Living With No Regrets

The Fairy Tale Wedding

2011-04-28T15:45:00.005-05:00

I don't know if you are like me or not, but I think I have heard enough about the impending Royal Wedding. Sure I understand how people can get swept up in the excitement, but when you break it down, it is still just a wedding. There is a song I like from a very raunchy play, but I think one of the lines from that song definitely relates to the frenzy of what we are all witnessing. The line from the song is, "It's a fine fine line between a fairy tale and a lie". Millions watched as Princess Diana married Prince Charles. Everyone hung unto every detail of that wedding and maybe even wished it was them. Well, lets see how that fairy tale played out...It was a loveless marriage that ended in divorce. And well, Princess Di took on a lover, travelled with him to Paris, where she was in a car accident and died! No happily ever after there.

Now, we have a ROYAL WEDDING where the future King of England has been shacking up with the future princess. I am a huge fan of fairy tales, but I don't believe in any of them did the prince say, "Hey Cinderella, this is a demanding life I lead, why don't we live together and see if you are in it for the long haul" Be still my beating heart! I ask you parents, is this the dreams you have for your kids, don't you want more for them? Don't you know that there is more in store for them?

Tomorrow as the future King and his bride declare their vows, my husband and I will be celebrating 11 years of marriage. What I have been blessed with, is as close to a fairy tale as I think I can ever find. We had a BEAUTIFUL wedding (thanks Mom and Dad), we went on a 9 day honeymoon to St. John USVI. We returned to our house that was not ours until after we said I do. We built that house into a home and had 2 perfect baby girls. Later we bought a 2nd home big enough to accommodate the 4 of us and our 2 high maintenance dogs. But this fairy tale is real life, kids get sick, husbands get cranky, and dogs die. God promised us life and we make the best of what he gives us. He did not promise us all rosy days with no stress, disappointment or sadness.

I worry that tomorrow people will watch the Royal Wedding and will buy into the fairy tale and forget the reality. William and Kate will have immense pressures to deal with in their marriage, always under public scrutiny, constantly being second guessed. Marriage is hard enough when you are not royalty I cannot imagine the obstacles they will have to endure. I guess what I want people to understand is the sacredness of marriage and of love and never confusing that with, well, fairy tales!

Happy Anniversary, Chris!

Justin Bieber doesn't believe in loveless sex!

2011-02-22T16:42:00.007-06:00

I recently read an article in Rolling Stone about Justin Bieber. I have two daughters, my 5 year old has "Bieber Fever" and my 9 year old says, "he looks like a girl and sounds like a girl...she just doesn't get it". In any case, as a parent I usually take notice when there is a new icon on the scene. It seems no matter your opinion on the Bieber, he is hard to ignore, in fact he is EVERYWHERE!

I think it is great that Rolling Stone wanted to write an article about him. I was curious why they felt the need to ask him such heavy questions. Why should people know this teens stance on abortion? In fact he caught some flack for being against it. When asked about abstinence, he replied that he did not believe in loveless sex. Here is where I try to put it into perspective. On the one hand he is quite the teen idol and I am sure there are girls that would do anything to have intimate time with him. So kudos to the guy that doesn't believe in having sex with every groupie throwing themselves at him. On the other hand, we are not all pop stars, so while our pressures may not be as constant or intense, they are still there.

I am curious as to your thoughts on his idea of loveless sex versus loving sex. Especially in the context of teens having sex. You well know I have a thought on this and if you would permit me I would like a second to share my opinion. I don't relish in the idea of reminding you of how wise I have gotten in my older age, but I do have the benefit of perspective that many teens don't have yet. When I think about some of the guys in high school that I just knew I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I can now laugh at how silly I was. At 16, I had no idea what true love really it is. Oh, I thought I did, I mean I had seen "Sixteen Candles" and "Dirty Dancing" enough times to get the idea.

Now as a wife and mother of 2, I have a different idea of love. Don't get me wrong, my husband has a way of making me feel like Molly Ringwold being kissed over a birthday cake. But our love is deeper than that. I feel challenged to find ways each day to build my husband up, to make him a better person. It is not my job to point out his flaws and nag him endlessly. What can I do each day to make him feel loved and cherished. Knowing that there will be obstacles in his day, I don't want to be one of those. I want to be on the other side of one of the speed bumps that comes his way, offering my hand to help him to the other side.

No offense to teens everywhere, but when I was one, I was definitely more consumed with myself and my needs to have worried about others as I do now. One must ask then, what is sex to a teen? If it is a way to show love, then we know as teens this is a poor choice. We are not mature enough to handle emotionally the true ramifications of "making love". I guess my beef with the article is that while Justin Bieber understands the difference between sex and making love, I don't think he is mature enough to understand what it really means to make love. If you are doing "it" correctly it is not just an action that you brag about. It is the complete giving of yourself into the care of another. Where else can this be done as safely and lovingly than in the arms of your spouse. Not just someone in your chemistry class that you THINK you really love.

Long story short I don't believe in loveless sex either. But I also think you don't have a clue as to what love really is, until life stops being all about you. I know some of my teen followers are not going to like this blog, in fact you may be offended by it. I would love to hear from you, go ahead and convince me that I am wrong...this could be fun!

I'm Back!

2011-02-15T16:33:00.003-06:00

After an almost 2 year hiatus, I have decided to return to my blog. It is quite possible that it will go unread, but I cannot let that stop me. I have received countless signs that this is what I need to be doing so here goes nothing....again!

The last two weeks the Gospel readings have really been urging me in this direction. At mass, two weeks ago, Father spoke of Mother Teresa. She was but one person and look at all of the good she accomplished. He then pointed out that we, Catholics, are 65 million strong. What if each of us just did one thing to bring the light of Christ to others? I do believe that my talks and blogs are what God wants me to work on.

You might ask, "where have you been"? I would tell you that I have been very discouraged. No matter how many negative consequences there are when teens have sex, they seem to be all overlooked for a few minutes of pleasure. Why is this? Once again we are letting society dictate how we live are lives. To follow God's law is "old fashioned". Surely, He did not mean for us in 2011 to live abstinate lives. Times have changed, His rules need to bend to our will. My haven't we gotten to be a conceited generation! His rules are there to make our lives easier. Imagine if we all lived as Christ wanted us to live? There would be no more drama! Instead, we think we know better and now look at the disaster we have made of things down here on earth.

I'm just getting started so hang in there with me. I will be blogging every Tuesday so please check in with me. If you are reading my blog and agree with me or disagree with me I would love to hear from you. Post a comment or shoot me an email, let's get people talking!

Why not do it for God?

2009-04-08T19:01:00.003-05:00

I often take great care in staying away from politics and religion on my blog, today I would like to stray from this philosophy. I am a Roman Catholic and I say this so you know where I am coming from in today's blog. Would you think me strange if I admitted that Holy Week is my favorite week of the year, liturgically speaking? I LOVE Holy Week. I look forward to Holy Thursday, Good Friday, the Easter Vigil on Saturday night, and don't forget Easter Sunday. When I was a child, my parents took me to every service during Holy Week. I would hope to develop a terrible allergy to the incense the church used at the services so I would not be forced to go anymore. I didn't understand why my best friend, (shout out Laura) a Methodist was not attending as many services at her church as I was attending at mine. I guess I tell you all of this so you can see how far I have come!
I am not sure I can put into words why I love this week so much. I guess the most obvious answer is the beauty and pageantry of the liturgies during Holy Week. I love the reminder of how much my Creator loves me. Do I love Him enough to sacrifice one of my daughters for Him? No way! While I struggle with Lenten sacrifices, Jesus never once said, "no" to what His Father asked of Him. When I try to imagine the anxiety, nerves, and pain that Christ endured for me, to give me life I feel so unworthy of His love. The season of Lent and the culmination of Holy Week are like a wake up call to me spiritually. It is my chance to check back in as they say. A reminder to make Him the center of my life and not the daily nonsense that seems to consume me.
Here I go and tie all of this into abstinence with a big, nice, bow. When I talk about my reasons for choosing abstinence until marriage, I am very frank that in the 9th grade my relationship with Christ was not so evolved that all of my decisions were made based on pleasing Him. No where close! In fact, God's role in my decision did not come into play until a couple of years after college. I do believe that He was pleased at my decision to wait regardless of my reasons. But for those of you out there trying to decide will you or won't you have sex here is a thought. God gave His only Son for you. Jesus hung on a cross for hours so that you may have life. The way I look at it, He is not asking for much in return, mainly he has the big 10 as I like to call them, the commandments. Ten simple rules really does not seem like much to do, seeing all that HE did for us. God created sex to be a way for a husband and wife to bond and procreate. Whatever you think sex is for other than that you are just plain wrong.
We reason with ourselves that times have changed and while that is true and our attitudes towards sex have become very casual that does not mean we are right. The problem with society today is that we think the Church needs to catch up and join us in modern times. It is not the Church's role to bend to the will of the people, we are to adhere to the will of the Church and of the teachings of Christ.
Lastly, if you are Catholic and have not attended Holy Week services in eons I encourage you to go and remember how awesome is our gift of faith. If you are not Catholic and have never attended the Holy Week liturgies, I invite you to go to a Catholic Church near you; all Christians can certainly benefit from the splendor of these Holy services.

Safe sex is NOT 100% safe!

2009-03-31T17:09:00.000-05:00

In the paper about two weeks ago, there was a letter in the Annie's Mailbox section. The letter was written by a 22 year old girl from Staten Island. According to "Devastated on Staten Island", she dated Matt exclusively for six months. During their relationship, they practiced safe sex every time! Their product of choice was the condom. Matt dumped Devastated and she worked hard to overcome the break up. Just when she thought she was getting over Matt, she found out that she had an STD, an extra little something to make sure she never forgot him. Devastated was dumbfounded I mean they had practiced safe sex everytime. Did I mention that he was her first intimate relationship? One thing is for certain, Devastated was not Matt's first conquest.
I would like to say this again...The only 100% safe sex is no sex! Abstinence is the only way I can guarantee you a life free of STDs and unintended pregnancy. Condoms are not foolproof, and they tend to break or leak. Once more the condom does not protect you from oral sex. Any contact made with an infected area can lead to STDs. Abstinence is not just the not having intercourse but it includes all physical touching of the "private" area. Don't be like Devastated and learn this lesson the hard way. Do what I always recommend, learn from someone else's mistake. Now you know the truth!

Sexting

2009-03-23T19:46:00.001-05:00

Don't say I didn't warn you. I have said that no good can come from sending or posting risque pictures of yourself and now there is hard evidence that, surprise surprise I was right! The down side to sexting is negative for both boys and girls. Here are two good reasons to stop sexting right away.

First we have the tragic story of Jessie Logan. Like many other teens Jessie sent a naked picture of herself to a boy she had been seeing for about 1 month. The young man was so crazy about her that he immediately sent the picture to four other girls representing at least 3 other high schools. The girls sent the picture out to everyone, and before Jessie knew it she was being mocked and bullied at school and online. Kids were calling her terrible names, and everywhere she went she was harrassed. "Jessie expressed regrets about taking and sending the photo, her mother said. She wanted to warn other kids. At Payne's suggestion, she did an anonymous television interview.
"My little girl wanted to get the message out to other children not to make the same mistake she did," Albert Logan said". How, do you ask did Jessie Logan deal with this constant abuse? She killed herself. One night while getting ready to go out, with her flat iron still warm she hung herself. She left no note, they know that she made 5 phone calls while getting dressed, walked out of the bathroom, passed her mother in the hallway without saying a word and that is the last time they saw her alive.
My question to all girls that engage in sexting or are thinking about participating is WHY? WHY in the world would you do this? There is nothing to gain by doing it. Do you think you will secure your life long love by sending nude photos of yourself to his cell phone? I saw a statistic that approximately 22% of female teens or 1 in 5 is already sexting. Let's reverse this trend and I show some respect for ourselves. A good rule of thumb, if it is a picture you would not want your mom, dad or grandmother to see then no one should see it.
Now the downside of sexting for boys; there is the young man who saw a girl for about two months in Wisconsin. She dumped him and started dating someone else, but not before she sent him 2 nude photos of herself. In a jealous rage, he sent the picture to all of her family members, including grandma, and to many of her friends. He is now a registered sex offender for distributing child pornography. He had to serve jail time and for the next 25 years every time he moves he will have to send a postcard to all of his neighbors letting them know of his sex offender status. I know she started it, right? After all, she sent the pictures. He was 14 months older than her, she was only 16 making her a child and he an adult. The exchanging of pornography over the Internet or a cell phone is a felony. Your age does not make you exempt from the laws of this land. A felony goes on your record and makes it hard to secure a future in a good college or even trying to land a job.
Sexting has serious consequences that will lead you down a road of many regrets. Listen up boys and girls stop sexting and keep your clothes on! Not listening to this sage advice will devastate you in the long run and I would have to work really hard to muster up any compassion for this stupid behavior!

May I bend your ear one more time?

2009-03-16T10:58:00.002-05:00

If you would please allow me to one more time touch on the Bristol Palin topic. I am sure my readers must think I am beating a dead horse but I am not sure my point has been made and there is still more to say. Unfortunately for Bristol, she is the daughter of a very polarizing political figure, people either love Sarah or hate her and so on that opinion Bristol is being judged.
I have talked about "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" it is FICTION! What is happening in Bristol's life is REAL and it is the real crisis that many teens face today. What kills me are the people who are pleased, if not thrilled that she is going through this because it shows what a failure her mother and the abstinence movement are. Will there be people rejoicing if one day one of my daughters finds herself in this impossible situation? I choose abstinence until marriage because it is the path with the least negative consequences. Worse case scenario my daughter is dumped because she will not sleep with some guy. Please note, that while I will not promote safe sex I don't judge those who do.
On the other hand, those promoters of safe sex are over joyed at the life lesson Bristol is now having to endure. It is as if to say, "HA! Abstinence does not work, Sarah Palin's daughter failed and said it is not realistic" from the MSNBC website here is a quote, "Bristol and her beau have apparently called off their engagement, making the product of their special night of conservative 'value swapping' in the back of a Chevy — son Tripp — one helluva elephant in the GOP's cathedral of morality." Why in the world would you take what is happening to these two teens and make it political? Does the above statement help anyone? Would you say this about your own child as a Democrat or a republican? The adult decisions our teens are making today are having real life consequences regardless of political party. If this had been Chelsea Clinton in high school would we be saying, " See safe sex doesn't work"? You fools this is not about politics! This is about our kid's future! Here is an absolute truth, if you don't have sex you will NOT get pregnant. Abstinence is the only sex education that can say this with 100% certainty.
Incidentally I read an article this weekend that was discussing the break up of Levi and Bristol. Levi says he is just not mature enough to get married. Well then I would tell Levi if you are not mature enough to handle the consequences of sex then you should not be having it. The article had a statistic that only 8% of teenage marriages last. So much for true love at 16! For the rest of us, why not treat Bristol like we would want our own daughter to be treated, with moral support and not like shrapnel from some political fall out!

what happened with the baby daddy?

2009-03-12T18:46:00.003-05:00

Well here is a shocker...Bristol Palin and her fiance' have broken up! It would seem that Levi and Bristol did not in fact have true love for one another. When I first blogged about Bristol's predicament back in the fall of 2008, I said that she was unfortunately the rule and not the exception among today's teens. Hearing the news today, that she and Levi are separated only reiterates my point. Teens think they have found true love, make grown up decisions with grown up consequences and think the rest of their life will be a fairy tale.
The truth is I can only think of two of my friends that married their high school sweethearts, and I think they even broke up for a while in college. I know when you are young and in love you think you have found everything you are searching for, I know this because I used to think the same thing. Now I look at all of my high school crushes and wipe my hand across my brow and say whew, am I lucky I didn't go down that road! But in my teens, while I was doodling their name and seeing how my first name looked with their last name I doubt you could have convinced me we were not meant to be. Ah my good old friend hind sight!
Unfortunately every day we have teens who think they have discovered their soul mate, and they engage in sex thinking this will bring them closer to one another, when really it can just tear them apart. Just think what may have happened if Bristol and Levi had not had sex. Maybe they would have dated throughout the rest of high school and college, gotten a job married, and even bought a house. And maybe a few years later they would have started the family they always dreamed about. OR maybe they would have dated the remainder of high school, gone off to college and discovered there are a whole lot of other fish in the sea, parted ways and have fond memories of their high school sweetheart.
Now, because they did choose to express their love in a physical manner they are forever tied to one another. Probably Levi will start dating first because he is not actually living with their son. He does not have the day to day responsibilities that Bristol does. Actually all he is required to do by law is provide financially for his son. So does he bring his dates over to meet his son? How does Bristol handle other women down the road being involved in her son's life. Do you think either of them thought about any of this before they decided to have sex? Isn't their situation, which is unfortunately typical of teens today, enough for you to say no to sex outside of marriage? Don't be left wondering one day, what happened to my baby daddy or my baby mama.
I know you think you are in love. And if it is the real, til death do you part kind of love then sex can wait until you say I do!

dating and sex.

2009-03-08T16:59:00.005-05:00

There is a new show on MTV called "Sex with Mom and Dad". I have now watched three episodes in an attempt to blog about it and I still don't have a handle on what I want to say. However the last episode I watched was about a 20 year old man who had not had sex in two years, because of his smothering mother. What bothered me the most was his equating sex with dating. Since when did the two become one? Can't you have one without the other, or is that the problem?

In my dating history, I never equated the two. This is a concept that leaves me a little stunned and I hope it does not make me naive. I can understand that a physical relationship develops when dating someone, we call that natural. I also know that people have sex without the relationship, we call this a one night stand, or another name is tragic. But here is a 20 year old who cannot date, because he cannot have sex. How in the world does one learn how to have a meaningful, mature relationship without dating? As I have said before, a relationship built on the physical bond and not the emotional bond has a weak foundation and will not last. If this guy's only goal in dating is to get sex, then maybe his mom was right, maybe he is still too emotionally immature.

When I talk about abstinence I proclaim the virtue of how it keeps you safe both physically and emotionally. Maybe it is time to define what you want out of dating. You know you don't want to be crushed by a broken heart and you know you do not want to be strapped with an STD for the rest of your life. Use this as a guideline to decide what you do want out of your dating history. And frankly, it will be a history. Not many people get the opportunity to marry their first love and many of us will tell you that is a good thing.

I went through a lot of my old college photos this weekend and scanned them onto my computer. I had pictures of boys that I had one date with and I had pictures of guys I dated for a while. You know what I didn't have? Regrets. Each guy is now part of my dating history. That history helped me decided what I wanted in a partner for the rest of my life. I knew what I wanted in my spouse and I knew what I didn't want. Beyond a very few bad dates, mostly I have happy memories. Each one of these guys I can greet with a smile and a quick introduction to my cute husband. And my cute husband can shake their hands and look them in the eye and know that he is the only one who has ever or will ever have all of me. Now that is a bond built on a solid foundation. Stop confusing dating with sex, you can have one without the other!

The bachelor!

2009-03-03T17:48:00.005-06:00

I am currently working on two other blog ideas, but they are just not yet ready, so why not talk about The Bachelor. I have admitted on several different occasions that I love trashy TV, hence The Bachelor. That is my disclaimer, because now I am going to have to talk bad about a show that is a guilty pleasure of mine; I wouldn't want anyone to call me a hypocrite.
Like millions of others, I tuned in last night to see which girl Jason would choose, Melissa or Molly. I really didn't care, because I am still upset that he let Gillian go! The more I think about it, this show is quite the "how to" manual in dating. Things I have learned about dating from watching the Bachelor. One: the girls that act slutty do not get picked. Two: the girls that play hard to get and appear innocent and above the fray of the show seem to get the curiosity of the suitor. Three: You should never date a guy while he is dating 25 other beautiful girls. Four: when on a TV show fighting for one man, you may lose all sense of reality and forget that the Bachelor is not the last man on earth. What you are feeling for him is not love but a contrived feeling of "love' that is really a competitve feeling to win. Lastly the more physically you get involved the farther you will fall when he dumps you.
Yes, slutty girls may get male attention, but not the kind you want. Acting loose to get a guy to notice you is selling him a false bill of goods if that is not how you want yourself to be perceived. Now if you do want that kind of label and it is working for you then more power to you, but I worry you may be wasting your time reading this blog. I admit I have never known any girl that wanted the label of whore and yet I know many that act like one sometimes thinking the end results will be worth it. I'm just saying...I am afraid a lot of that misinterpretation goes around, and yet we act surprised that we feel used and abused. How can we call a guy a cad when all he did is show us with the same amount of respect we show ourselves?
While life may not be a reality TV show, there are times we may develop a crush and forget that any other person of the opposite sex is alive. We then do terrible desperate things to get them to notice us. Stop and ask yourself, is he or she worth it? Am I making them into something they are not? Good example of this, there was this guy in college that I thought was AWESOME. I watched him from a far for months before I strategically put into action my plans. We met one night "accidentally", but truth be told I had carefully orchestrated the whole event. The night exceeded my expectations we danced until the bar closed. We went to Krispy Kreme and ate donuts until 4am. The next day I was so excited to see him. After dinner with a friend I ran to his fraternity house to see what was on the agenda for the night, and I found him hot and heavy with another girl. For months as I had stalked this good looking boy, I had created some kind of character in my head and found out that he was no where near the man I thought he was, he was a pretty big tool. Not long after that he knocked up some girl, and I wasn't even sad. For two reasons: I had not given him a piece of myself. Had I been intimate with him I would think I would never be able to get that part of me back. Secondly in hind sight after really getting to know his true character I knew that he wasn't worthy of me! Boy this has come a long way from Jason and Melissa I mean Molly.
Back on task, last night Jason chose Melissa proposed to her and spent some "quality" time with her for about 6 weeks. It turns out that when the cameras were off and ABC wasn't sending the two of them on incredible once in a lifeitme dream dates, the chemistry was no longer there for him. I hate to speculate but I am assuming Melissa shared herself with him, which made it even more tragic when he dumped her on national television and said, "I made a mistake I meant Molly"! I think the break up would sting either way, but maybe the pain would not be as deep if she had said no to the sex, not unitl we are married. AH another lesson learned!

We are in heat!

2009-02-25T17:38:00.006-06:00

Recently our puppy, Penny has come into heat. This is a whole new experience for me! My husband encouraged me not to get the dog fixed so our girls could have the joy of puppies. Against my better judgement I went along with his plan and now our little girl has become a woman. We have the perfect male for her to date in six months and if all goes according to my husband's scheme we will have puppies for Christmas.

All of this has really taken me aback, my sweet dog keeps trying to eat through our fence to get to potential suitors. Random dogs hang around our house trying to get a glimpse of that girl emitting pheromones. And when we try to take Penny for a casual evening stroll it has turned into something resembling a roller derby trying to keep her virtue intact. It reminded me that often I hear from teens I talk to, "I just don't know if I have the self-control to stop". Heads up! We are thinking, rational beings, not animals! My poor dog has an excuse, this same excuse will not fly with me when my girls enter their teen years.

If Penny goes behind my back and gets knocked up, that becomes my problem. She is not a girl that will have to really be concerned with the consequences of her actions. I on the other hand would have to figure out how to sell the by products of her poor choice in men! So yes, we have hormones and we have physical desires, but God gave us the ability to think and rationalize our decisions. He also gave us free will. Now you have a choice you can go out there and act like a dog and actually suffer the consequences. Or you can put on the brakes when things start to heat up with your girlfriend/ boyfriend and act like the rational human being I know you to be!

Bristol Palin has a regret

2009-02-18T17:59:00.005-06:00

Months ago when the news broke that Bristol Palin was pregnant I did a blog on it. I am not going to rehash that tonight. Instead I will tell other teens to learn from her. If You have ever heard me speak on the topic of abstinence then you know that many times my choice to not have sex often came from my observing the consequences of others who chose to have sex. How many times have we said, "If I knew then what I know now I would never have done it that way". As they say hind sight is 20/20. But how much easier when we can look at the experiences of others and have no need for hind sight.
Bristol Palin looking very young, and tired said that she loves her son, but she wishes it had happened 10 years down the road. As things stand now, she is 17, with a 2 month old baby, living at home and trying to find a way to attend college and be a mom. She pointed out that if she had waited until she was 27, she could have been educated, employed, married and a homeowner. This situation she finds herself in is not ideal, but it is the result of her choosing to have sex as a teen.
When you choose to have sex outside the boundaries of marriage, the consequences that arise are very complicated. Last summer, all Bristol was thinking about was her upcoming senior year and where she would apply to college. When she discovered she was pregnant, she said that she was sick with the fear of having to tell her parents the news. In fact she was so scared she couldn't get the words out her friend had to tell them. When asked how they responded, she said that she was so upset that she hardly remembers anything they said.
When deciding whether or not you want to engage in sex outside of marriage, I beg you to look at all of the possible outcomes of your decision. When I tell you the negative consequences way outnumber anything you can come up with as a good consequence then you should use your noggin and just say no!
I don't want to hear excuses about hormones or losing self control, because that is just it...an excuse. Who do you want to be held accountable to? Yourself? Your parents? God? The child you may conceive? What is it going to take to make you understand that you and your future are worth far more than the few minutes of physical pleasure you are searching for. You know that you have the self control to holster your hormones so as to not make a life altering decision. How do you know it is life altering when you haven't even done the deed yet? That's easy just ask Bristol Palin how much her life has changed. Why repeat the same mistake others have made. Learn from them and take the easy way out say no to sex outside of marriage and enjoy the journey to your exceptional future!

Dad at 13!

2009-02-16T12:17:00.004-06:00

Late last week I came across an article about a boy who fathered a child with his girlfriend. The baby was born and the story mainly revolved around the 13 year old father and 15 year old mother. I decided to blog on the story because of one line in the article. The line that stood out to me said that this was a first sexual experience for both of them that ended up in the conceiving of this little baby girl, Maisie.
One of the key reasons I think teens are having sex today without the fear of consequences is because they truly believe they are immune to them. Somehow they don't need to worry about getting pregnant or an STD because that happens to someone else. I remember what it was like to believe I was invincible as a teen. More than anything I desperately wanted a jeep! It was all I could talk about, it never happened, my parents had what we now recognize as common sense. But back to the jeep, I remember one day a man opening up to me about a friend of his that had suffered major brain trauma from an accident in their jeep. Their friend's bright future was gone in an instant. I can remember muttering my sorrow for them, but in the next breath saying, "but that was them it could never happen to me". How egotistical we are in our teens, the absolute belief in our own immortality. Back to the article, this boy Alfie and his girlfriend Chantelle were just messing around, exploring each other and now they have a baby. I don't know what they were thinking, but I do know they were obviously not worried about what could happen as a result of their little bedroom adventure.
Since I first read the article last week, there have been two updates added. First their was the news that they now had the baby at home. The second update was that several boys had come forward demanding a DNA test; they believe that the child could belong to any one of them. According to these boys Chantelle has had a bit of a revolving door on her bedroom. If it is true that she has been having reckless sex with countless partners, then one wonders what she was doing and why? Was she intentionally trying to get pregnant? Was she looking for love in all the wrong places? At only 15 I can't help but feel she was the predator with this 12 year old boy. That's right I said 12. He was 12 when they conceived the child.
To the parents who read my blog, stop thinking like your kids. I realize that this sensationalized story took place half way across the world in England, but what is to prevent it from happening in our very own home? Teens should not be allowed to date until they are 16. Teens of the opposite sex should not be in a home unsupervised. We should be openly talking to our kids every opportunity we get so as to avoid catastrophic consequences. And make no bones about it I do think Alfie and Chantelle's story is catastrophic for the innocent baby they had and are now determined to raise on their own. What chance of success does Maisie have when her daddy is playing video games, that is after he finishes his homework.
This story makes me sad, because I know that Alfie and Chantelle are not the odd ones out. They are just like many other 13 year olds sure that they are ready and mature enough to handle sex. I just wonder what we are going to do about it? I am including the link to the story at the end of the blog today. One of the reasons this story got so much attention is due to the picture of Alfie. He has a baby face and he is small in stature. I say 13 is 13 whether they look 8 or 18, it is time to be outraged about kids having to grow up too fast and if the image of Alfie does not light a fire in your belly then nothing will. http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2238252.ece

Spread the word

2009-02-12T14:59:00.003-06:00

In the last 2 months I have had the opportunity to do one of my most favorite things. I love giving talks about abstinence. Typically after a talk, I receive a handful of emails. I love hearing from the teens that were in the audience. One of the emails I received, was from a girl who thanked me for coming to talk to her class. She went on to say that she never thought sex was a big deal and was sure that she would have been active before long, that is until she heard me talk. Now she is excited and wants to wait until she is married. So her email got me thinking...who knows why I started this crazy journey, that does not really matter. But if no one else heard me that day, but that one girl and she can now convince just one other person that abstinence is the best way then maybe the domino effect will take place.
I sit in my office a few times a week and write this blog. The best part of blogging so far has been tracking my readers. Google offers the greatest tool which allows me to see how many people read my blog each day and where they are from (insert shout out to England here). This month alone I have had readers in Turkey, Malta, India, Portugal, Australia, England and of course the good old US of A. Over 19 states have been logging on this month alone! What if everyone who read my blog forwarded the link to just one other person? On this blog, we constantly talk about the up hill struggle we face changing society's view of sex. Why wait for someone else to do it? Why not us? Why not now?
There are so many naysayers who tell me that they like that I do this, but I should give it up. There is no way I can turn the way society views sex. Maybe not, but I can sure try to change a few individuals and so on and so on. Not to mention I am not in this battle alone. I did not invent the concept of abstinence I just happen to really believe it makes life less complicated. So I have decided to press on full steam ahead. Now who wants to get on board? Do your part spread the word!

Unprotected sex on the rise

2009-02-09T14:54:00.003-06:00

It hardly makes sense knowing everything we know, that unprotected sex is on the rise. The advocates for safe sex point the finger at the advocates for abstinence. They say, "see, abstinence does not work". Huge misnomer since we know that no one has ever gotten an STD or pregnant while practicing abstinence. I saw a report that said approximately 65 million Americans are living with STDs and the numbers are trending up.
I am not an advocate for safe sex for several reasons, one being that a condom has never protected someone from a broken heart. Secondly there is no form of protection out there that is 100% effective. So where does the ignorance come from that induces people to have unprotected sex in this day and age. I think that when people hear the statistics about STDs they think they are not in that demographic. Only dirty, trashy, poor people get STDs. There seems to be a misconception on who is passing these viruses and bacteria around. STDs are not thinking organisms. They are not going to stop to ask how much does your daddy make and what does he do for living, before deciding to infect you or not.
For every sexual partner you sleep with, you are not just sleeping with that one person. Their sexual history becomes your sexual history, so if they have had 6 partners so have you. People especially women tend to lie about the number of partners they have had. You cannot rely on some one's word when deciding to have sex or not. I bring this up today to say that we need to encourage one another to say no to sex outside of marriage. These numbers will continue to rise until we do something about them. We can reverse this trend by not being afraid to talk about it. There are many teens out there who just think that none of the negative consequences of sex outside of marriage can happen to them. It is up to you to help them understand that if they choose to have sex, they too will be a number/statistic before long. It's not like you get to choose the consequence either, will you get pregnant? Will you get a bacteria that can be cleaned up with an antibiotic, or will you get a virus with no cure like Herpes or HIV?
The downside to abstinence is maybe you get dumped. Boo hoo! If he or she is going to dump you for not having sex then they were not worth your time in the first place. The bright side is you can look forward to a future healthy relationship. A physically fulfilling marriage where neither of you ever has to worry about STDs.

Happy Birthday Caroline!

2009-02-04T16:12:00.004-06:00

Today my oldest is 7! I can hardly believe it. The crazy insane part is I feel like I am still a newly wed, so how is it I have a 7 year old kid? I had my reasons for remaining abstinent until marriage, but I did not realize all of the other perks that would come along with it. After I dropped Caroline off at school today, it hit me. That little girl came into this world healthy as a horse! At no point did I have to worry about what STD I was passing on to her. Never does she meet an old boyfriend of mine and have to worry if that nice man saw her mommy naked!
I know I am being flippant, but I just can't help but feel how lucky I am! Chris and I will celebrate our 9 year wedding anniversary and for the life of me I don't see how that is possible. I love going on dates with him. I love having family nights, playing wii, making pizza, renting movies. Part of me thinks that this wonder stays with me because I wasn't busy playing house before I got married.
I have never said that God was the reason behind my abstinence decision; I wasn't mature enough in my relationship with Him to do that. But I can't help but think He was pleased with my decision, because from the moment I met my husband the blessings have been abundant. In hind sight, knowing what I know now, not only would I not change anything, but I may have even been more determined. So today as we celebrate this precious little girl my prayer for her is that she will have the wisdom needed when facing adult decisions in her teens and that God will bless her with the same happiness that I have to come to know.

Stolen Youth

2009-02-02T17:47:00.003-06:00

I would like to report a crime. The innocence of today's youth is being stolen right in front of my very eyes. Of course this is not a new revelation but it struck me again how swiftly this is being done. Thursday night hubby and I went on a movie date. On the drive home, I heard some old school Madonna. The song was "Holiday". No, this is not the song that set me off to report this crime. But it was the song that started my thoughts a churning. That particular tape also had the song "Material Girl". The song was released in 1985. I was in the 7th grade and I thought the song was about a girl who did not need the material things in life. I guess I missed the whole point of the song. But I do remember how beautiful she looked in the pink dress as she sang in a very Marilyn Monroe style in the music video. I don't tell you all of this to show how ignorant I was. I tell you this to show you how innocent I was.
Society is forcing our kids to grow up and we are just watching it happen. We shrug our shoulders and say, "Well what are you going to do about it? It's just the way things are." Is it fair that kids in Jr high are expected to act like kids in high school? And then what of the kids in high school that are behaving as if they are in college? I understand the challenges we face as parents. But I would rather face those challenges, than have my daughter have to bear them. Because kids are making adult decisions in jr high and high school the obstacles to living a carefree tween/teen years are becoming insurmountable.
On a Friday night in high school, I would typically go to a football game and then out to eat with my girlfriends. Often on a Sat night, my mom and dad would let me have countless friends over( boys and girls) to watch movies and visit. My parents gave me an alternative to what else was out there for me. I know I was missing the keg parties and endless opportunities of having really bad sex, but I never felt like I was missing out. Maturity wise, I wasn't there yet. Because in my house I was allowed to be 15 or 16, in fact I was encouraged to embrace my age and to live it to the fullest.
This Wednesday, my Caroline is turning 7. It is all she has talked about since November. I told her this morning that, while I am not okay that she is turning 7 she has to promise to love being 7 and she may not even turn her thoughts to 8 until next January. She promised. I don't have the answers and I wish I did. But I know that I am focusing on my children embracing their age acting their age and waiting to grow up. The saying "good things come to those who wait" is true. If I can convince my kids to wait for the grown up experiences for when they are truly grown ups I think I just might win this war with society. I have not nor do I plan on surrendering the childhood of my precious girls. I will fight for mine will you fight for yours?

Man of LaMancha

2009-01-28T13:45:00.003-06:00

While my blog is entitled "Living with No Regrets" it is true that I have one. I am making myself vulnerable and open to criticism so please do not mock me when I admit my one true regret. If I had followed my true calling I would maybe not be promoting the merits of abstinence today, instead you would find me on a stage in New York belting out the latest Broadway role. It is my regret that I never even attempted to do this secret desire. Maybe I am needed in this arena of abstinence and luckily I love being a part of it. All of this intro to today's blog, is simply to set up my topic for today.
A couple of weeks ago on a Sat morning I happened to see that the movie, "Man of LaMancha" was on TV. I first saw this movie about 15 years ago with my father. He said it was one of his favorites, I figured Raquel Welch had a lot to do with it as well. A quick summary of the play is this: A noble knight, Don Quixote, is on a quest to bring compassion to all. This fine man does not realize that chivalry has died. He meets Aldonza the whore, but calls her instead, Dulcinea, the fair lady. Now Aldonza acts like a whore because that is how she sees herself. In the end, as Don Quixote is dying she sits by his bed and finally sees herself through his eyes and changes her name to Dulcinea. It gives me chills every time. ( I know nerd alert)
As I watched this very familiar scene play out on my TV, it struck me that it really is current in it's message. No, this play was not written last year, but how timeless is the concept. It takes just a minute on a myspace page to see which girls see themselves as Aldonza. They are the ones advertising on their page through their pictures what they can do for you. I wonder what makes someone think so little of themselves. This is a theme that repeatedly appears in my blogs. Why do some people think the only value that have to give is that which they can offer flat on their back? There is no love of oneself or respect of oneself in a person who can't stand who they are? And while many hide their true feelings behind big smiles, there is a great sadness the smile tries to conceal.
Secondly where are the Don Quixote's of today? I know that I married one, but I don't believe chivalry has died. If you are one of my male readers, then surly you have met your fair share of Aldonzas, but hopefully you have met some Dulcinea's as well. Have you ever tried to help an Aldonza see herself as anything more? Who would you rather be, the noble knight or the one that takes advantage of the girl with no self respect. With chivalry, compassion and respect Don Quixote convinces Dulcinea to live a moral life where she can love herself. If in the end, you are looking for a life long mate, your marriage will be certain to fail if you marry someone who does not have love and respect for her/himself. As you go on your quest to find someone to spend your life with, what are you leaving in your wake? Is there a path of destruction where you are tearing others down, or have you left a path of compassion where you have built others up and given them something to believe in? "To Dream the Impossible Dream", just maybe its not that impossible when the answer is so obvious and lies inside each of us.
In closing I am leaving you the words to Aldonza's song. See the hate she has for herself and see the beauty he knows lies within. Go forth Noble warriors and bring self respect to everyone you meet!
http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/manoflamanchadonquixote/aldonza.htm

Natlie Dylan Selling her virginity

2009-01-26T13:35:00.003-06:00

I am sure you have been waiting to hear what I have to say about the 22 year old California college grad, who is selling her virginity. Reportedly "Natalie Dylan" (not her real name) has decided to sell her virginity to the highest bidder in a Nevada bordello to pay off her grad school fees. Truth be told, this story did not outrage me, it simply made me feel sad.
With the youth today having sex younger and younger, I guess you could say for her to graduate from college with her virginity intact no small feat. I wonder then, what was she saving it for in the first place? At some point she had to think of her virtue as something of value, and I don't mean a monetary one. I also wonder if she is worried she will not make a decent living in the field in which she has decided to get her graduate degree. Most people who go on to graduate studies expect to repay their loan based on the salary they will make once they have completed their program. Why would she sell her virginity to relieve herself of this debt? And the next time she is in debt, what will she sell then?
This only goes to prove my point that society has devalued sex. When I was researching this story, the article said, "Natalie is a virgin and would like to sell this priceless and rare commodity in a very exclusive and private setting," I agree that what she is attempting to sell is rare and priceless, but 1 minute after the deed is done, her virginity is gone forever. There is NO value left and all she has become is a high priced hooker. The idea of calling her virginity a "commodity" says that it is an object and speaks nothing of her as a human being, or someone containing any semblance of character and integrity.
I try to imagine this Natalie, by herself an hour after the money has been left on the night stand. At first she is jubilant, she has made enough money and then some. Probably more money than some people will see in a lifetime. And then I picture her crying jagged heart wrenching sobs, because she realizes she just sold herself. She has taken her worth and traded it for a debt free life. How will she find a way to respect herself after this? What is her self esteem now, if everything she thought she was worth she sold one night never to get back?
When you abstain from sex until marriage, you first realize that you have so much more to offer than your body. You are offering to your spouse a best friend, a confidant, and yes even a lover bonded in your trust and respect for one another. Sex is not an object, rather and act of love and intimacy shared between a husband and wife. I think about Natalie and wonder what she sees when she looks in the mirror? Is all that she has to offer is what she can do flat on her back? How does she imagine this night playing out. There is nothing in this act that resemble the art of making love. This is not going to be some big romantic night. It is going to be the guy who could write the biggest check: fat, bald and sweating on her. ICK! But no one mentions that part in the article. It is all about the bordello using this girl for their own agenda, and the girl who is going to pay off her debt. We are quickly becoming a society without a conscience and there is going to be hell to pay! My prayer for Natalie, is that she finds herself worthy of everything life has to offer without having to sell herself to achieve it. My other prayer is that young women everywhere see how sad and pitiful Natalie is, and feel sorry for her and choose not to follow her.

If you give away the milk for free...

2009-01-22T18:02:00.003-06:00

This morning while driving carpool, the song "All the Single Ladies" by Beyonce Knowles came on the radio. If you haven't heard it let me assure you it is a catchy little tune. Today some of the lyrics started to sink in so I came home and googled the entire song's lyrics. Just as I suspected she was indeed singing what I thought she was singing: "If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it".
A quick scan of the lyrics is all it takes to get a quick overview of the tale being spun. Apparently she dated/slept with the guy for 3 years, he never proposed, she left him, he sees her at a club rubbing up on someone else and he gets jealous. Her reply is "Pull me into your arms say I'm the one you own. If you don't you'll be alone and like a ghost I'll be gone." I am just wondering what this does for the feminist movement...but I digress.
My mom always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?' This is so true. If you build a relationship on the physical foundation of sex it is like building a house on a bed of sand...it will crumble. I hear the saying, "it's the 3rd/ 4th date..the sex date". How can you possibly know enough about someone after 3 short dates to decide that he or she is worthy of the most intimate part of yourself you have to give? What are you saying about yourself when the only thing you have to offer someone is what is in between your legs? Is that all you are? Is that all you want to be? I should hope you think more of yourself.
I dated my husband for 9 months. He proposed and we were engaged for another 9 months. We had 18 months of really getting to know each other. After getting married, we went on a 9 day honeymoon to St John, where our relationship that had been constructed on a foundation of trust, and friendship finally reached the physical level. I woke up on the second day of my honeymoon and never had a moments regret or doubt. I knew he would call again, I knew he loved me. I was the luckiest girl in the world. And guess what...I still am!

Thanks W!

2009-01-20T16:40:00.005-06:00

I promised myself that I would keep the focus of my blogs on abstinence and away from politics. However, I would be remiss if I did not thank George Walker Bush for everything he has done for the abstinence movement. This morning as I watched the coverage on the inauguration, I swore I would not blog on it. But here I sit and I have decided that I will write about this today or nothing at all.

Eight years ago, I believe it was the day after President Bush was inaugurated, he proposed legislation preserving the rights of the unborn. I remember being giddy that he had acted so swiftly. Not long after that, he set aside money for those working in the abstinence movement. I did not apply for any of those grants so shame on me. With President Bush in the white house, I felt I had an ally in the abstinence movement. Even more importantly those with no voice were given one.

Whether or not you were a fan of President Bush, I don't think anyone could call into question his character. He was not ashamed to seek counsel from his Almighty God. And every time he asked God to Bless America he said it with such conviction. This alone was more than enough for me.

We can be sure that soon, congress will readdress the issue of the FOCA. This is a move congress did not dare to do with President Bush in office. He would not hesitate to turn away such horrid legislation that would undo the rights of the unborn that he had worked so hard to attain. Under President Obama, I am not ready to surrender this fight. I will pray for him to have a change of heart on the precious value of the unborn life. I along with millions of others will give a voice to those who cannot yet speak for themselves. President Obama has already called for an increase in funding for safe sex education. I still hold onto hope that he will leave some money on the table for those involved in the abstinence movement.

No, saying thanks to George W. Bush is not a popular move on my part. Today as he leaves office with dignity, while others continue to try to rob it for him, I cannot let him depart without my heartfelt thanks and gratitude.

Love at the Movies

2009-01-19T15:16:00.004-06:00

Saturday night my husband and I decided to take the kids to the movies. They LOVE going to the movie theater. We bought our tickets online spent a small fortune on popcorn and sprite and then entered the theater. "Hotel for Dogs" was being shown in one of the smaller theaters so we had to search for 4 perfect seats. I thought I saw 4 seat together dead center of the top row, I told my six year old to lead the way. As we are climbing the steps to the top, I notice that right next to the supposed 4 seats were two kids. I saw them gaze into each others eyes and then proceed to make out.
I processed the situation very quickly. Before Caroline even noticed the prepubescent lovers, I redirected her to 4 seats near the front of the theater. Once we got settled in our seats, I thought about Romeo and Juliet sitting on the top row. I took a moment to really determine their age. I would guess 6th grade; maybe you could push it and say 7th. Perhaps it was divine intervention (for them and my kids) that the seats next to the love birds were not empty. I can only imagine how long I would have held my tongue before I started in on the two of them. What I really wondered was where were their parents? Obviously they had been dropped off. How could the parents have thought this was a good idea. The way those two were going at it, makes me understand why kids are sexually active at a younger age. Seeing that much action at 12, what is left to do at 14 but go all the way.
The young mind takes a long time to develop, most studies indicate it is around age 22. While our children don't want us meddling in their social lives, we must protect them from behaving in a risky manner. Once those hormones kick in, they certainly cannot be responsible for themselves. They may hate us and think we are too strict. I for one am very thankful for my strict parents, protecting me from myself. The more I thought about the situation over the weekend I realized the blame that must lay at the parent's feet. We cannot be held accountable for the actions are kids make, but we are accountable if we place them in precarious situations. We should not condone dating in the 3rd grade. You don't go out and buy your child's girlfriend/boyfriend a Christmas present in the 4th grade. Society is already forcing our children to grow up way too fast, so why would we enable this process? Remember we are the parents not the best friend. There will be plenty of time to be friends with our kids...after they grow up!

Remember to recommit to abstinence

2009-01-15T17:46:00.003-06:00

Last week I had the privilege of addressing an 8th grade class. Over the weekend, one of the students emailed me that she had decided to remain abstinent until she is married. She even gave me her reasoning behind her decision. I reminded her that she was just at the beginning of a very long road and if she was ever questioning her decision, or felt like she was the only one to make that choice to feel free to contact me. It is not enough to say in the 8th grade that you will wait until you are married and then think that is the end of it.
Choosing abstinence must be done time and time again. As you mature, your reasons for abstaining will change. It is your job to remember to recommit to your decision. I have heard all about: purity rings, signing abstinence pledges, there are even dances where you wear a big beautiful gown and promise your daddy you will wait until you are married. None of these ideas will work if you think it is a one time decision. I have heard the other side tear each of these ideas apart. Honestly some of them make me raise an eyebrow as well. But if putting on a gown and going to a dance with your father is the motivation you need to save yourself from regretful decisions later, then by all means buy the dress! Just know that attending this dance may not hold the same meaning for you a few years down the road.
My reasons for abstaining in high school were not the same reasons in college. The same goes for the years following college until I married my wonderful husband. The only thing that did not change was my commitment to abstinence, and now I can look back on the decision and say with all certainty that I have no regrets about it.

What are you saying about yourself?

2009-01-14T16:07:00.004-06:00

It seems teens are expressing themselves in a whole slew of ways these days: myspace, Youtube, facebook, and even on their own bodies. Last night I was watching American Idol (I already mentioned that I am a reality TV junkie so back off). There was the most stunning girl I have ever seen. And, no, I am not talking about the cheap girl in the bikini. ( I really hope she looks back on her appearance on AI and cringes at how she was dressed and how she behaved) Back to the beautiful girl, she had a classic beauty, her skin was flawless, her make-up was just right and her hair was coiffed to perfection. She looked like a glamorous movie star out of the 40s. Then they did the full body pan and that is when I noticed she was covered in ink. From her shoulders down to her toes she had tattoos.
She talked about how deliberately the tattoos had been done so as to be sure she never has a stuffy office job. Let's just suppose that this music thing does not work out for her. Perhaps she even falls in love, marries and has beautiful babies. But after a while her wonderful husband says, you need to get a paying job to help take care of our family. Well the nice paying office job is out, thanks to her infinite wisdom at 18. My husband said, "I hope she is good at saying do you want fries with that?" None of us know what the future holds for us, but I can tell you what has been ruled out for her.
A few years ago I was watching a morning news program. They were interviewing teens who were getting breast implants as a birthday or graduation present from their parents. Nothing says a parent loves you more than receiving bigger boobies! The interviewer asked one of the girls, doesn't it bother you that you will not be able to breast feed your babies one day. The girl responded, "No, I don't think that is anything I want to do". At 16 I didn' think it was anything I would want to do either, but I am glad that when I did have babies and my opinion on breast feeding had done a 180 I still had the option available to me.
Decisions are being made that take away future opportunitites. But thanks to the shortsightedness, and superior intelligence of today's teens they don't see a problem with the ink, or the nude pictures they post on their web pages. Before you do anything: naked pics, tattoos, smoke a joint, drink and drive, think of the consequences. Is there an imediate negative consequence to the action you are about to take? What about in 5 years or 10 years from now? I am all for seizing the day as long as you are not destroying the bridges to your future. Just a closing thought because it bothers me, if you think the ink makes you unique take a look around you are just another sheep among the herd. Luckily, for the tattoo industry there is a sucker born every minute, it just doesn't have to be you!

When did Virgin become a dirty word?

2009-01-13T16:05:00.001-06:00

Three years ago when I first started toying with the idea of speaking about abstinence, I originally thought I would call my company: Virgins until Marriage. Many people warned me that virgin had become a bad word and that would give me an uphill battle from the get go. At first I was persistent. I thought let's take the word back! I even went as far as to hire a graphic designer and had a logo made. It is a great logo I am just sorry you don't see it. I gave up and decided my battle was going to be tough enough; I didn't need to add more to my fight.
This weekend I had the privilege of giving 3 talks. (I so love getting to do this) Last night I was checking my email and one of the attendees had written me a quick message. She loved the talk and she had decided to remain a "virgin until marriage." I just stared at the screen; she had taken the word back without even thinking about it. I myself don't think I have even used that phrase in my blogs or my talks because of the bad connotation that comes with that word. How did such a word become "dirty"?
No one snickers when we think of the Virgin Mother. So it didn't happen there. When I think of Virgin Records I just think of the very famous entrepreneur Richard Branson. But heaven forbid you say the word virgin in relation to someone's sexuality and there it goes. You are either criticizing someone for what you think they are, or you are using it as a slam against someone. And its not just kids affected by this. Now that I give abstinence talks people feel very comfortable sharing all kinds of stories with me. Once a woman in her 50s was telling me a story of when she was dating her husband. As her story progresses, she says to me, "and of course at that time I was still a". She goes quiet and then says, "you know". I said, "No, I don't know. You were a what?" She whispers to me the word "virgin". I fell out laughing. A grown woman with two grown daughters was embarrassed to tell me she was a virgin.
I checked the dictionary out of curiosity. As expected, there was the old standard definition: one who has never had sexual intercourse. But there was more: uncorrupted, not used. Now that seems like a nice thing to say about someone. There goes Sally she is uncorrupted or there goes Luke he has not been used as someone's scratching post. No, I am not sure we will ever get the word back and quite frankly I don't know that I want to fight for it. But I will fight for what it means. I want everyone out the to be uncorrupted on their wedding day.

A Conundrum

2009-01-12T15:17:00.005-06:00

While researching for today's blog, I came across a most dreadful website. The conundrum is whether or not to mention its name; I would hate to give this monstrosity a single visitor. I have answered my own question I will not give them any more traffic. The site boasts of it's feminist virtues and is awfully preachy. If there is a parallel universe where on the other side everything is the exact opposite, this site is mine. It goes against everything I believe in.

I find it very interesting those that want to bring down the abstinence movement have the most ridiculous arguments. They actually had the most absurd article on their web site stating, that 95% of Americans are sexually active before they are married (which by the way is an inaccurate statistic, you should see the study they referenced) the article says because of this fascinating statistic "Then you couldn't make folks feel all slutty and bad for doing what pretty much everyone else is also doing" Has this woman, the author of this insane article, not been told from her mom about the bridge everyone is jumping off of? Her tenure is so superior throughout the web site. It is obvious that if you disagree with her then you are just ignorant. She talks of how judgemental the people in the abstinence movement are. Ask one student who has attended my speeches if I have ever made them feel judged? I am not ignorant, on the contrary I have seen with my own eyes the damage done by engaging in sex outside of marriage. I offer kids today an alternative to risky, regretful decisions.

You, author of insidious web site, say you are a feminist and you want to protect women. If that were true you would tell them that they are precious, a gift of God made in His likeness. You would tell them that they are worth the wait. Instead you treat them like animals, that do not have the ability to say no to their impulses or sexual desires. Ladies, we are not required to have sex because everyone else is doing it. Dare to stand against this movement with me. You are not less of a person because you do not engage in sex outside of marriage, if anything your value increases. When you cherish yourself, then it is easy for others to cherish you. If you treat yourself as anything less than the wonderful person you are, then you are allowing others to do the same. Who knows maybe I will start my own feminist movement where women get to be the beautiful beings God intended them to be! Man, she has set me on a rant. I guess if I ever need blog material I know where to go!

A reality tv world

2009-01-09T16:15:00.002-06:00

Remember when reality TV began? I think the first show I remember was MTV's "Real World"; I know for a fact "Survivor" and "Big Brother"played into it big time. I loved how the producers of series TV shows were anxious for the fad to end. No, I think reality TV is here to stay. My dirty secret is that I am addicted. I am guilty of watching and loving: Top Chef, Project Runway, Top Design, Deadliest Catch, The Real Housewives of Orange County, and my absolute favorite..Biggest Loser! I am sure there is a 12 step program out there for me, but I just don't want the help.
I do see a down side to this trend. It is as if the youth of today don't see a need to keep anything secret. Don't believe me? Have you been on My Space or Facebook? Before you say anything, I am not a hypocrite just because I have a facebook account. My status updates are never overtly revealing. The problem is that teens and college students for that matter are using these social networks to do 2 things. First they want to advertise. Now why on earth you want to put a picture of yourself licking a friends face is beyond me. But your message is loud and clear...you are easy and up for anything. The second thing I think these sites are being used for is their own reality TV show. You want to be an open book and let everyone see everything. There is something to be said for keeping some secrets. A little mystery is good for you.
There was a time when the idea of "Big Brother" was bad. Nobody wanted 'big brother' watching, but now we are encouraging a bunch of exhibitionist and for that matter voyeurs. Unfortunately many of today's youth do not realize the true power of the Internet. What you think is funny and harmless today, may not be to a future university you want to attend, or a future employer who holds the keys to your dream job. People are acting without thinking through the consequences and I see a lot of regret in their future if this does not change. Your life is yours and it is okay to share glimpses, but I can't believe it is like having to tell someone to close the bathroom door. I wonder what ever happened to common sense. If you see it tell it I said hi and we sure could use some right about now.

Mississippi, I can help you

2009-01-07T17:34:00.002-06:00

On my morning drive today, I was thinking of blog ideas. My thoughts were interrupted by the radio, the news reported that Mississippi now has the distinction of being the state with the highest number of teenage pregnancies. I say with great affection to a state I spent a wonderful 6 years living in, there is help. Let me help you! Really, what do you have to lose? Now for those of us throughout the country, try not to get too cocky the news is not good for us as a whole. For the first time since, 1991 we are seeing an increase in teenage pregnancy.
I quickly scanned the study released by the CDC reporting the increase. It was not difficult to find news articles writing about the report. A disagreement seems to be brewing between those teaching abstinence and those teaching safe sex. Supporters of safe sex say that the increase instruction of abstinence has led to this because kids did not know how to practice safe sex. Supporters of abstinence pointed out that little has stopped being taught about safe sex so the report must represent that safe sex is failing. If both sides could stop squabbling I will tell you the problem; nobody wants to tell these kids the truth: there are serious consequence to sex.
If you read the report ( http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr57/nvsr57_07.pdf ) the teens that are most at risk are: African American, and Hispanic. I wonder about the socio-economic factors involved. Additionally, I wonder about the role of the parents in the households of these teens. I doubt neither safe sex or abstinence is talked about. I am sure there is a cycle being perpetuated from generation to generation. So what are we going to do about it? We need to get to ALL teens and tell them of ALL the consequences related to sex outside of marriage.
I know it does not need to be said, but I will say it anyway, condoms have never protected someone from the emotional and psychological damage done from regret filled sex. That is why if given the opportunity to go into these underprivileged areas I will continue to only promote abstinence. As for those of you enjoying the comforts of a private education, let me remind you, the risks are still just as great for you. Herpes and HPV do not discriminate based on your parent's socio-economic status.
The news report today was sad. But it did bring me some hope. Apparently this crazy passion of mine will not have to end anytime soon. It seems there is much work for me to do. I do long for a day when the pendulum swings and society is backing the abstinence movement. Oh happy day I can't wait to see you!

Get real!

2009-01-06T16:23:00.002-06:00

Last night I switched the TV over to ABC Family to watch the season premier of "The Secret Life of the American Teenager". I confess that I only watched about 6 minutes before I turned it back to the Fiesta Bowl. I wanted to see how the show was going to address the teenage pregnancy issue. Obviously I disapproved, since I only watched 6 minutes, trust me the game was just as good as I thought it would be.
In my blog yesterday, I praised Stephanie Meyer in her handling of the issue of sex outside of marriage. I wish I could have such praise for this 'family" drama. It was just so hard to watch the 15 year old teenagers decide that the best way to handle their situation was to get married. Are you kidding me? What do you get with a pregnant 15 year old girl and you marry her to her 15 year old boyfriend? You get an even bigger mess than you had before.
I saw only one other scene, where the girl's mother is asking her father for a divorce. I could not tell if it was the writing or acting that was so bad. Either way it did not matter I switched back to a really great ball game. I asked my car pool buddy today how the rest of the show played out. Turns out they got fake ids and got hitched. Even my 13 year old friend said that it was a really stupid soap opera at this point.
What a waste. The idea and title of the show made me think it may have potential. This show has failed miserably. It could have actually been a little more realistic and helpful to teenagers without being preachy. It is far from realistic, and instead of showing how to do things correctly, it just illustrates ways to further screw up an already difficult situation. As teenagers are watching this, without their parents, they are thinking that at least these two characters love each other. After all he is not even the father of her baby. He loves her so much he wants to marry her...at 15? I don't know about you, but I am so glad I did not end up with my crush at the tender age of 15. But I do remember how sure I was that he would be perfect for me for the rest of my life. It is important to recognize that most teenagers feel this way about love, but it is up to us to remind them of how many more crushes there are out there waiting to be to explored.
No, I will not watch this huge waste of time again, not even 6 more minutes. I am sorry that an opportunity presented itself and it was not seized. Oh well, maybe there is a writer out there who can do it better. Until then I will not stay tuned.

Twilight

2009-01-05T10:42:00.004-06:00

Before you moan or judge just hear me out. I too have been captured by the "Twilight" frenzy. I just finished the 3rd book yesterday and boy it did not disappoint. Now for those of you living in a cave let me catch you up. Author Stephanie Meyer, has written 4 books known as the Twilight series. The books center around a teenage girl, who is living in Forks, Washington. She meets and falls in love with Edward a "17" year old vampire. I thought it sounded absurd too, but this book was recommended to me time and time again. The 8th grader that carpools with me that hates to read could not put it down and told me I had to read it! My friend that is a senior at LSU read all 4 books in a week. The Godmother to my daughter, who is 10 years my senior could not put these books down. So I did it. Stephanie Meyer is a wonderful author who not only captivated me, but millions of others!
I know you are thinking this has got to tie into abstinence in some way, and you are in luck it does! Warning! Spoiler alert if you have not read the 3rd book yet! Having read the first two books I watched the two main characters, Bella and Edward fall in love. There was no sex just normal hugging and kissing. I would see young girls walking around with copies of this book and think to myself, I hope their parents know what they are reading. I would bite my lip and be afraid to give an opinion when I did not as of yet know where this relationship was going physically. This Sat, while reading the book I could not believe my eyes. Stephanie Meyer devoted almost a whole chapter of the book to sex. And her hero, Edward, explained to Bella how he would not have sex with her until they were married.
My mouth hit the floor. But that was not all! He spoke of God's will. Here a character that had been deprived of his soul for over 70 years was still wanting to please God just in case there was a chance for him to share in the eternal life with his maker. He spoke of Virtue. Bella trying to persuade otherwise laughed and said you don't need to worry about my virtue, and he said, then what of mine? It was so powerful and thrilling to see that this pop culture craze was finally on my side of the battle of sex and it's portrayal in society.
Too often we are ready to give up something like our virtue and just shrug our shoulders at the matter. The most intimate thing we have to offer our one true love we often give away too early, because society says times have changed. Edward who comes from a time when a person's virtue mattered, and though time had changed he had not. Even though Bella used this as an argument that he needed to live in her time, he questioned was hers really all that much better. Are people happier with times changing? The high increase in STDS does not seem like a positive; it is a horrible reminder that times are changing! We as a society need to start fighting for our virtue again. And I am going to go join the Stephanie Meyer fan club. How wonderful that this author has million of teens reading her novels and she uses the platform for good.

New Year Resolutions

2009-01-05T10:35:00.006-06:00

Happy New Year! At first I was fearful about what 2009 has in store for us, but I have decided to let 2009 see what I have in store for it! This is going to be a great year! My husband and I sat down to think about what we would like do different in 09. And then separately I have added a few more items to my list. Only one affects you, my reader, I will blog 5 days a week. That's right you will now get my witty insights and my strong personal stance on abstinence 5 days a week.
If I am going to start to revolutionize the way society thinks about sex then I can't achieve my goal in 4 blogs a month. I am also going to start a marketing campaign so I can make more personal appearances. My first talk of the new year is this Friday, I can hardly wait to get in that room and recruit more players for my team! If you want to help, just share my blog with any and all, I would be most appreciative.
I am off to write the "real" blog for today the first day of my New Year's Resolution!

College Girls Beware

2008-12-29T17:24:00.007-06:00

So often I concentrate my abstinence efforts on the jr high and high school students. Today I came across a pamplet that has set me straight. I guess there are obvious reasons I have not focused on the co-eds. Firstly, I have never been invited to talk to them. Secondly and sadly I am probably too late. But as I have said in every talk I have ever given, if you have already engaged in the horizontal mambo, it is not too late to sit out the next dance. All you need to do, is get tested and start dating the risk free way!

This pamplet, http://www.cblpi.org/senseandsexuality/index.cfm, is very effective and an easy read. If you know any young cute college girls please share the link. I constantly say, know the facts and then decide if sex is worth the countless risks. But once you have listened to me, you will NEVER have the excuse I didn't know. My objective is to take that excuse out of every non married person living in America. (Don't worry, once I finish here I plan to go international.)

My 6 year old is sitting in the office with me reading a Junie B. Jones book. I look at her and hope that she will not rebel on me one day. I do this for both of my girls. I am trying to change the society in which they are growing. How often have I heard to loosen up times have changed? Times may have changed, but the consequences have only gotten increasingly scary. As of right now, her chances of meeting a nice boy without an STD is about 1 and 5. I am not going to stand by and let this continue happening without putting up a fight! It is not time to be complacent so please share my blog and website with others and in the meantime maybe I can help you or your child.
Sorry that this is not a particularly long or entertaining blog, but I want you to take the time to click the above link and read the pamplet online. I coudn't have said it better myself!

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To my Friends

2008-12-22T10:00:00.005-06:00

Back in August, in fact the very day Hurricane Gustav hit, I got a facebook account. This was done with much pressure from my friend, Christy. I just thought it would be ridiculous, but she insisted it would get my blog more attention. (Ah my Achilles heel!) Well she was right. My blog has picked up more readers and I have picked up more speaking engagements. But there was a side to facebook I was unprepared for....my friends.

At first, it was my college friends. Going to college out of state and eventually moving back home, you are not in constant contact with those whom you graduated. Almost immediately I began to hear from people I have not seen since May of 1994. What a treat! Recently I have begun to hear from some of my old high school buddies, some as far away as Washington. (Shout out Kristy and Brian) If it were not for facebook I would not have been taking this stroll along memory lane. One thing is very evident to me, these people from my past were truly a gift from God.

We have discussed often, my decision to remain abstinent until marriage. I have mentioned that my reasons constantly changed as I constantly changed. But one thing I have been adamant about is in the beginning my reasons were NOT to please the higher power, my reason were being afraid of a higher power, i.e. mom and dad. Christ did not play a role in my decision until I was out of college, or so I thought.

As I reminisce about the days of old, I realize what blessing I had in my friends. I had quite an eclectic group at that. In my first days at SJA, I quickly needed to find a place to belong. There was a large contingent from STM that took me in and made me feel like one of them. I was a member of the chorus and made a group of friends there, and I was in every drama production starting my sophomore year, where I made even more dear friends. Some were upperclassman, some were in my class, and some were a year behind me. So what did all of these people have in common? They all accepted me, just as I was. I was never pushed to be anyone other than myself. What a gift!

Today our students feel tremendous pressure to fit in. They are encouraged to engage in dangerous behaviors that they are not ready for: drugs, alcohol and even sex. All of these actions come with serious consequences that can have life long effects. For those of you, being pressured now, if this is something that makes you feel uncomfortable then it is not for you. Be the best you, you can be, and walk away from those that are not your true friends. A true friend will not ask you to do something you don't want to do.

And to those of you, who have been my friend along the way, THANK YOU! Thank you for letting me be me, and not only accepting it, but embracing it. I am so much better for having each of you in my life.

One more thing...I went to a Christmas party last night and a friend of mine said he wants a shout out on my blog, so here you go...to my friend, Todd thanks for being a friend!

Where does their childhood go?

2008-12-08T13:45:00.004-06:00

First let me offer my sincere apologies. I have not been blogging regularly, but hang in there I have two really good excuses. First, does it matter that I have been fighting Bronchitis since the last week of October? Secondly, I too am susceptible to writers/blogger's block. If this was a blog about politics I would NEVER run out of something to say. If this was a blog about how your favorite football team has a fall from grace I would NEVER run out of something to say. Therefore I have strict rules about this blog and sticking to my abstinence agenda, I just worry sometimes that I am repeating myself. Never fear inspiration is here!
Over the holiday, I had the opportunity to attend my daughter, Natalie's Thanksgiving feast. Here I watched a room of beautiful 3 and 4 year olds sing songs of Thanksgiving and its many traditions. I thought to myself, " Where does it go? How are they innocent today and much too grown up in just a few short years? How does this happen?" My first thought was trying target the age that this seems to happen. Since I live with a 3 year old and a 6 year old I can safely say that it has not gone yet. But I will reiterate that I watch what they are subjected to. I have mentioned before that the tv stays on Noggin or movies that I approve of. (No, I am not a prude who doesn't watch trashy tv, it is just all the shows that I find a guilty pleasure in like: Desperate Housewives and Grey's ANatomy I record on my DVR and watch after they are in bed)
So innocent at 6--check! SO where is it? I am pretty sure it starts slipping away before 6th grade so what happens between 1st and 6th that rips the childhood right from under their feet?
I have determined there are outside factors involved: TV, movies, music and let's not forget their peers. How do we as parents stop this train? First of all we need to stay involved. What are they watching? Are you aware that Sex in the City( again, not judging) is on at 5pm on Sats? Are you blocking this show with parental controls? Have you picked up their ipod to hear what they are listening too? What about the movie they are going to see? Do you know what it is rated, or the content? And probably most importantly, who are their friends, who are their Friend's parents? Do they share your beliefs and values?
No one said raising these kids was going to be easy. I don't know about you, but I want my kids to have what I had. A childhood of riding bikes around the neighborhood with my best friend. (shout out Laura) A high school career of innocent crushes and making of life long friends. A college career of fun and more great friends, oh and a first love. All of this allowed me to grow at a slow rate and take in life experiences along the way. I was not facing adult consequences from adult decisions in my teens. And now I have a wonderful healthy relationship with my husband as a grown-up. I didn't rush my youth or my innocence and now we get to have a blast growing together.
Our kids don't know to be angry at the ripping away of their childhood. It is up to us to be angry for all of them and to fight like hell for them to keep their innocence and youth. By waging this war and winning it we may not change society. But we sure can protect what is coming in and out of our immediate environment and maybe, just maybe win the war in our own house!

Shout Out!

2008-11-11T16:53:00.003-06:00

Today's blog is a shout out / tribute to my parents. You didn't think I became this remarkable person all by myself did you? When people hear that I have a vision of my girls remaining abstinent until marriage they often applaud my goal, but worry on my strategy. For example, this is a comment made about my lofty ambitions, "My position is that you can't keep a kid in lock down, or you'll lose them, and I've seen it happen many times. It's a tricky area, this parenting in the 21st century. If Jennifer is raising her daughter to abstain from sex until marriage, that's a very personal choice. It's commendable to wish to protect her, and she may feel so obligated in that responsibility that she feels she must indoctrinate a policy in her house, but ultimately the choice will be her daughter's, and I hope her daughter feels she can speak her own mind about it when the time comes."
It is a very common misconception that I will have to "home school" my children for them to remain abstinent until marriage. What kind of lock down, crazy institution does this man think I will raise my kids in? The truth is, I plan to follow the lead set by my parents. I have carefully thought over how they instilled a set of values in me, while all along making me think it was my own idea. These two people are very crafty individuals. I give them all the credit because I am not the only remarkable person to benefit from their love and guidance. Nope, there are two more brilliant, capable siblings running around out there with the same goals and values as mine. I have two wonderful brothers who feel the same about abstinence as I do. So how could this have happened. What kind of indoctrinating went on in our household?
Believe it or not, I don't remember them ever really drilling us on sex outside of marriage. That being said, how is it possible that all 3 of their children came out with the same outlook? This is what they taught me and this is what has stuck, and this is one of the big reasons I think I waited until marriage. Are you ready? I was told to not to rush into growing up and to wait for my time to do whatever it was that I wanted to do. I was told this over and over again for bevy of different subjects. For example I had to wait until High School to wear make-up, I had to wait until I was 12 to have my ears pierced, I had to wait to date until High School.
There was something to be said getting to an age and being rewarded with all that can come with it. It was a feeling of accomplishment or self worth that came with waiting for my time. I didn't get keys to the car and a license the day I turned 16. My dad went with me to get my license and a notebook. He kept the notebook in the glove compartment to log how many miles I drove. The rule in our house was to drive solo you had to drive 500 miles with a parent in the car. And not just any 500 miles, no, they were allocated to so many at night, so many on the interstate and so many in the rain. (thank God we did not have a drought that year). I will never forget my first solo trip after completing my 500 miles I drove all the way out to Sherwood Forest to see my friend Christy. (man we have been friends a long time) There was no timidness in my driving, I was a confident, defensive driver, knock on wood I still have never been in the tiniest fender bender! Think of the esteem my parents had built up in me, and think of the confidence it gave them to know that they could trust me.
I do remember times my mom and I seeing a wedding dress or a wedding and probably sharing the same dream. But my mom would say that it is a privilege to wear that white gown one that needed to be earned. As corny as it sounds I really wanted to earn the right to wear a beautiful sparkling white wedding dress. I waited my turn and boy was I rewarded. I remember the day mom and I drove to New Orleans to try on dresses, it was the second one we tried on, it was made for me. And now when my daughters see my wedding portrait, they talk about the day I got to be a princess. I tell them they too can have a day like that, but they must wait their turn and earn the privilege to wear the white gown.
So when people ask me how I think I will manage two girls saving themselves for marriage, I hear the skepticism in their voices, and their fear of how I will indoctrinate my policy in them, know that all I am teaching them is to wait. Wait to grow up, wait your turn, and earn every blessing you receive in life. Surely that doesn't sound too crazy or too far out.
As for my parents, thank you! I am sure there were times you thought you were beating your head against the wall. Evidently your message got through and not just once look at my 2 amazing brothers! Well done!
Oh and one last thing, today is Veterans Day, and while he never talks about his time in the service my dad proudly served his country. So to my dad and all men who have so valiantly served our country, thank you and God Bless you.

Back to condoms

2008-11-10T17:10:00.003-06:00

First to my regular readers let me apologize for my absence. For the last two weeks I have been battling bronchitis. My wonderful husband helped pick up my slack around the house, but as for blogging about abstinence he drew the line. So thanks to my perfect husband and thanks to you for your patience.
While there are a bevy of topics I would like to address, I got sidetracked just now while reading a news report online. It appears all of the work President Bush did supporting my abstinence cause will be abandoned by the new administration. It seems President elect Obama thinks the nation needs to focus on a more scientific approach to the spreading of STDs by using condoms than the ideological approach of the Bush administration on abstinence.
I am a little confounded that one approach is MORE scientific than the other. As far as I know, that when abstinence is used it is 100% effective, however condoms are only 97% effective. Math not being my strong suit even I know that 100 is better than 97; I'm just saying. So where does the science come in? Apparently in human error. You see President elect Obama does not feel that we are responsible enough to say NO to sex. So he thinks we should take away that sticky subject of personal accountability and just make it easier for everyone. If you have the urge to have sex, go ahead and don't worry about the consequences, just be sure to have a condom!
I found this information on the Center for Disease Control Website and thought it would help prove my point.

The surest way to avoid transmission of sexually transmitted diseases is to
abstain from sexual intercourse, or to be in a long-term mutually monogamous
relationship with a partner who has been tested and you know is uninfected.
For persons whose sexual behaviors place them at risk for STDs, correct and
consistent use of the male latex condom can reduce the risk of STD transmission.
However, no protective method is 100 percent effective, and condom use cannot
guarantee absolute protection against any STD. Furthermore, condoms lubricated
with spermicides are no more effective than other lubricated condoms in
protecting against the transmission of HIV and other STDs. In order to achieve the
protective effect of condoms, they must be used correctly and consistently.

Yes, it appears that condoms do greatly reduce the risk of HIV, but haven't we already discussed that there are more consequences to sex outside of marriage than just the physical? The emotional damage created by someone choosing to have sex when they are not mentally mature enough can be life altering. You don't have to believe me when I say this, but I have seen this damage with my own eyes. It was one of the reasons I waited until I was married. I never wanted to give anyone control over my life that would change its direction forever...for the worse.
I will agree with President elect Obama, abstinence is hard and fails when we are not held responsible for our actions. But handing condoms out in Africa without educating the people on the truths about sex ,the disease and deaths will continue to climb. They will only use condoms if they are available and if they do not have condoms they will continue to have unsafe sex. Do you know that it is believed in parts of Africa that if you have sex with a virgin then you will be cured of Aids? Do you know how many infants have been raped for the cure? Obama's solution is more condoms. The Bush administration has spent more money than any other administration in Africa on educating and treating the people infected with HIV and AIDS. Explaining to these individuals that "no, sex with a virgin will not cure you".
As for here in the United States, I guess we will have to wait for the lessons on accountability. The lesson we hear now is, "if it feels good do it, and worry about the consequences later". And lucky for you President Obama with the FOCA will help make abortions more readily available to you. After all he said himself, "He doesn't want his girls to have to be punished if they make a mistake". I wonder who will pay the bills for the emotional distress derived from the abortion? Forgive me if I am not inspired. I will continue to teach my daughters about personal accountability and consequences for their actions, and I am pretty sure I will have two remarkable, self-reliant, beautiful girls who will help to save the next generation.

bad ideas

2008-10-27T19:54:00.004-05:00

You know sometimes you hear something and you think that is such a bad idea, there is no way anyone will buy into it, like wealth redistribution. But the next thing you know, not only does someone agree with this absurd idea but they begin to embrace it. Now don't get worried I am not blogging about the impending socialist revolution I am actually talking about sex bracelets.

Truly what a stupid idea; and yet not only has it been embraced but people are actually wearing them. If you are new to this phenomenon let me catch you up. You will be quick to recognize these jelly bracelets they were a fad in the 80's, first sported by Madonna and Cyndi Lauper. Today a person wears the bracelet and depending on the color another person snaps off the color of their choosing. The color bracelet correlates to a sexual favor which the snappee must now grant the snapper. The color chart as best as I know is the following : Yellow means hug, pink means give a hickey, orange means kiss, purple means you are willing to kiss either sex, red means perform a lap dance, green means oral sex performed on a girl, clear means anything goes, blue is oral sex performed on a guy, and black means missionary sex. There are glittery bracelets which hold more sexual favors, but I think you get the point.

I am stupefied why anyone would choose to take part in this really bad idea. What do you think others think of the bearer of the bracelet. Do you think kids today even care? Are parents buying these for their kids? Are kids using their allowance money to buy them? The whole idea of this "game" makes my head spin. I was talking to a "friend" who is in Jr high. She was telling me about people who are wearing these that she knows personally. I casually started asking questions. Are they advertising their services or using the bracelets to brag about their conquests. I got a lot of shrugging in return.

By allowing ANYONE to walk up and snap a colored bracelet off your wrist, you are giving control of YOUR body to someone else's whims. Understandably if you are wearing the bracelet maybe you are up for anything. But does that include the random stranger at the gas station you are advertising your sexual freedom to? These bracelets speak volumes about your character and if you wear this bracelet you are saying that you should be treated as an object and not a person. You are there, available to fulfill someones passing need. But what are you getting in return? This game is certainly not going to fill a void in your life, if anything it will create a bigger hole that you have no idea how to fill. This unhealthy game will lead to big problems, and I am not just talking about STDs.

Sex is a very intimate act meant to bond a husband and wife. Outside the parameters of marriage in particular, inside the boundaries of this insidious game you devalue the meaning of sex and equally so the value of your character. Sex is not a game and neither is your life, so stop treating it like one.

Time to get on my soap box

2008-10-22T20:13:00.009-05:00

Friends I am careful to use this blog for the intended purpose of spreading the news of abstinence until marriage. So far I have been careful not to use it to spread my political views (and I have a LOT to say), nor have I used it in talking about my religious beliefs. So tonight I am going to get on my soap box, because there is an issue that I can no longer ignore. It would be negligent of me to not discuss the FOCA.

The Freedom of Choice Act while harmless in title will have devastating consequences if passed. I will touch on some of the "highlights" of this disgusting bill and then follow up with some of my personal thoughts. FOCA states:

-abortion is a fundamental right and no agency or person should be able to interfere with a

woman's right to choose to have an abortion.

-taxpayer money would be used to perform abortions (so the gov't has no say so if you can

have an abortion but then are also expected to pay for it?)

-allow partial birth and late term abortions

-allow abortions by non-physicians and non-regulated clinics (allowing abortions that may put

a woman's health at risk)

-minors will not be required to notify their parents

For over 35 years we have been taking baby steps to overcome the decision of Roe v Wade. And while we have made great strides we still have far to go. Since Roe v Wade there have been
48,589,993 abortions. We have lost beautiful people in the military. Since the Iraq War began in March of 03 we have lost 4,186 soldiers. Who died with honor and a belief in their cause, of liberating a nation and spreading democracy throughout the world. Over these men and women of valor there has been total outrage. May I ask where is the outrage over the 48 million innocent lives that were MURDERED so that a woman would not be INCONVENIENCED by her CHOICE to have sex? 48 Million can you even begin to comprehend how totally wrecked God must be, when He sanctions all life? FOCA will not lower the number of abortions in America it will increase the number and without regulations a woman's health is at a greater risk.

Let me tell you ladies, I am all about your freedom of choice. You may choose to have sex or you may choose to not have sex. If you choose to have sex then you better be ready to put on your big girl pants and deal with the adult consequences. There are options available to you, adoption and keeping this precious gift from God. Murder is not an option. So stop calling your self pro-choice and go ahead and call it pro-murder.

This week I have received an amazing blessing. I have my first godchild. A beautiful (and I am not biased) little girl. Her mommy and daddy had to wait a long time for her. And lucky for them, my goddaughter's birth mom decided to do the selfless act and give her baby to a loving family. My friends are in good company waiting for others to follow suit and choose life, choose love over selfishness.

So now what? Get busy. Call your congressman, call everybody in Washington DC and let them know that we are not okay with FOCA. We need to do God's work down here. We cannot sit and watch this bill pass and do nothing. You must inform others of this evil legislation before it is too late. And while I try not to express my political views on this blog I must point out that one candidate supports this disgusting legislation and one does not. Okay I will put my soap box
away....for now.

Where do I begin?

2008-10-20T20:45:00.003-05:00

Tonight I truly do not know where to begin, I have so many issues to address. Now I need to narrow it down to just one, so which one will it be? Tonight I think I would like to talk about character. The old saying that opposites attract is true. However attraction is half the game character is the entire game. I meet people who want to stay pure until they are married. Their number one concern is finding someone whose values mirror their own. I know when I was dating and really wanting to get married that I had resigned myself to "settling". It would be impossible to find someone who thought of "sex" as old fashioned as I did. I have no complaints, in fact I was quite lucky. No one I ever dated thought sex was a deal breaker. And to my knowledge no one ever dumped me because of it. But I do remember wondering if what I was looking for really existed. And on the second date with my husband I found out it did.

Back to my first thought about opposites attracting. Who knows why people have chemistry together, but if all you have in common is chemistry that will not sustain a relationship. And that is why I talk of character. Maybe none of my boyfriends pushed me, because we had our character in common. Sure there were boys I met that had MAJOR chemistry, but after a few dates when you know that is all you have, you know that it is not going any where good. AHHH memories. And what I remember is that the ones I shared just chemistry with had none of the character traits I was looking for.

I don't mean to focus just on the struggles of the female looking for a suitable male. I know all about the girls that do not share any of my character traits. These are the girls sending naked pictures of themselves to boys via the Internet and cell phone. Guys I know it is hard, no pun intended, to turn away from these vixens, but I promise if what you want in the long run is a girl to live happily ever after with, she is not the one. Really can you bring one of these girls home to meet your mama and look your parents in the face with pride? And what about this scenario...are you the first boy she ever sent a picture or suggestion to? Better yet, let us not forget that 1 in 4 girls that are sexually active have an STD. DO you want the mother of your children to be the one that gave you herpes?

You will note that I am not trying to change the mind of these pushy girls. I wonder if they just don't have the foresight to see that this fast living comes with life long consequences. And for many a very sad life full of very bad, disappointing, unfulfilled relationships. These are the girls that at 23 look like they are already 35. Fast, hard, living has a way of aging you and it is like a billboard about your character. If you haven't yet traveled down this road just fast forward to where you see yourself in 10, 15, 20 years do you see a happily ever after? Is that what you want? What you are hoping to find in a life mate be sure you are exhibiting those same traits today. Your character is not something you can change when you are ready to grow up, your character is what becomes of you as you grow up.

This is for you, Scott at the nervous nation!

2008-10-13T17:20:00.011-05:00

As I mentioned in Saturday's blog, lately I have encountered people who think I am wasting my time. One was our new friend, Scott who left a comment on my blog about Gardasil, the other was a private email I received. I plan to address both of these, but today I will just answer the questions raised by Scott.

The first thing I noticed Scott say was that abstinence would prevent "some" HPV disease. Ah, no, that would be ALL HPV. Now this is assuming that by abstinence I am not just talking about the actual act of intercourse. Yes, everyone, you can get an STD by your genitalia rubbing up against your partners. SO no contact sports can be played until Marriage.

Scott's next argument is that, "abstinence is not tenable because it is not the norm". Does that mean we don't strive to change ANYTHING? Someone alert the media and their darling Barack Obama. I do believe people can change. I have met people who have heard me talk about the risks that have decided to change. It is as if every voice out there: in music, movies, all media outlets are all saying it is okay to have sex like it is our right. But with sex, comes a duty to be responsible and to educate people and to tell them it is okay not to have sex. There are so few voices representing the alternative, that is why I do this. I wonder you mentioned the 50% divorce rate, do you know the rate of divorce when people wait to have sex until they are married? Don't worry neither do I. Wouldn't it be an interesting subject? I can say from personal experience that having waited until I was married, I love my husband more today than the day I married him. And I never worry the next morning if he will call me, or if I was good enough. There is something about getting to have sex and having NO worries about it! And incidentally, I feel the same about sex outside of marriage if you are a divorcee too. The risks for STD and other consequences don't disappear just because you are no longer in your twenties.

Finally, Scott, you corrected me, Gardasil does protect you from 4 of the 100 strains of HPV, not just two. But it does not change the percentage. You are still risking getting HPV at 30%; a number I am still not comfortable with. And yes, it will protect you 90% of the time from genital warts Yea Gardasil!!!!!!!!!!

To my readers, I want you to know that I liked Scott raising questions. Anytime I am asked to defend my stance on something it often reiterates and energizes me and my initiative. And sometimes it allows me to get a little bit more detailed in my argument. SO don't ever hesitate in playing my devil's advocate. I accept it and anticipate the challenge.

I'm back

2008-10-11T16:53:00.004-05:00

After a great trip to Disney with the family, I am back! And this time with even more gumption than before. I know you can't imagine me having more, but it is true. Before I left for vacation I submitted a blog on Gardasil; it really seemed to ignite some controversy and even some not too happy comments. Several incidents occurred around this same time, and all had the same message...give up you are fighting a losing battle. I kept saying to myself, "I am not going to let these people talk me out of my mission". But truth be told maybe there was a slight weakening in my fight. And then I went to Disney World and these doubts were making rumblings in the back of my head. I really was contemplating how to move forward and did I want to?

On day 3 of our trip, we found ourselves in Epcot. You may not know that Disney shut down Spaceship Earth last year to update it. So there I was in Spaceship Earth riding along with my six year old daughter when a voice on the speaker came on and said, "What does your future look like? Can you see it? You can make it look like whatever you want as long as you have a vision". And I thought to myself, this is too hokey even for me; I looked around to see if there were going to be any singing mice chanting you can do it, Jennifer! (There weren't) But man I found my fight again.

Yes, it is against the norm today to wait until marriage to have sex, so does that mean I must settle? How about I just sit my 2 little girls down today and tell them the good news about Gardasil, birth control, and condoms and tell them you can have all the sex you want because everyone else is doing it. Forgive me, but that is not the future I see for this household. And for all of you negative nellys who want to try to dissuade me you will have to work a lot harder; either way YOU are going to LOSE! You will not make me give up. I can see a better future, but it is going to take educating the masses. Again this is just one blog, but if you believe in it then you can help me. Spread the word, we can change and I am not talking about the "Obama change". I am talking real, honest to God change that can change the world. One person at a time, who is with me?

Disney world here we come

2008-10-03T22:15:00.003-05:00

Sorry for the lack of blog lately it is not for a lack of anything to say. The family and I are off to Disney World and we will be returning at the end of the week. Upon my return you have my word that I will be blogging with a great deal more regularity. I hope you will tune in and keep reading.

Gardasil: It is not all it is cracked up to be

2008-09-23T19:14:00.005-05:00

Yesterday while folding laundry a commercial for Gardasil came on and has really lit a fire in me. This sweet looking teen says, because she wants to be one less facing cervical cancer she is going to get the Gardasil vaccine. Here I am taking deep, deep breaths before I continue...I will not rant, I will not babble.

First of all if we are really worried about cervical cancer how about we just don't have sex outside of marriage. 99% of cervical cancer cases comes from sexual intercourse. Now you may say, but I am only sleeping with my girlfriend or boyfriend. Well that may be, but who have they slept with before you? Remember you are never sleeping with just one person you are sleeping with everyone they have slept with. Having sex with one or multiple partners makes you susceptible to HPV. HPV is the leading cause of cervical cancer as I said earlier, 99% of the cases! But wait the heavens have opened, the angels are singing and there is Gardasil.

I can't tell you how many times I have given the abstinence talk and the girls are always quick to point out that STDS are not as bad as I make them out to be, because they have the Gardasil vaccine. Oh I did not realize it protected you from broken hearts, emotional scarring pregnancy, and herpes ...wow what a drug! So what does it do? Well for starters it protects you from 2 types of HPV. There are over 100 strains. You know each year when you get the flu shot and you hope you are getting the right one? Or how many times have you gotten the flu shot or known someone who did but they or you still get the flu? Gardasil claims it can protect you from 70% of the cases; are you willing to risk your life for the other 30%. I am really not a gambler, but 30% seems awfully high to me.

In an article dated June of 2008 http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=68454 I read of the death toll associated with the Gardasil vaccine. Sure 20 deaths and 140 serious complications seems low when you think of how many vaccines have been administered, but 1 death would be too many for me when it comes to giving this to my daughter. What about the side effects? Seizures, blood clots, Bells Palsy and Gullain-Barre Syndrome. Why would I put my daughter at risk for these side effects, when the same if not better results come from good old boring abstinence?

I am sick of hearing that abstinence does not work. That's funny I know for a fact that you will not get pregnant if you are living a life of abstinence. And the odds of you getting cervical cancer are less than one percent. So the next time you see a Gardasil commercial and the cute teenager says she is going to be one less, think of me yelling at my TV, "Sure you can be one less, STOP having sex!"

I hear wedding bells

2008-09-18T19:49:00.003-05:00

My six year old, Caroline, has informed me that she has a boyfriend that she intends to marry. Which is not for another 20 years, as she understands the rules of our house. Last night as I was tucking her into bed she looked around her room and decided that the young man would probably like her room when they are married, after all she herself selected the "bath blue" color. She was worried that the room may still be a little too "girly" for him. I took a deep breath and explained that when she is 30 and married it is okay with me for her to get her own house. She thought this was a good idea, although she had slight concerns about our puppy and who would get to keep her. (no, I did not even go there with her)
I did ask her if the young man in question was aware he was her boyfriend. She looked at me and said, "of course not, if he knew then he probably would not be my boyfriend!" How I wish she could stay this innocent forever.

Lucky number 13!

2008-09-14T20:42:00.004-05:00

Well it has been 13 days since hurricane Gustave hit Louisiana and today I got my power back! I am overjoyed. I run from room to room turning on lights because I can! We bought a generator the day before the storm (thank God!), we named her Charlene. I don't think we could have survived without Charlene. Without any TV and only local radio talking about where we could get supplies and when we should have power, I was not able to keep up with much national news. However I did get to see Gov. Palin talk at the Republican National Convention. WOW what a person to look up to! When we heard the news that her daughter, Bristol was pregnant my husband asked me what I thought.
I thought how sad that at 17 she has to go through such an adult situation. With the additional complication of having her mother, run for the second highest office in the country. As if her initial humiliation was not enough, now to have the entire country in her business yikes! But here is the part I love. I loved Sarah Palin's response. That she was saddened that her daughter is going to have to rush into adulthood, but that what her daughter needed at this time is her unconditional support and love.
I think when my husband asked me my opinion he was waiting for me to judge her. I thought it is not for me to judge. I didn't stop friendships along the way, because a friend was sexually active. Those are personal choices that people make. My goal is to be there for the younger generation hopefully before they make the difficult choice of having sex, and if I arrive there too late to guide them, then I can help them decide to go back to my way. Get tested for every STD in the book and start living a life with fewer regrets.
Maybe it may seem a little hypocritical of me...I remember one of my first blogs about Jamie Lynn Spears and her baby. I was awfully harsh. But in a society where girls and boys for that matter are pushed to think that sex is no big deal with little consequences I found it predictable that Jamie Lynn would find herself in that position. She is in an industry where "child stars" are unfortunately pushed to grow up too fast. It seems everyone is parenting them except their own parents. In this situation, I feel like Bristol Palin reflects much of what is happening in our "average teenager's" life. Falling in love and having sex well before we are ready, simply because we are not aware of the consequences or that the consequences will never happen to them. All I know is that I if I am ever confronted with this situation I too can remember to show my daughters my unconditional love and support as I would for anyone else.

OHHH Gustav!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-03T14:39:00.002-05:00

Well Gustav has not been kind to Louisiana. Thanks to our good friends, the Thomas' we have escaped to Houston. We don't have power at home and our neighborhood looks like a war zone. We are hearing it could take up to 4 weeks to have power restored! (yuck). I will start blogging regularly as soon as I am able. Until then pray for all of those who have to rebuild after the storm, and Pray that IKE stays out of the Gulf of Mexico!

Preparing for Gustav

2008-08-31T18:56:00.004-05:00

Well the Tigers played on Saturday and they won convincingly; however there was little time to celebrate. We have been watching Gustav for days anxiously awaiting news of where it will land. On Thursday I took the imitative to buy water and batteries. On Friday, I bought dry goods and items I can cook on our gas stove top. Each day I get a little bit more and little bit more anticipating when and where this thing will land. Today is Sunday for sure we "think" Gustav will strike sometime tomorrow morning, but we are more than likely going to start getting it's outer rain bands tonight. My girls have bedrooms upstairs and we are downstairs, so tonight we will let them "camp out" in the living room. (This is a very big deal for my two angels). Additionally we bought a generator today. We have never had one before, but I think it will change how we handle the storm. We will be able to keep our refrigerator and TV running. Unfortunately it will not keep the AC going, but we have survived that before. So what does all of this have to do with living a life of abstinence until marriage.

Like in a hurricane you must be prepared ahead of time, so must you be prepared when deciding to remain abstinent until marriage. It has been a process of 4 days getting our family hurricane ready. You must constantly access and commit to living an abstinent life. First you must figure out WHY you are not going to have sex. The reasons are different for all of us. Recently a friend that often talks to me about the struggles of a "sex free life in college" blurted out to me, "Jennifer, I am not having sex, but it is not for the reasons you would want me to have". I quickly explained that I don't care what her reasons are as long as it is keeping her out of mischief. She said, "that it is just too risky, with the pregnancy and rampant STD epidemics that it is just not worth it". She went on to say that she wants to have sex, but that the consequences are too high for her to "do it". The idea is you need to decide why you won't have sex. And this is not a constant variable, this is something that will change as you change. My reasons for not having sex at 16 were vastly different from my reasons at 26, but I constantly thought about my stance on sex, reevaluated were I was and reaffirmed my position.

You cannot wait until the back seat of some one's car to decide what your opinion on sex outside of marriage is. Once you are in the throws of making out, the decision will be made for you, and the inevitable regret will follow. Just like tomorrow at 9am when Gustav hits land I can't decide to go get my supplies it will be too late, so goes for making the decision about sex in your boyfriend/girlfriend's basement. Decide now what you will and will not do and decide WHY. It can't be someone else's values or reasons it is what matters to YOU. WHY are YOU going to wait? Prepare! Prepare! Prepare! Before your life becomes like that of a hurricane! Total, uncontrolled chaos!

The most wonderful season of all...

2008-08-27T20:02:00.005-05:00

I can't believe it is here! My favorite season has finally arrived! No, not fall (it's Louisiana we don't have a fall). It's time for football. Only 3 more days and my heart will start pounding, my hands will get clammy, I will hardly be able to catch my breath as the LSU Golden Band from Tiger Land will take the field for pre-game. I regret that I am a petite girl that never got to play the bone crushing, thrilling game of football. And now I am relieved that I have two beautiful daughters that will never play the bone crushing, thrilling game of football. So how in the world do I talk about my favorite sport and tie it in to living a life without regret? Hang with me I think I can make it work.
The title of my blog and website, living with no regrets, while centered on the idea of abstinence can really work in every aspect of your life. Take for example your studies. Let's say you have a big test coming up. You can choose to study and make an A or you can slack off, watch TV and talk on the phone and wind up making a pretty poor grade. For every decision you make there is a consequence: some good and some bad. For sex outside of marriage every consequence is going to be negative. When you have sex outside of marriage, you wonder the next day, is he/she going to call? Was I used? If you think of the consequences of your actions for almost everything you do you will more than likely have life with fewer complications. To study or not study. To have sex or not have sex. In both instances you can probably gather which may be the better option. You may not want to study, but alternatively you know you don't want to fail. You mom and dad will be on your case, you could get grounded and have trouble getting into the college of your choice. So if you sacrifice one night of TV or talking on the phone to study, you will do well on your test. Your parents will be proud, maybe even extend your curfew by an hour for being so responsible. See...good consequences.
In football, you can study the play book and game film and work really hard at practice. You may miss some time with the guys or girls hanging and having a good time, but hard work gets recognized. Coaches see the improvement and the next thing you know you are starting at this weekends game. Or how about Michael Vick. No one would ever doubt his God given talent. But certainly everyone knows how dumb he was. Forget how repulsive dog fighting is, he at some point had to make the decision to enter the world of illegal dog fighting. Knowing it is illegal he immediately knew that one consequence had to be jail time. And if serving jail time, he would be unable to fulfill his duties on the field. His income would be gone, his endorsement deals would be pulled. Had he just thought it through before he acted he could be on the sidelines with the Falcons, instead he is serving time and just filed for bankruptcy.
You may really want to have sex. You may really like the person. You probably are envisioning your future. What does that future look like if you decide to have sex, before marriage? Do you see where they dump you to sleep with someone else. Do you see the baby you are left to take care of on your own? Do you see the lifetime of battling the STD he/she just gave you? On the other hand, you wait to have sex. Best case scenario, you can see your wedding day and a life of healthy, guilt free, stress free sex. Or maybe they dump you because you won't, in which case you know, whew you just dodged a bullet. Pretty lame to compare this to football I know, but what can I say...this sport just makes me crazy!

No Sex outside of marriage goes for you too!

2008-08-24T07:04:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I found out some friends of mine are having marital problems. A split appears imminent; I hope I am wrong. But then I started thinking, the same thought process I apply to teens is also the same for divorced adults. I don't know why adults think the rules do not apply to them because of their age? Just as I tell teens, sex outside of marriage does not make you a grown up or mature, it makes you susceptible to all kinds of regrets and risks. The risks seem somehow greater when you have your own children involved in your mistakes.

Do you realize how many times our children do as we do and not as we say? I know many parents who want the same things I want for my children. Specifically no sex outside of marriage...it is too complicated and extremely risky. Some of my friends know this first hand, and because of their experiences want better for their kids. So to all of my unmarried peers, no sex until you are married again. Just because you are in your 30s, 40s etc it does not make you immune to STDs and emotional consequences. Furthermore, when sex is a factor you are not thinking straight, you are making poor decisions that once again do not just effect you! I get the feeling many will not like what I have written today, but as I say with the teens "trust me on this, my way is MUCH easier than yours!"

Life is short

2008-08-19T13:42:00.012-05:00

Yesterday we had to put our 5 month old puppy to sleep. We were devastated by our loss, but it got me to thinking. Life is too short who wants it full of regret? My husband and I were talking about Lady and if we had known it was her last day we would have...given her a hamburger for breakfast, let her sleep in our bed etc.

The truth is we don't know how long we are going to be on this planet, but do we really want to fill that time with moments of regret? Two days before our wedding, my husband and I hosted a party for all of our friends in the wedding. (we thought it was the only time we would have free to actually enjoy their company and not running around a rehearsal) It was at this dinner I was joking and laughing with a group of girlfriends. I made a joke about wedding night jitters and one of my friends stopped me and said, "Wait you and Chris haven't had sex?" And when I confirmed her suspicions she started to cry and say how beautiful that was and that she wished she had waited. Here was a friend that had been married for over 3 years and was crying with the regret that she had not saved herself for her husband. It dawns on me that people never cry because they regret not sleeping with someone...instead they cringe with regret because they did. I did not get married until I was 28. I don't think my life pre-Chris is missing anything. I think I lived fully and loved deeply without having sex outside of marriage. And best of all Chris, can meet ex-boyfriends and know that none of them have bibical" knowledge of me. If you are trying to decide whether or not sleep with someone right now, think about what I just said, you will never regret NOT sleeping with someone...if you are meant to spend the rest of your life with them, then you will have the rest of your life to...."sleep" ;)

All that being said, I still can't believe our precious puppy, Lady Jane is gone but I have no regrets knowing that her life would come to such a short end I would give her all of my love again and take all of her love she had to offer.

Is Birth control a get out of jail free card?

2008-08-16T08:32:00.004-05:00

My husband told me not to blog on this subject matter, he warned me of the slippery slope. I think I can manage it. I understand the teachings of our church on birth control and I understand it is a decision that should be between a husband, wife and God. But today's blog is about birth control outside the boundaries of marriage. Which then opens the ugly door of the teachings of abstinence versus safe sex. Everyone that knows me, knows that I lean completely towards abstinence. There are NO pitfalls when one chooses abstinence, but when one chooses safe sex there are many; physically and emotionally.
I quickly read a study this week about the dangers of oral contraceptives and how it interferes with a woman's hormones making her choose bad partners for life. At first glance I was completely irate. I mistakenly thought the article was implying that women are constantly dating and sleeping with the wrong guy because of the pill. Thus taking away all ACCOUNTABILITY on the woman's part. As if to say, "don't worry you are not some cheap floozy that will sleep with anyone the pill is making you do that"! I do not think the pill or any birth control should be a reason to have risky sex with multiple partners. Treating sex in this way cheapens it and takes it from being a very intimate thing to be shared among spouses, to a recreational sport that takes all value and intimacy out of it.
After stewing for several days, I went back and reread the article slowly. The article is actually a warning that because oral contraceptives can mess with a woman's hormones, instead of choosing an opposite in a mate is makes you choose someone like you, which apparently according to the study, is not how nature intended it to be. The idea is that if you are on "the pill" when looking for a mate you will choose the wrong one to go through life with. Quite frankly I don't know what to think about this study. But I would guess that if what it says is true then the only "safe" thing to do, is not take the pill and rely on good old abstinence to help lead your heart and your brain.

How fast should our kids grow up?

2008-08-13T08:56:00.004-05:00

Last night, with the urging from an 8th grader, I sat down to watch "The Secret Life of the American Teenager". I had seen promos for the show advertising the teenage pregnancy...high drama! I was so dumbfounded by the show I did not know how to respond. There is a scene where a 15 year old boy is talking to his dead mother about how he is in love with the pregnant teen (by the way he is not the daddy), and he is sure he will spend the rest of his life with her. I know all about thinking you have found true love at 15, but how do we convince this younger generation that there is a whole world of people and opportunity waiting for them. Your life does not have to be decided at 15. So I started tracking the problem.
Five years ago, I could turn on the Disney channel in the morning and let Caroline watch the TV safely while I tended to household business. I would say the programing was "safe" until noon. Today, if I turn on Disney in the morning, "safe" programming is over by 9:30. As much as I love "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" and "My Friends Tigger and Pooh" many mornings I skip it and put on Noggin, educational programs for the kiddos. I am not condemning Hannah Montana, The Suite Life with Zach and Codi, etc, but they are like middle school soap operas. They use phrases like shut up and stupid. These are not phrases we use in our house, but when said on TV with the canned laughter children learn that not are they only acceptable, but funny.
The most valuable lesson my parents taught me was to wait to grow up. Not to be in such a hurry. I didn't always like hearing or learning that lesson but somehow or another it stuck. I think that is why I get so ANGRY that today's youth are having their childhood stolen from them. They don't even know better to be angry about this. I think they don't know better because of the TV shows they are watching. These shows are asking them to not wait to grow up. You have TV shows talking about marriage at 15 and these kids just know that these two will end up together. And if the fairy tale can work for these fictional characters why not me. I promise you that what fiction they are watching on TV is becoming their REALITY. If what your children are watching on TV is not YOUR reality then don't let it into your homes. Turn off the TV, or switch to safe programming. Make sure your kid's are not robbed of their youth.
I would like to end this saying that after watching, "The Secret Life of the American Teenager", they did do a public announcement about kids talking to their parents about sex and vice versa, It is not enough to shut off the programming and hope it doesn't get into your house some other way, you must talk to your kids and let them know your values and your principles.

Look, Mom I'm pregnant!

2008-08-10T17:48:00.006-05:00

These are the words I hear at least once a day from my oldest. And every time I turn to look I see she has stuffed a t-shirt or some other material up her shirt to give herself a protruding belly. I can't help myself; I go to a very dark, scary place. The only time I ever want to hear her utter this phrase is maybe on her second wedding anniversary. Instead when she says this, I picture huge regret on my part....how did I fail her?...did I not adequately warn her of the pitfalls of sex outside of marriage? What will be her life now? I know this is silly that I instinctually go to this scary place but I am very well informed on what is happening out there in society. For her to not be sexually active until she is married she will be an anomaly. Look at me I was WAY in the minority on my wedding day. At the time, I did not realize how in the long term I was going to be pleased with that decision. But I get weekly signs where I am thankful for my lack of regrets.

I should not cringe when Caroline tells me to look she is pregnant. After all God calls us to all different kinds of vocations: some are called to the convent or the priesthood, I was called to Motherhood, and my calling came at a very early age. I know this to be true, because I was probably Caroline's age when I too was stuffing pillow cases under my shirt. I should embrace my child's want to nurture. And she can't help but be aware of the beauty of pregnancy; she has a beautiful aunt carrying her next cousin as we speak. The bigger her stomach grows I know that in some ways Caroline's will too. (The Lord only knows what she will be sticking under her shirt come November). So today, while driving to mass, Caroline found something to stick under her dress and informed me that she was pregnant. Before I allowed myself to go to to the scary dark place I said to Caroline, "you know, you can't think about having a baby until you are married". And she let out a big sigh that really implied "duh", and said, "I know that Mom! I get to be a princess for a day before I have babies". I said, " Princess?" And she said, "yeah mom like the picture of you dressed like a princess when you married daddy?" Aha! The seed has been planted. Now I just need to make sure I water and nurture it!

Uh oh I think I am a hypocrite

2008-08-05T11:05:00.005-05:00

It dawns on me the more I listen to the radio the more I have to shelter my kids from it. I will tell you the truth; if you are in my car Monday through Friday 11am til 6pm I am tuned into talk radio. (either sports or politics depending on the season) However there are days when the 2 little ones in the back seat perform a mutiny and I am forced to find some "music" on the radio. Many times when I do this I tune out what is playing. But the other day, I was sure I heard a girl singing and the lyrics were: "I kissed a girl and I liked it...I hope my boyfriend don't mind it felt so right it felt so wrong etc..." I quickly turned it off and realized that maybe the only thing safe is my ipod. I have downloaded several playlists for the girls that are safe and let's face it I think my music taste, while eclectic is pretty safe. I also noticed while downloading new songs that "I kissed a girl" is #3 on the down load chart.
It got me to thinking about what is available to my girls to just hear on the radio. My friend, Lynn and I were talking about it at the pool this weekend and she pointed out two very popular songs to me right off the bat...the first one is "Low", which I confess I LOVE but it is terrible! And the second one is called, "Lollipop". I have not listened to that one everytime I hear it I change the station, because I am pretty sure it is not about the candy. If sex is thrown into our kids faces 24 7 how do we stand a chance? Well as I said, I thought I was clever and I put my Ipod on shuffle and enjoyed some car time with my girls. That is until my husband pointed out to me that our oldest was singing "Celia" by Simon and Garfunkle. He said, "that is not even just sex outside of marriage, but sex with multiple partners. Yikes I said, "I am such a hypocrite" .
I guess I have decided that there is no easy solution. Maybe it is as simple as getting my kids to understand that I am the expert on the matter and not Fiddy cent. I don't know. But I do know we sat down on itunes last night and I let them add songs to MY Ipod!

Congrats Jamie Lynn, we are so proud?

2008-07-31T14:49:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up to the news that teen sensation, and new mommy, Jamie Lynn Spears was going to be marrying her baby daddy! I just sighed there is so much to be done! When I get to talk to teens about abstinence I always start by asking, "What is the worse thing that can happen to you if you choose to have sex outside of marriage"? Undoubtedly the first answer I get every time is pregnancy. It floors me that this is still what we are most terrified of happening. Forget the STDs that you may contract that will render you barren or itchy for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. No you are worried about a baby. Why worry about a baby? Can't you see how well Jamie Lynn and her sister Brittany are doing? If there has EVER been a poster child for adoption these two sisters are it.

Please allow me the opportunity to talk about adoption today. If you have made the choice to be sexually active outside the boundaries of marriage and now you are with child please consider adoption. It is truly one of the most selfless acts you will ever do. To give a baby, that you are incapable of adequately caring for yourself, to a two parent home full of love and security would be making the best out of a pretty bad situation. The only alternatives are not very attractive. You could keep it, and hope that someone will still want to go to the prom with you. But don't forget if you do go to prom to be sure to line up a babysitter. And when the baby is waking up every two hours to feed maybe you could find some time to study for your next exam.

I will not say that abortion is an alternative. Whereas adoption is the most selfless act you can commit, abortion is by far the most vile and selfish act you can commit. I know you are probably saying, "but Jennifer, what about a woman's (or teenage girl's) right to choose? I am all for choice. Your choice is to sleep with him or not sleep with him. But once you decide to sleep with him then you are saying you can handle all of the consequences that come with it. Including pregnancy. So you are pregnant and don't want to be inconvenienced by the baby so you do what? You kill it? How is that even rational? Better yet...how is that even still legal? There are many a girl or woman who have chosen the abortion route and many will tell you the "problem" does not go away after someone vacuums out your uterus that my dear is when the problems just begin. You would have a lifetime of guilt and regret to face. It is truly a burden many women take to the grave.

I did not say that adoption would be easy. Taking this option, you would still have the joys of morning sickness, heart burn, stretch marks and a bladder that is used as a trampoline for the life growing inside. And there would be great heartache for when the baby goes to live with a mommy and daddy that will love and nurture him or her for the rest of their lives. But there are thousands and thousands of families looking for a baby to love and maybe you can help complete a family.

I know that probably none of the options I have mentioned sound promising. So why don't we back it up to when YOU are making the Choice to sleep with him or not to sleep with him. Choose Not and then you will not be forced to face these impossible situations. It just dawned on me that most of this was written for the girls, but the boys need to realize they are not off the hook and one day soon I will be addressing you as well! So congrats Jamie Lynn getting married at the ripe old age of 17! I am sure your parents are just too proud!

My web site

2008-07-29T15:33:00.000-05:00

I'm not even a week into blogging, and I am already addicted. I especially enjoy the comments from friends and complete strangers! Today I worked on my website and I encourage you to go take a look and share it with anyone you think may be interested. www.livingwithnoregrets.com I did it myself, so it has a homemade feel to it, like I am in kindergarten making my parents a card.

It is often said that if you want to be successful in life you should do what you love. I know that this venture can be successful, because of my passion and love for it. If I inspire you in anyway please share my information with others; the more contacts I make the more lives I can reach.

I know I should talk about abstinence today, but truth be told I am thinking about Disney World. We are 66 days out from our vacation and I think I am just as excited as the girls (maybe even more). I love that while in Disney my girls can be girls, and somehow my husband and I are also transformed to a much younger version of ourselves. Everything is magical when you are in Disney.

That is all for today, check out the site and tell me what you think.

Attention Parents are you talking?

2008-07-26T07:14:00.000-05:00

Day 2 and I have a million thoughts running through my head. Who do I want to talk to today? Today I want to ask the parents are you talking to your kids about S-E-X? Because let me tell you everyone else is! Last year I had an opportunity to drive an hour north of here to talk to a group of kids 9th thru 12th grade about abstinence. There were about 30 in all, and I felt it went very well. Sure I had the few looking at me as if to say, "Sorry sweetheart, but that bell has already been rung!" And I was looking right back at them letting them know we can always stop ringing the bell. After the talk, three beautiful girls approached me and said that no one had ever told them it was okay NOT to have sex. They thought something was wrong with them. I gave them a big hug and my email in case they ever needed to talk. As I was driving home, I found myself so angry with their parents. As parents we teach our kids to not run with scissors and to stop jumping off the furniture because we don't want them to get hurt. Why in the world would we not talk to them about something that not only can cause physical long term damage, but also is potentially emotionally and psychologically scarring? Listen up parents! The awful truth is that 1 in 4 sexually active girls has an STD and 1 in 5 boys. I don't know about you but the dating pool for my daughters is getting smaller and smaller. I need to clean this pool but I need your help. TALK TO YOUR KIDS!
Here is a concept....family dinner time. I seriously don't remember my parents telling me directly about abstinence but I somehow knew exactly how they felt about sex outside of marriage. I also know we sat down every night and they asked each of us (there were 3 of us) how our day went and what did we learn. One of my most memorable dinners came the night my younger brother (he was in 4th grade) announced at the table he knew all about sex. My mother very calmly encouraged him to pease share with the rest of us. He said, "Well first you find a girl and ask her out for a date. If all goes well you will date for a while and maybe even hold hands." My mother was nodding and smiling as he continued, "then if you fall in love, you ask her to marry you and then after you are married, you can have sex, but if you really love her, you can have sex first and then get married." I did not know my mother could move that fast as she leaped over the dinner table screaming "Oh no you don't!" My older brother and I were laughing hysterically, but we too got the message loud and clear!
It's time to talk about sex, and you cannot feel awkward or squeamish about it. Did you feel awkward telling them to look both ways before crossing the street? As I said, talk to your kids about sex. EVERYONE else is and they are getting a lot of bad info.

Losing My Virginity

2008-07-24T19:07:00.000-05:00

Well here I go....my first blog! After this I will no longer be a blog virgin! Which is ironic because the gist of this blog is going to be ALLL about abstinence until marriage. Well maybe not all about abstinence. The title of my blog, Living With No Regrets is what I think about all the time. How can I help the next generation make the right choices so that their life is not filled with regret? I am a lone voice that while shouting is all but a whisper when the rest of society is screaming do what feels good and make sure it happens right now! Just because it is done on MTV or some cool dude is singing about it doesn't mean it is right for you. What is IT? Most of the time IT is sex, but sometimes IT is smoking, drinking, or doing drugs. SO if you decide to become a regular on my blog you may get the rantings of a mad woman who feels she is in the battle by herself, or maybe you will find me gathering and organizing my troops, and still yet you just may find me talking about my sweet family. It is that family that inspires me to wage this war against a society that worries more about what feels good now than the catastrophic consequences that come later. But there will be plenty of time to get into that.

I want to thank my dear friend Christy for pushing me (literally) to do this. Somehow she is allowed to push me when I will not let my wonderful hubby give me that kick in the butt I so often need.

And to any one who decides what I say may have some value I welcome you and extend an offer to you to join my ranks and help me in this battle to help our next generation. To help them live a wonderful, fulfilled life and not swimming in a pool of regret.