing pillow cases under my shirt. I should embrace my child's want to nurture. And she can't help but be aware of the beauty of pregnancy; she has a beautiful aunt carrying her next cousin as we speak. The bigger her stomach grows I know that in some ways Caroline's will too. (The Lord only knows what she will be sticking under her shirt come November). So today, while driving to mass, Caroline found something to stick under her dress and informed me that she was pregnant. Before I allowed myself to go to to the scary dark place I said to Caroline, "you know, you can't think about having a baby until you are married". And she let out a big sigh that really implied "duh", and said, "I know that Mom! I get to be a princess for a day before I have babies". I said, " Princess?" And she said, "yeah mom like the picture of you dressed like a princess when you married daddy?" Aha! The seed has been planted. Now I just need to make sure I water and nurture it!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Uh oh I think I am a hypocrite

It dawns on me the more I listen to the radio the more I have to shelter my kids from it. I will tell you the truth; if you are in my car Monday through Friday 11am til 6pm I am tuned into talk radio. (either sports or politics depending on the season) However there are days when the 2 little ones in the back seat perform a mutiny and I am forced to find some "music" on the radio. Many times when I do this I tune out what is playing. But the other day, I was sure I heard a girl singing and the lyrics were: "I kissed a girl and I liked it...I hope my boyfriend don't mind it felt so right it felt so wrong etc..." I quickly turned it off and realized that maybe the only thing safe is my ipod. I have downloaded several playlists for the girls that are safe and let's face it I think my music taste, while eclectic is pretty safe. I also noticed while downloading new songs that "I kissed a girl" is #3 on the down load chart.
It got me to thinking about what is available to my girls to just hear on the radio. My friend, Lynn and I were talking about it at the pool this weekend and she pointed out two very popular songs to me right off the bat...the first one is "Low", which I confess I LOVE but it is terrible! And the second one is called, "Lollipop". I have not listened to that one everytime I hear it I change the station, because I am pretty sure it is not about the candy. If sex is thrown into our kids faces 24 7 how do we stand a chance? Well as I said, I thought I was clever and I put my Ipod on shuffle and enjoyed some car time with my girls. That is until my husband pointed out to me that our oldest was singing "Celia" by Simon and Garfunkle. He said, "that is not even just sex outside of marriage, but sex with multiple partners. Yikes I said, "I am such a hypocrite" .
I guess I have decided that there is no easy solution. Maybe it is as simple as getting my kids to understand that I am the expert on the matter and not Fiddy cent. I don't know. But I do know we sat down on itunes last night and I let them add songs to MY Ipod!