There is a new show on MTV called "Sex with Mom and Dad". I have now watched three episodes in an attempt to blog about it and I still don't have a handle on what I want to say. However the last episode I watched was about a 20 year old man who had not had sex in two years, because of his smothering mother. What bothered me the most was his equating sex with dating. Since when did the two become one? Can't you have one without the other, or is that the problem?
In my dating history, I never equated the two. This is a concept that leaves me a little stunned and I hope it does not make me naive. I can understand that a physical relationship develops when dating someone, we call that natural. I also know that people have sex without the relationship, we call this a one night stand, or another name is tragic. But here is a 20 year old who cannot date, because he cannot have sex. How in the world does one learn how to have a meaningful, mature relationship without dating? As I have said before, a relationship built on the physical bond and not the emotional bond has a weak foundation and will not last. If this guy's only goal in dating is to get sex, then maybe his mom was right, maybe he is still too emotionally immature.
When I talk about abstinence I proclaim the virtue of how it keeps you safe both physically and emotionally. Maybe it is time to define what you want out of dating. You know you don't want to be crushed by a broken heart and you know you do not want to be strapped with an STD for the rest of your life. Use this as a guideline to decide what you do want out of your dating history. And frankly, it will be a history. Not many people get the opportunity to marry their first love and many of us will tell you that is a good thing.
I went through a lot of my old college photos this weekend and scanned them onto my computer. I had pictures of boys that I had one date with and I had pictures of guys I dated for a while. You know what I didn't have? Regrets. Each guy is now part of my dating history. That history helped me decided what I wanted in a partner for the rest of my life. I knew what I wanted in my spouse and I knew what I didn't want. Beyond a very few bad dates, mostly I have happy memories. Each one of these guys I can greet with a smile and a quick introduction to my cute husband. And my cute husband can shake their hands and look them in the eye and know that he is the only one who has ever or will ever have all of me. Now that is a bond built on a solid foundation. Stop confusing dating with sex, you can have one without the other!
1 comment:
hi.. just reading your blog.. Well I think for girls it is easier to have that because yall are more emotional than physical and all guys can think about is the physical. I think on the surface all a guys wants is for a girl to love him for him and that she be pretty. But i know that's too simple for a woman and she will never just love him for him but him for what he's got or him for what position he has or countless other things. Because of this it makes it hard to figure out what kind of woman you want. I'm 31 and have never really dated because I don't feel very accepted by society. And I don't have any good relationships in my life. This obviously has affected my love life or lack thereof. But i am trying.
I do agree with what you had to say. But it's so hard to get a woman's attention it seems. And if you just be nice to her she will never want to be anything more. To me a very harsh game.
Currently I'm looking at woman for sex and hoping a relationship might spawn out of it.
Anyways, idk.. Just thought I would give you some feedback.
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