The Fairy Tale Wedding

I don't know if you are like me or not, but I think I have heard enough about the impending Royal Wedding. Sure I understand how people can get swept up in the excitement, but when you break it down, it is still just a wedding. There is a song I like from a very raunchy play, but I think one of the lines from that song definitely relates to the frenzy of what we are all witnessing. The line from the song is, "It's a fine fine line between a fairy tale and a lie". Millions watched as Princess Diana married Prince Charles. Everyone hung unto every detail of that wedding and maybe even wished it was them. Well, lets see how that fairy tale played out...It was a loveless marriage that ended in divorce. And well, Princess Di took on a lover, travelled with him to Paris, where she was in a car accident and died! No happily ever after there.

Now, we have a ROYAL WEDDING where the future King of England has been shacking up with the future princess. I am a huge fan of fairy tales, but I don't believe in any of them did the prince say, "Hey Cinderella, this is a demanding life I lead, why don't we live together and see if you are in it for the long haul" Be still my beating heart! I ask you parents, is this the dreams you have for your kids, don't you want more for them? Don't you know that there is more in store for them?

Tomorrow as the future King and his bride declare their vows, my husband and I will be celebrating 11 years of marriage. What I have been blessed with, is as close to a fairy tale as I think I can ever find. We had a BEAUTIFUL wedding (thanks Mom and Dad), we went on a 9 day honeymoon to St. John USVI. We returned to our house that was not ours until after we said I do. We built that house into a home and had 2 perfect baby girls. Later we bought a 2nd home big enough to accommodate the 4 of us and our 2 high maintenance dogs. But this fairy tale is real life, kids get sick, husbands get cranky, and dogs die. God promised us life and we make the best of what he gives us. He did not promise us all rosy days with no stress, disappointment or sadness.

I worry that tomorrow people will watch the Royal Wedding and will buy into the fairy tale and forget the reality. William and Kate will have immense pressures to deal with in their marriage, always under public scrutiny, constantly being second guessed. Marriage is hard enough when you are not royalty I cannot imagine the obstacles they will have to endure. I guess what I want people to understand is the sacredness of marriage and of love and never confusing that with, well, fairy tales!

Happy Anniversary, Chris!

Justin Bieber doesn't believe in loveless sex!

I recently read an article in Rolling Stone about Justin Bieber. I have two daughters, my 5 year old has "Bieber Fever" and my 9 year old says, "he looks like a girl and sounds like a girl...she just doesn't get it". In any case, as a parent I usually take notice when there is a new icon on the scene. It seems no matter your opinion on the Bieber, he is hard to ignore, in fact he is EVERYWHERE!



I think it is great that Rolling Stone wanted to write an article about him. I was curious why they felt the need to ask him such heavy questions. Why should people know this teens stance on abortion? In fact he caught some flack for being against it. When asked about abstinence, he replied that he did not believe in loveless sex. Here is where I try to put it into perspective. On the one hand he is quite the teen idol and I am sure there are girls that would do anything to have intimate time with him. So kudos to the guy that doesn't believe in having sex with every groupie throwing themselves at him. On the other hand, we are not all pop stars, so while our pressures may not be as constant or intense, they are still there.



I am curious as to your thoughts on his idea of loveless sex versus loving sex. Especially in the context of teens having sex. You well know I have a thought on this and if you would permit me I would like a second to share my opinion. I don't relish in the idea of reminding you of how wise I have gotten in my older age, but I do have the benefit of perspective that many teens don't have yet. When I think about some of the guys in high school that I just knew I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I can now laugh at how silly I was. At 16, I had no idea what true love really it is. Oh, I thought I did, I mean I had seen "Sixteen Candles" and "Dirty Dancing" enough times to get the idea.



Now as a wife and mother of 2, I have a different idea of love. Don't get me wrong, my husband has a way of making me feel like Molly Ringwold being kissed over a birthday cake. But our love is deeper than that. I feel challenged to find ways each day to build my husband up, to make him a better person. It is not my job to point out his flaws and nag him endlessly. What can I do each day to make him feel loved and cherished. Knowing that there will be obstacles in his day, I don't want to be one of those. I want to be on the other side of one of the speed bumps that comes his way, offering my hand to help him to the other side.



No offense to teens everywhere, but when I was one, I was definitely more consumed with myself and my needs to have worried about others as I do now. One must ask then, what is sex to a teen? If it is a way to show love, then we know as teens this is a poor choice. We are not mature enough to handle emotionally the true ramifications of "making love". I guess my beef with the article is that while Justin Bieber understands the difference between sex and making love, I don't think he is mature enough to understand what it really means to make love. If you are doing "it" correctly it is not just an action that you brag about. It is the complete giving of yourself into the care of another. Where else can this be done as safely and lovingly than in the arms of your spouse. Not just someone in your chemistry class that you THINK you really love.



Long story short I don't believe in loveless sex either. But I also think you don't have a clue as to what love really is, until life stops being all about you. I know some of my teen followers are not going to like this blog, in fact you may be offended by it. I would love to hear from you, go ahead and convince me that I am wrong...this could be fun!

I'm Back!

After an almost 2 year hiatus, I have decided to return to my blog. It is quite possible that it will go unread, but I cannot let that stop me. I have received countless signs that this is what I need to be doing so here goes nothing....again!


The last two weeks the Gospel readings have really been urging me in this direction. At mass, two weeks ago, Father spoke of Mother Teresa. She was but one person and look at all of the good she accomplished. He then pointed out that we, Catholics, are 65 million strong. What if each of us just did one thing to bring the light of Christ to others? I do believe that my talks and blogs are what God wants me to work on.


You might ask, "where have you been"? I would tell you that I have been very discouraged. No matter how many negative consequences there are when teens have sex, they seem to be all overlooked for a few minutes of pleasure. Why is this? Once again we are letting society dictate how we live are lives. To follow God's law is "old fashioned". Surely, He did not mean for us in 2011 to live abstinate lives. Times have changed, His rules need to bend to our will. My haven't we gotten to be a conceited generation! His rules are there to make our lives easier. Imagine if we all lived as Christ wanted us to live? There would be no more drama! Instead, we think we know better and now look at the disaster we have made of things down here on earth.


I'm just getting started so hang in there with me. I will be blogging every Tuesday so please check in with me. If you are reading my blog and agree with me or disagree with me I would love to hear from you. Post a comment or shoot me an email, let's get people talking!

Why not do it for God?

I often take great care in staying away from politics and religion on my blog, today I would like to stray from this philosophy. I am a Roman Catholic and I say this so you know where I am coming from in today's blog. Would you think me strange if I admitted that Holy Week is my favorite week of the year, liturgically speaking? I LOVE Holy Week. I look forward to Holy Thursday, Good Friday, the Easter Vigil on Saturday night, and don't forget Easter Sunday. When I was a child, my parents took me to every service during Holy Week. I would hope to develop a terrible allergy to the incense the church used at the services so I would not be forced to go anymore. I didn't understand why my best friend, (shout out Laura) a Methodist was not attending as many services at her church as I was attending at mine. I guess I tell you all of this so you can see how far I have come!
I am not sure I can put into words why I love this week so much. I guess the most obvious answer is the beauty and pageantry of the liturgies during Holy Week. I love the reminder of how much my Creator loves me. Do I love Him enough to sacrifice one of my daughters for Him? No way! While I struggle with Lenten sacrifices, Jesus never once said, "no" to what His Father asked of Him. When I try to imagine the anxiety, nerves, and pain that Christ endured for me, to give me life I feel so unworthy of His love. The season of Lent and the culmination of Holy Week are like a wake up call to me spiritually. It is my chance to check back in as they say. A reminder to make Him the center of my life and not the daily nonsense that seems to consume me.
Here I go and tie all of this into abstinence with a big, nice, bow. When I talk about my reasons for choosing abstinence until marriage, I am very frank that in the 9th grade my relationship with Christ was not so evolved that all of my decisions were made based on pleasing Him. No where close! In fact, God's role in my decision did not come into play until a couple of years after college. I do believe that He was pleased at my decision to wait regardless of my reasons. But for those of you out there trying to decide will you or won't you have sex here is a thought. God gave His only Son for you. Jesus hung on a cross for hours so that you may have life. The way I look at it, He is not asking for much in return, mainly he has the big 10 as I like to call them, the commandments. Ten simple rules really does not seem like much to do, seeing all that HE did for us. God created sex to be a way for a husband and wife to bond and procreate. Whatever you think sex is for other than that you are just plain wrong.
We reason with ourselves that times have changed and while that is true and our attitudes towards sex have become very casual that does not mean we are right. The problem with society today is that we think the Church needs to catch up and join us in modern times. It is not the Church's role to bend to the will of the people, we are to adhere to the will of the Church and of the teachings of Christ.
Lastly, if you are Catholic and have not attended Holy Week services in eons I encourage you to go and remember how awesome is our gift of faith. If you are not Catholic and have never attended the Holy Week liturgies, I invite you to go to a Catholic Church near you; all Christians can certainly benefit from the splendor of these Holy services.

Safe sex is NOT 100% safe!

In the paper about two weeks ago, there was a letter in the Annie's Mailbox section. The letter was written by a 22 year old girl from Staten Island. According to "Devastated on Staten Island", she dated Matt exclusively for six months. During their relationship, they practiced safe sex every time! Their product of choice was the condom. Matt dumped Devastated and she worked hard to overcome the break up. Just when she thought she was getting over Matt, she found out that she had an STD, an extra little something to make sure she never forgot him. Devastated was dumbfounded I mean they had practiced safe sex everytime. Did I mention that he was her first intimate relationship? One thing is for certain, Devastated was not Matt's first conquest.
I would like to say this again...The only 100% safe sex is no sex! Abstinence is the only way I can guarantee you a life free of STDs and unintended pregnancy. Condoms are not foolproof, and they tend to break or leak. Once more the condom does not protect you from oral sex. Any contact made with an infected area can lead to STDs. Abstinence is not just the not having intercourse but it includes all physical touching of the "private" area. Don't be like Devastated and learn this lesson the hard way. Do what I always recommend, learn from someone else's mistake. Now you know the truth!

Sexting

Don't say I didn't warn you. I have said that no good can come from sending or posting risque pictures of yourself and now there is hard evidence that, surprise surprise I was right! The down side to sexting is negative for both boys and girls. Here are two good reasons to stop sexting right away.

First we have the tragic story of Jessie Logan. Like many other teens Jessie sent a naked picture of herself to a boy she had been seeing for about 1 month. The young man was so crazy about her that he immediately sent the picture to four other girls representing at least 3 other high schools. The girls sent the picture out to everyone, and before Jessie knew it she was being mocked and bullied at school and online. Kids were calling her terrible names, and everywhere she went she was harrassed. "Jessie expressed regrets about taking and sending the photo, her mother said. She wanted to warn other kids. At Payne's suggestion, she did an anonymous television interview.
"My little girl wanted to get the message out to other children not to make the same mistake she did," Albert Logan said". How, do you ask did Jessie Logan deal with this constant abuse? She killed herself. One night while getting ready to go out, with her flat iron still warm she hung herself. She left no note, they know that she made 5 phone calls while getting dressed, walked out of the bathroom, passed her mother in the hallway without saying a word and that is the last time they saw her alive.
My question to all girls that engage in sexting or are thinking about participating is WHY? WHY in the world would you do this? There is nothing to gain by doing it. Do you think you will secure your life long love by sending nude photos of yourself to his cell phone? I saw a statistic that approximately 22% of female teens or 1 in 5 is already sexting. Let's reverse this trend and I show some respect for ourselves. A good rule of thumb, if it is a picture you would not want your mom, dad or grandmother to see then no one should see it.
Now the downside of sexting for boys; there is the young man who saw a girl for about two months in Wisconsin. She dumped him and started dating someone else, but not before she sent him 2 nude photos of herself. In a jealous rage, he sent the picture to all of her family members, including grandma, and to many of her friends. He is now a registered sex offender for distributing child pornography. He had to serve jail time and for the next 25 years every time he moves he will have to send a postcard to all of his neighbors letting them know of his sex offender status. I know she started it, right? After all, she sent the pictures. He was 14 months older than her, she was only 16 making her a child and he an adult. The exchanging of pornography over the Internet or a cell phone is a felony. Your age does not make you exempt from the laws of this land. A felony goes on your record and makes it hard to secure a future in a good college or even trying to land a job.
Sexting has serious consequences that will lead you down a road of many regrets. Listen up boys and girls stop sexting and keep your clothes on! Not listening to this sage advice will devastate you in the long run and I would have to work really hard to muster up any compassion for this stupid behavior!

May I bend your ear one more time?

If you would please allow me to one more time touch on the Bristol Palin topic. I am sure my readers must think I am beating a dead horse but I am not sure my point has been made and there is still more to say. Unfortunately for Bristol, she is the daughter of a very polarizing political figure, people either love Sarah or hate her and so on that opinion Bristol is being judged.
I have talked about "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" it is FICTION! What is happening in Bristol's life is REAL and it is the real crisis that many teens face today. What kills me are the people who are pleased, if not thrilled that she is going through this because it shows what a failure her mother and the abstinence movement are. Will there be people rejoicing if one day one of my daughters finds herself in this impossible situation? I choose abstinence until marriage because it is the path with the least negative consequences. Worse case scenario my daughter is dumped because she will not sleep with some guy. Please note, that while I will not promote safe sex I don't judge those who do.
On the other hand, those promoters of safe sex are over joyed at the life lesson Bristol is now having to endure. It is as if to say, "HA! Abstinence does not work, Sarah Palin's daughter failed and said it is not realistic" from the MSNBC website here is a quote, "Bristol and her beau have apparently called off their engagement, making the product of their special night of conservative 'value swapping' in the back of a Chevy — son Tripp — one helluva elephant in the GOP's cathedral of morality." Why in the world would you take what is happening to these two teens and make it political? Does the above statement help anyone? Would you say this about your own child as a Democrat or a republican? The adult decisions our teens are making today are having real life consequences regardless of political party. If this had been Chelsea Clinton in high school would we be saying, " See safe sex doesn't work"? You fools this is not about politics! This is about our kid's future! Here is an absolute truth, if you don't have sex you will NOT get pregnant. Abstinence is the only sex education that can say this with 100% certainty.
Incidentally I read an article this weekend that was discussing the break up of Levi and Bristol. Levi says he is just not mature enough to get married. Well then I would tell Levi if you are not mature enough to handle the consequences of sex then you should not be having it. The article had a statistic that only 8% of teenage marriages last. So much for true love at 16! For the rest of us, why not treat Bristol like we would want our own daughter to be treated, with moral support and not like shrapnel from some political fall out!