While my blog is entitled "Living with No Regrets" it is true that I have one. I am making myself vulnerable and open to criticism so please do not mock me when I admit my one true regret. If I had followed my true calling I would maybe not be promoting the merits of abstinence today, instead you would find me on a stage in New York belting out the latest Broadway role. It is my regret that I never even attempted to do this secret desire. Maybe I am needed in this arena of abstinence and luckily I love being a part of it. All of this intro to today's blog, is simply to set up my topic for today.
A couple of weeks ago on a Sat morning I happened to see that the movie, "Man of LaMancha" was on TV. I first saw this movie about 15 years ago with my father. He said it was one of his favorites, I figured Raquel Welch had a lot to do with it as well. A quick summary of the play is this: A noble knight, Don Quixote, is on a quest to bring compassion to all. This fine man does not realize that chivalry has died. He meets Aldonza the whore, but calls her instead, Dulcinea, the fair lady. Now Aldonza acts like a whore because that is how she sees herself. In the end, as Don Quixote is dying she sits by his bed and finally sees herself through his eyes and changes her name to Dulcinea. It gives me chills every time. ( I know nerd alert)
As I watched this very familiar scene play out on my TV, it struck me that it really is current in it's message. No, this play was not written last year, but how timeless is the concept. It takes just a minute on a myspace page to see which girls see themselves as Aldonza. They are the ones advertising on their page through their pictures what they can do for you. I wonder what makes someone think so little of themselves. This is a theme that repeatedly appears in my blogs. Why do some people think the only value that have to give is that which they can offer flat on their back? There is no love of oneself or respect of oneself in a person who can't stand who they are? And while many hide their true feelings behind big smiles, there is a great sadness the smile tries to conceal.
Secondly where are the Don Quixote's of today? I know that I married one, but I don't believe chivalry has died. If you are one of my male readers, then surly you have met your fair share of Aldonzas, but hopefully you have met some Dulcinea's as well. Have you ever tried to help an Aldonza see herself as anything more? Who would you rather be, the noble knight or the one that takes advantage of the girl with no self respect. With chivalry, compassion and respect Don Quixote convinces Dulcinea to live a moral life where she can love herself. If in the end, you are looking for a life long mate, your marriage will be certain to fail if you marry someone who does not have love and respect for her/himself. As you go on your quest to find someone to spend your life with, what are you leaving in your wake? Is there a path of destruction where you are tearing others down, or have you left a path of compassion where you have built others up and given them something to believe in? "To Dream the Impossible Dream", just maybe its not that impossible when the answer is so obvious and lies inside each of us.
In closing I am leaving you the words to Aldonza's song. See the hate she has for herself and see the beauty he knows lies within. Go forth Noble warriors and bring self respect to everyone you meet!
http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/manoflamanchadonquixote/aldonza.htm
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Natlie Dylan Selling her virginity
I am sure you have been waiting to hear what I have to say about the 22 year old California college grad, who is selling her virginity. Reportedly "Natalie Dylan" (not her real name) has decided to sell her virginity to the highest bidder in a Nevada bordello to pay off her grad school fees. Truth be told, this story did not outrage me, it simply made me feel sad.
With the youth today having sex younger and younger, I guess you could say for her to graduate from college with her virginity intact no small feat. I wonder then, what was she saving it for in the first place? At some point she had to think of her virtue as something of value, and I don't mean a monetary one. I also wonder if she is worried she will not make a decent living in the field in which she has decided to get her graduate degree. Most people who go on to graduate studies expect to repay their loan based on the salary they will make once they have completed their program. Why would she sell her virginity to relieve herself of this debt? And the next time she is in debt, what will she sell then?
This only goes to prove my point that society has devalued sex. When I was researching this story, the article said, "Natalie is a virgin and would like to sell this priceless and rare commodity in a very exclusive and private setting," I agree that what she is attempting to sell is rare and priceless, but 1 minute after the deed is done, her virginity is gone forever. There is NO value left and all she has become is a high priced hooker. The idea of calling her virginity a "commodity" says that it is an object and speaks nothing of her as a human being, or someone containing any semblance of character and integrity.
I try to imagine this Natalie, by herself an hour after the money has been left on the night stand. At first she is jubilant, she has made enough money and then some. Probably more money than some people will see in a lifetime. And then I picture her crying jagged heart wrenching sobs, because she realizes she just sold herself. She has taken her worth and traded it for a debt free life. How will she find a way to respect herself after this? What is her self esteem now, if everything she thought she was worth she sold one night never to get back?
When you abstain from sex until marriage, you first realize that you have so much more to offer than your body. You are offering to your spouse a best friend, a confidant, and yes even a lover bonded in your trust and respect for one another. Sex is not an object, rather and act of love and intimacy shared between a husband and wife. I think about Natalie and wonder what she sees when she looks in the mirror? Is all that she has to offer is what she can do flat on her back? How does she imagine this night playing out. There is nothing in this act that resemble the art of making love. This is not going to be some big romantic night. It is going to be the guy who could write the biggest check: fat, bald and sweating on her. ICK! But no one mentions that part in the article. It is all about the bordello using this girl for their own agenda, and the girl who is going to pay off her debt. We are quickly becoming a society without a conscience and there is going to be hell to pay! My prayer for Natalie, is that she finds herself worthy of everything life has to offer without having to sell herself to achieve it. My other prayer is that young women everywhere see how sad and pitiful Natalie is, and feel sorry for her and choose not to follow her.
With the youth today having sex younger and younger, I guess you could say for her to graduate from college with her virginity intact no small feat. I wonder then, what was she saving it for in the first place? At some point she had to think of her virtue as something of value, and I don't mean a monetary one. I also wonder if she is worried she will not make a decent living in the field in which she has decided to get her graduate degree. Most people who go on to graduate studies expect to repay their loan based on the salary they will make once they have completed their program. Why would she sell her virginity to relieve herself of this debt? And the next time she is in debt, what will she sell then?
This only goes to prove my point that society has devalued sex. When I was researching this story, the article said, "Natalie is a virgin and would like to sell this priceless and rare commodity in a very exclusive and private setting," I agree that what she is attempting to sell is rare and priceless, but 1 minute after the deed is done, her virginity is gone forever. There is NO value left and all she has become is a high priced hooker. The idea of calling her virginity a "commodity" says that it is an object and speaks nothing of her as a human being, or someone containing any semblance of character and integrity.
I try to imagine this Natalie, by herself an hour after the money has been left on the night stand. At first she is jubilant, she has made enough money and then some. Probably more money than some people will see in a lifetime. And then I picture her crying jagged heart wrenching sobs, because she realizes she just sold herself. She has taken her worth and traded it for a debt free life. How will she find a way to respect herself after this? What is her self esteem now, if everything she thought she was worth she sold one night never to get back?
When you abstain from sex until marriage, you first realize that you have so much more to offer than your body. You are offering to your spouse a best friend, a confidant, and yes even a lover bonded in your trust and respect for one another. Sex is not an object, rather and act of love and intimacy shared between a husband and wife. I think about Natalie and wonder what she sees when she looks in the mirror? Is all that she has to offer is what she can do flat on her back? How does she imagine this night playing out. There is nothing in this act that resemble the art of making love. This is not going to be some big romantic night. It is going to be the guy who could write the biggest check: fat, bald and sweating on her. ICK! But no one mentions that part in the article. It is all about the bordello using this girl for their own agenda, and the girl who is going to pay off her debt. We are quickly becoming a society without a conscience and there is going to be hell to pay! My prayer for Natalie, is that she finds herself worthy of everything life has to offer without having to sell herself to achieve it. My other prayer is that young women everywhere see how sad and pitiful Natalie is, and feel sorry for her and choose not to follow her.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
If you give away the milk for free...
This morning while driving carpool, the song "All the Single Ladies" by Beyonce Knowles came on the radio. If you haven't heard it let me assure you it is a catchy little tune. Today some of the lyrics started to sink in so I came home and googled the entire song's lyrics. Just as I suspected she was indeed singing what I thought she was singing: "If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it".
A quick scan of the lyrics is all it takes to get a quick overview of the tale being spun. Apparently she dated/slept with the guy for 3 years, he never proposed, she left him, he sees her at a club rubbing up on someone else and he gets jealous. Her reply is "Pull me into your arms say I'm the one you own. If you don't you'll be alone and like a ghost I'll be gone." I am just wondering what this does for the feminist movement...but I digress.
My mom always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?' This is so true. If you build a relationship on the physical foundation of sex it is like building a house on a bed of sand...it will crumble. I hear the saying, "it's the 3rd/ 4th date..the sex date". How can you possibly know enough about someone after 3 short dates to decide that he or she is worthy of the most intimate part of yourself you have to give? What are you saying about yourself when the only thing you have to offer someone is what is in between your legs? Is that all you are? Is that all you want to be? I should hope you think more of yourself.
I dated my husband for 9 months. He proposed and we were engaged for another 9 months. We had 18 months of really getting to know each other. After getting married, we went on a 9 day honeymoon to St John, where our relationship that had been constructed on a foundation of trust, and friendship finally reached the physical level. I woke up on the second day of my honeymoon and never had a moments regret or doubt. I knew he would call again, I knew he loved me. I was the luckiest girl in the world. And guess what...I still am!
A quick scan of the lyrics is all it takes to get a quick overview of the tale being spun. Apparently she dated/slept with the guy for 3 years, he never proposed, she left him, he sees her at a club rubbing up on someone else and he gets jealous. Her reply is "Pull me into your arms say I'm the one you own. If you don't you'll be alone and like a ghost I'll be gone." I am just wondering what this does for the feminist movement...but I digress.
My mom always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?' This is so true. If you build a relationship on the physical foundation of sex it is like building a house on a bed of sand...it will crumble. I hear the saying, "it's the 3rd/ 4th date..the sex date". How can you possibly know enough about someone after 3 short dates to decide that he or she is worthy of the most intimate part of yourself you have to give? What are you saying about yourself when the only thing you have to offer someone is what is in between your legs? Is that all you are? Is that all you want to be? I should hope you think more of yourself.
I dated my husband for 9 months. He proposed and we were engaged for another 9 months. We had 18 months of really getting to know each other. After getting married, we went on a 9 day honeymoon to St John, where our relationship that had been constructed on a foundation of trust, and friendship finally reached the physical level. I woke up on the second day of my honeymoon and never had a moments regret or doubt. I knew he would call again, I knew he loved me. I was the luckiest girl in the world. And guess what...I still am!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Thanks W!
I promised myself that I would keep the focus of my blogs on abstinence and away from politics. However, I would be remiss if I did not thank George Walker Bush for everything he has done for the abstinence movement. This morning as I watched the coverage on the inauguration, I swore I would not blog on it. But here I sit and I have decided that I will write about this today or nothing at all.
Eight years ago, I believe it was the day after President Bush was inaugurated, he proposed legislation preserving the rights of the unborn. I remember being giddy that he had acted so swiftly. Not long after that, he set aside money for those working in the abstinence movement. I did not apply for any of those grants so shame on me. With President Bush in the white house, I felt I had an ally in the abstinence movement. Even more importantly those with no voice were given one.
Whether or not you were a fan of President Bush, I don't think anyone could call into question his character. He was not ashamed to seek counsel from his Almighty God. And every time he asked God to Bless America he said it with such conviction. This alone was more than enough for me.
We can be sure that soon, congress will readdress the issue of the FOCA. This is a move congress did not dare to do with President Bush in office. He would not hesitate to turn away such horrid legislation that would undo the rights of the unborn that he had worked so hard to attain. Under President Obama, I am not ready to surrender this fight. I will pray for him to have a change of heart on the precious value of the unborn life. I along with millions of others will give a voice to those who cannot yet speak for themselves. President Obama has already called for an increase in funding for safe sex education. I still hold onto hope that he will leave some money on the table for those involved in the abstinence movement.
No, saying thanks to George W. Bush is not a popular move on my part. Today as he leaves office with dignity, while others continue to try to rob it for him, I cannot let him depart without my heartfelt thanks and gratitude.
Eight years ago, I believe it was the day after President Bush was inaugurated, he proposed legislation preserving the rights of the unborn. I remember being giddy that he had acted so swiftly. Not long after that, he set aside money for those working in the abstinence movement. I did not apply for any of those grants so shame on me. With President Bush in the white house, I felt I had an ally in the abstinence movement. Even more importantly those with no voice were given one.
Whether or not you were a fan of President Bush, I don't think anyone could call into question his character. He was not ashamed to seek counsel from his Almighty God. And every time he asked God to Bless America he said it with such conviction. This alone was more than enough for me.
We can be sure that soon, congress will readdress the issue of the FOCA. This is a move congress did not dare to do with President Bush in office. He would not hesitate to turn away such horrid legislation that would undo the rights of the unborn that he had worked so hard to attain. Under President Obama, I am not ready to surrender this fight. I will pray for him to have a change of heart on the precious value of the unborn life. I along with millions of others will give a voice to those who cannot yet speak for themselves. President Obama has already called for an increase in funding for safe sex education. I still hold onto hope that he will leave some money on the table for those involved in the abstinence movement.
No, saying thanks to George W. Bush is not a popular move on my part. Today as he leaves office with dignity, while others continue to try to rob it for him, I cannot let him depart without my heartfelt thanks and gratitude.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Love at the Movies
Saturday night my husband and I decided to take the kids to the movies. They LOVE going to the movie theater. We bought our tickets online spent a small fortune on popcorn and sprite and then entered the theater. "Hotel for Dogs" was being shown in one of the smaller theaters so we had to search for 4 perfect seats. I thought I saw 4 seat together dead center of the top row, I told my six year old to lead the way. As we are climbing the steps to the top, I notice that right next to the supposed 4 seats were two kids. I saw them gaze into each others eyes and then proceed to make out.
I processed the situation very quickly. Before Caroline even noticed the prepubescent lovers, I redirected her to 4 seats near the front of the theater. Once we got settled in our seats, I thought about Romeo and Juliet sitting on the top row. I took a moment to really determine their age. I would guess 6th grade; maybe you could push it and say 7th. Perhaps it was divine intervention (for them and my kids) that the seats next to the love birds were not empty. I can only imagine how long I would have held my tongue before I started in on the two of them. What I really wondered was where were their parents? Obviously they had been dropped off. How could the parents have thought this was a good idea. The way those two were going at it, makes me understand why kids are sexually active at a younger age. Seeing that much action at 12, what is left to do at 14 but go all the way.
The young mind takes a long time to develop, most studies indicate it is around age 22. While our children don't want us meddling in their social lives, we must protect them from behaving in a risky manner. Once those hormones kick in, they certainly cannot be responsible for themselves. They may hate us and think we are too strict. I for one am very thankful for my strict parents, protecting me from myself. The more I thought about the situation over the weekend I realized the blame that must lay at the parent's feet. We cannot be held accountable for the actions are kids make, but we are accountable if we place them in precarious situations. We should not condone dating in the 3rd grade. You don't go out and buy your child's girlfriend/boyfriend a Christmas present in the 4th grade. Society is already forcing our children to grow up way too fast, so why would we enable this process? Remember we are the parents not the best friend. There will be plenty of time to be friends with our kids...after they grow up!
I processed the situation very quickly. Before Caroline even noticed the prepubescent lovers, I redirected her to 4 seats near the front of the theater. Once we got settled in our seats, I thought about Romeo and Juliet sitting on the top row. I took a moment to really determine their age. I would guess 6th grade; maybe you could push it and say 7th. Perhaps it was divine intervention (for them and my kids) that the seats next to the love birds were not empty. I can only imagine how long I would have held my tongue before I started in on the two of them. What I really wondered was where were their parents? Obviously they had been dropped off. How could the parents have thought this was a good idea. The way those two were going at it, makes me understand why kids are sexually active at a younger age. Seeing that much action at 12, what is left to do at 14 but go all the way.
The young mind takes a long time to develop, most studies indicate it is around age 22. While our children don't want us meddling in their social lives, we must protect them from behaving in a risky manner. Once those hormones kick in, they certainly cannot be responsible for themselves. They may hate us and think we are too strict. I for one am very thankful for my strict parents, protecting me from myself. The more I thought about the situation over the weekend I realized the blame that must lay at the parent's feet. We cannot be held accountable for the actions are kids make, but we are accountable if we place them in precarious situations. We should not condone dating in the 3rd grade. You don't go out and buy your child's girlfriend/boyfriend a Christmas present in the 4th grade. Society is already forcing our children to grow up way too fast, so why would we enable this process? Remember we are the parents not the best friend. There will be plenty of time to be friends with our kids...after they grow up!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Remember to recommit to abstinence
Last week I had the privilege of addressing an 8th grade class. Over the weekend, one of the students emailed me that she had decided to remain abstinent until she is married. She even gave me her reasoning behind her decision. I reminded her that she was just at the beginning of a very long road and if she was ever questioning her decision, or felt like she was the only one to make that choice to feel free to contact me. It is not enough to say in the 8th grade that you will wait until you are married and then think that is the end of it.
Choosing abstinence must be done time and time again. As you mature, your reasons for abstaining will change. It is your job to remember to recommit to your decision. I have heard all about: purity rings, signing abstinence pledges, there are even dances where you wear a big beautiful gown and promise your daddy you will wait until you are married. None of these ideas will work if you think it is a one time decision. I have heard the other side tear each of these ideas apart. Honestly some of them make me raise an eyebrow as well. But if putting on a gown and going to a dance with your father is the motivation you need to save yourself from regretful decisions later, then by all means buy the dress! Just know that attending this dance may not hold the same meaning for you a few years down the road.
My reasons for abstaining in high school were not the same reasons in college. The same goes for the years following college until I married my wonderful husband. The only thing that did not change was my commitment to abstinence, and now I can look back on the decision and say with all certainty that I have no regrets about it.
Choosing abstinence must be done time and time again. As you mature, your reasons for abstaining will change. It is your job to remember to recommit to your decision. I have heard all about: purity rings, signing abstinence pledges, there are even dances where you wear a big beautiful gown and promise your daddy you will wait until you are married. None of these ideas will work if you think it is a one time decision. I have heard the other side tear each of these ideas apart. Honestly some of them make me raise an eyebrow as well. But if putting on a gown and going to a dance with your father is the motivation you need to save yourself from regretful decisions later, then by all means buy the dress! Just know that attending this dance may not hold the same meaning for you a few years down the road.
My reasons for abstaining in high school were not the same reasons in college. The same goes for the years following college until I married my wonderful husband. The only thing that did not change was my commitment to abstinence, and now I can look back on the decision and say with all certainty that I have no regrets about it.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
What are you saying about yourself?
It seems teens are expressing themselves in a whole slew of ways these days: myspace, Youtube, facebook, and even on their own bodies. Last night I was watching American Idol (I already mentioned that I am a reality TV junkie so back off). There was the most stunning girl I have ever seen. And, no, I am not talking about the cheap girl in the bikini. ( I really hope she looks back on her appearance on AI and cringes at how she was dressed and how she behaved) Back to the beautiful girl, she had a classic beauty, her skin was flawless, her make-up was just right and her hair was coiffed to perfection. She looked like a glamorous movie star out of the 40s. Then they did the full body pan and that is when I noticed she was covered in ink. From her shoulders down to her toes she had tattoos.
She talked about how deliberately the tattoos had been done so as to be sure she never has a stuffy office job. Let's just suppose that this music thing does not work out for her. Perhaps she even falls in love, marries and has beautiful babies. But after a while her wonderful husband says, you need to get a paying job to help take care of our family. Well the nice paying office job is out, thanks to her infinite wisdom at 18. My husband said, "I hope she is good at saying do you want fries with that?" None of us know what the future holds for us, but I can tell you what has been ruled out for her.
A few years ago I was watching a morning news program. They were interviewing teens who were getting breast implants as a birthday or graduation present from their parents. Nothing says a parent loves you more than receiving bigger boobies! The interviewer asked one of the girls, doesn't it bother you that you will not be able to breast feed your babies one day. The girl responded, "No, I don't think that is anything I want to do". At 16 I didn' think it was anything I would want to do either, but I am glad that when I did have babies and my opinion on breast feeding had done a 180 I still had the option available to me.
Decisions are being made that take away future opportunitites. But thanks to the shortsightedness, and superior intelligence of today's teens they don't see a problem with the ink, or the nude pictures they post on their web pages. Before you do anything: naked pics, tattoos, smoke a joint, drink and drive, think of the consequences. Is there an imediate negative consequence to the action you are about to take? What about in 5 years or 10 years from now? I am all for seizing the day as long as you are not destroying the bridges to your future. Just a closing thought because it bothers me, if you think the ink makes you unique take a look around you are just another sheep among the herd. Luckily, for the tattoo industry there is a sucker born every minute, it just doesn't have to be you!
She talked about how deliberately the tattoos had been done so as to be sure she never has a stuffy office job. Let's just suppose that this music thing does not work out for her. Perhaps she even falls in love, marries and has beautiful babies. But after a while her wonderful husband says, you need to get a paying job to help take care of our family. Well the nice paying office job is out, thanks to her infinite wisdom at 18. My husband said, "I hope she is good at saying do you want fries with that?" None of us know what the future holds for us, but I can tell you what has been ruled out for her.
A few years ago I was watching a morning news program. They were interviewing teens who were getting breast implants as a birthday or graduation present from their parents. Nothing says a parent loves you more than receiving bigger boobies! The interviewer asked one of the girls, doesn't it bother you that you will not be able to breast feed your babies one day. The girl responded, "No, I don't think that is anything I want to do". At 16 I didn' think it was anything I would want to do either, but I am glad that when I did have babies and my opinion on breast feeding had done a 180 I still had the option available to me.
Decisions are being made that take away future opportunitites. But thanks to the shortsightedness, and superior intelligence of today's teens they don't see a problem with the ink, or the nude pictures they post on their web pages. Before you do anything: naked pics, tattoos, smoke a joint, drink and drive, think of the consequences. Is there an imediate negative consequence to the action you are about to take? What about in 5 years or 10 years from now? I am all for seizing the day as long as you are not destroying the bridges to your future. Just a closing thought because it bothers me, if you think the ink makes you unique take a look around you are just another sheep among the herd. Luckily, for the tattoo industry there is a sucker born every minute, it just doesn't have to be you!
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